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No more worrying about the future ever. I am Ultimate Soothsayer and, via Albus Dumbledore gifs, can answer all your burning questions about the upcoming weekend. Dumbledore: Wise as fuck.

Aries

Q: I graduated last month and I am not doing well. At all. Anything I can be happy about this weekend?

A:

Taurus

Q: I’m so broke. I literally cant afford to pay gas, electricity, cell, and internet this month. What will this weekend teach me about how to spend what little money I have?

A:

Gemini

Q: I like this girl I’m dating, I really do, but I feel like it may be hard to not…you know, stray. What’s up for the weekend lady-wise?

A:

Cancer

Q: So there’s this guy who has liked me forever. Never even a hint of tingle in the panties until now. Problem is, he just got a girlfriend. Should I just make a move when I see him Friday?

A:

Leo

Q: Hair appointment this weekend. Should I do it? You know, The Big One?

A:

Virgo

Q: I have this dream of becoming a singer. I know it’s late but…I kind of want to drop everything and move to L.A. Like, this weekend. Thoughts?

A:

Libra

Q: Who should I, like, pity this weekend? Want to feel some pity.

A:

Scorpio

Q: Is it very immature if I have a sleepover dance party? I sure did feel immature saying “sleepover dance party.”

A:

Sagittarius

Q: Going to start a project this weekend. Not sure what. Can you tell me what it will look like?

A:

Capricorn

Q: My friend Draco suuuuuuuuuuuucks. I want to confront him this weekend but I don’t know how. What do you think would be the best approach?

A:

Aquarius

Q: If you had to sum up my upcoming weekend experience, how would you go about doing that?

A:

Pisces 

Q: Sup with your, uh, is “disciples” the word? Anyway. I’d like one of them to tell what I’ll learn this weekend.

A:

Sorry, Pisces. See you next week!

 

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