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Okay, we’re no Seattle when it comes to rainfall, but that doesn’t mean we don’t get a fair share of shit weather (as evidenced by today). As the best city on the planet, though, (or at least the eastern seaboard) it would be a total failure for us to decide to rot away indoors while sky-tears wreak soggy havoc on our streets. AS SUCH, here’s your January edition of the ULTIMATE RAINY DAY GUIDE, ft. weather-resistant togs, pale kid things to read, etc. HERE WE GO:

THE GEAR

If you’ve been here more than five minutes, you know that most attempts at umbrella use are completely and utterly futile; whether you repeatedly lose them like I do, or whether yours tend to commit suicide upon the slightest gust of wind, the bottom line is that BEST CASE SCENARIO you stab someone (and/or get stabbed) right in the cornea as you try to maneuver through the drizzle. Moral of this story: do not use umbrellas. DO use unisex raincoats like the following, because anyone that tries to tell you raincoats are gendered is a FUCKING LIAR:

Unisex Flannel-Lined Rain Parka, American Apparel – $120

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It’s been pretty mild the last few days, but winter is far from over; that’s why I’m going to go ahead and suggest this flannel-lined rain parka from American Apparel, which comes in New York-friendly non-colors like black.

DKNY 1991 Token Hooded Raincoat – $383

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Inspire people to get the eff outta your way today by dressing mildly like a boxer about to throw a few punches in the ring, yeah? I realize that $383 may seem a little steep, but just remember that it’s pretty much HALF the price at which it began, okay?

BOOTS, meanwhile, might be slightly trickier to translate across the male / female foot size scale. It’s totally okay, though, because I have a solid option for women:

Jeffrey Campbell Forecast Rain Boot – $70

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I refuse to proliferate the Hunter trend today; we are no longer livin’ la vida sorority, so PLEASE go forth and embrace an ever-so-slightly more sophisticated waterproof Chelsea boot, won’t you?

AND for men:

Tretorn Gunnar Canvas, $90

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Like the best black Converse but totally waterproof! Everyone wins, but mostly your feet!

THE READING MATERIAL

Rainy days should never be spent without a book in hand, so here are a couple of titles that should be extra-appropriate in the midst of a downpour:

Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey

Just because you’re stuck INDOORS doesn’t mean you can’t be inspired to get creative, as evidenced by Mason Currey’s collection of artists’ work routines. (Note that some are more sustainable than others, though; for example, I wouldn’t recommend going the Patricia Highsmith route as it involves hitting the vodka as soon as you wake up, smoking a pack of Gauloises per day, consuming a diet exclusively of American bacon, fried eggs and cereal at random intervals throughout the day, and only keeping snails for company.)

The Cloudspotter’s Guide: The Science, History, and Culture of Clouds by Gavin Pretor-Pinney

This book is INCREDIBLE; it covers all kinds of clouds (including the ones currently dumping buckets of rain over your head) in nearly every capacity, from where they come from to how they work. One hundred percent appropriate rainy (or non-rainy) day reading material.

Ants, Indians, and Little Dinosaurs edited by Alan Ternes

Here’s an oldie; copyrighted back in 1975 to celebrate the 75th anniversary of Natural History Magazine, it covers a pretty wide span of essays on nature INCLUDING but not limited to floods ‘n lightning water. (Again, highly appropriate.) Be forewarned, though: you will probably want to go outside after you remember how great nature is, and UNFORTUNATELY today is not the best weather for it.

 

THE TUNES

No one is trying to get through the most dreary day of all time without the proper tunes to suit the backdrop, AMIRITE?! Fortunately for you, my icy black heart responds to only the rainiest of sounds, so here’s a tiny little playlist to sort you out, spanning the emotional range of damp weather from anger to sadness to acceptance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcvNqsSSNUc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv_Ryrj6x4g#t=19

I would tell you to stay dry, but that’s going to prove pretty difficult. Instead, I’ll just tell you to embrace the precipitation, ’cause it’s EARTH’S party, and she’ll cry if she wants to.

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