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No more worrying about the future ever. I am Ultimate Soothsayer and, via The OC gifs, can answer all your burning questions about the upcoming weekend. I know what the future holds; Seth Cohen told me.

Aries

Q: Well, things have been pretty bad with my partner for awhile now and I’m pretty sure we both are about to break up with the other. Knowing this, is it a really bad look if I hook up with my friend this weekend?

A:

Taurus

Q: I’m experiencing the post-holiday blues, especially with the frigid weather we’ve been experiencing. What can I do this weekend to make it still feel like the holiday season?

A:

Gemini

Q: I miss my ex. I think I’m going to text her and ask if she wants to hang out this weekend. Is this a good idea, or am I just romanticizing the past?

A:

Cancer

Q: I’ve been really bummed out as of late. How do I motivate myself to go out this weekend?

A:

Leo

Q: I think I’m going to propose this weekend! I’m so excited! How will it go?

A:

Virgo

Q: I have so much pent-up anger. I just need to get it out, and I don’t know how. Any suggestions for how I can really just let go this upcoming weekend?

A:

Libra

Q: I just moved to the city, and I still feel like I don’t have many friends. Will I meet some cool people this weekend? How?

A:

Scorpio

Q: I feel like my friend needs psychological assistance—they’ve really been acting weird. How do I approach the situation? Is there a sign I should be looking out for? What will they do to finally break the metaphorical straw on the hypothetical camel’s back?

A:

Sagittarius

Q: I’ve been having SUCH a dry spell. Will I get any action this weekend?

A:

Capricorn

Q: I have this feeling of impending doom. Will anything really terrible happen to me this weekend?

A:

Aquarius

Q: I’ve been in an argument all week with my mom. What should I do this weekend to just get it over with?

A:

Pisces 

Q: What’s the point to these weekend horoscope things? Will any of your predictions ring true by Sunday?

A:

 

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