No more worrying about the future ever. I am Ultimate Soothsayer and, via cat gifs, can answer all your burning questions about the upcoming weekend. I know what the future entails. En’tails’, actually—because CATS.
(Cats have tails.)
Q: Will I meet that special someone this weekend? If so, what will it/he/she be like?
Q: I’m worried about money. How will I make sure I don’t go broke this weekend?
Q: I’m still home for the holiday and things aren’t going to well with my family. Who will I turn to for solace this weekend?
Q: I’m also still home for the holiday. Will I see any people I knew in high school? How should I approach such an encounter?
Q: Things haven’t been great with my significant other. What will this weekend bring in terms of our relationship?
Q: My self-image has been suffering as of late. How will I feel looking into the mirror this weekend?
Q: My friend and I made a resolution to get healthy together. Will this weekend be a good start to a new, healthier year?
Q: I’ve been having trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Will this weekend finally bring me some much needed rest, so I can start my days off right?
Q: My best friend and I have been arguing recently, and I’m afraid all of it will come to a head this weekend. How should I approach this impending clash?
Q: My friends all want me to trip with them this weekend, but I’ve never done a hallucinogen. Will this weekend be the weekend I try? What will it be like?
Q: I really need to unwind this weekend. Will I have the chance to finally calm down?
Q: I think horoscopes are really stupid. I actually think all “supernatural” occurrences are bullshit, really. Will anything happen this weekend to change my mind?