May is packed. Packed. There’s no reason May of 2017 can’t be your best month. There’s never been a disco concert at the Library of Congress. This May will change that. If the LoC can work within the parameters of the federal government and get Gloria Gaynor to perform, anything can happen.

Pow!Wow! @ NoMa BID May 18 – 27

D.C. is quite literally covered in murals. My Instagram feed is filled friends taking pictures of some our finest wall work. In just a few weeks 15 incredibly talented Muralists will hit the streets (um the walls) of NoMa to bring new art to D.C. Not only will you be greeted with new work from local artists but artists from around the country and around the world! Plus there are tons of events happening throughout the city. Get fancy D.C.! – Jenn Tisdale

Before Internet Cats: Feline Finds from the Archives of American Art @ Smithsonian’s Archives of American Art through October 29

This may be the easiest exhibit the Smithsonian ever curated. Find all the cool cat stuff in the archives, put it on display and all of good parts of the Internet are now on display at Smithsonian’s Archives of American Art. If you’re not a cat person, that’s fine. If you’re not a cat person but dislike cat people enjoying pretty art, what’s your deal? Maybe some cat art could warm your cold heart. -Brandon Wetherbee

Cats, Cooper Hewitt, Smithsonian Design Museum Collection

Into the Water by Paula Hawkins available May 2

The question about Into the Water isn’t, “Will it sell a whole lot of copies?” The question is, “Will it sell a whole lot of copies or an astronomical number of copies?” The novel is a psychological thriller about mysterious death in a small town, but more importantly, it’s Paula Hawkins’ follow up to a little debut novel called The Girl on the Train. Early reviews aren’t great, but lots of pretentious book people didn’t love The Girl on the Train either, so Hawkins may well have the last laugh. And also all of the money. -Trisha Brown

Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil DeGrasse Tyson available May 2

Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s got a new book called Astrophysics for People in a Hurry, which offers an accessible look at some of the biggest questions and theories in the universe offered up in that classic NDGT style. Great graduation present for your nice but nerdy cousin or whatever! -Matt Byrne

Gabourey Sidibe in Conversation with Linda Holmes @ Sixth & I May 3

These days everyone seems to score a book deal. But Gabourey Sidibe, best known for her Oscar-nominated turn in Precious, is not your typical Hollywood starlet. She has a life you actually want to hear about and a story-telling style that makes you want to hear about it directly from her. Sidibe is hitting the Sixth & I Synagogue to talk about her life and new memoir with Linda Holmes of NPR. Holmes is savvy but not snobby about entertainment, and it’s hard to imagine this conversation not being a helluva a lot of fun. -Trisha Brown

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Jason Molina: Riding with the Ghost by Erin Osman available May 15

Jason Molina died in 2013, leaving behind an incredible discography and droves of heartbroken fans, myself included, devastated by his early passing. Jason Molina: Riding with the Ghost is an intimate biography of the incredibly talented songwriter, whose masterful and sensitive blend of Americana and indie rock work with Songs: Ohia and Magnolia Electric Company is the stuff of massive cult adulation. -Matt Byrne

Miranda Pennington – A Girl Walks Into a Book: What the Brontes Taught Me about Life, Love, and Women’s Work @ Busboys and Poets at 14th & V May 23

You may think you know all there is to know about the Bronte sisters. Miranda Pennington thinks you do not. Why not go to Busboys & Poets and listen to her make her case while discussing her new literary memoir A Girl Walk Into a Book? There’s really no downside here: You hear about the book before committing your time or money to it, Busboys is a great venue, and “literary memoir” means you get the cache of being into books with a healthy dose of the gossipy fun of memoir. Win-win-win. -Trisha Brown

Theft by Finding: Diaries by David Sedaris available May 30

A new David Sedaris book is always good news, so you’d imagine my delight when they announced Theft by Finding: Diaries. This is one of those rare books that are worth picking up both a hard copy and a download of the audiobook, as our sweetie David is one of the best in the spoken word game! -Matt Byrne

Truxton Inn May 2

Stepping into the Truxton Inn feels like going back in time. Every inch of the space, from the gold and green bar to the black leather chairs feel like they’re from a different era. It’s a little art nouveau, kind of neoclassical, and maybe even a sort of victorian. It’s highly stylized, but what stands out the most is that as soon as you cross the threshold, you just feel comfortable. -Kaylee Dugan

Truxton Inn

Bourbon & Bluegrass @ President Lincoln’s Cottage May 7

Abraham Lincoln seems like he was a pretty chill dude. That’s why he’s my favorite president, anyway. (The whole abolishing slavery and uniting a nation thing was pretty dope, too.) And, being from Kentucky and all, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he was a probably a pretty big fan of both bourbon and bluegrass. Thus, it’s pretty safe to assume he would’ve loved this year’s third annual Bourbon & Bluegrass event. On Sunday, May 7, a $60 ticket (the event is sold out but you can get on the very large wait list) gets you an afternoon of live bluegrass music from local musicians like By & By, two drink tickets for (what I’m assuming will be bourbon-based) specialty cocktails, unlimited non-alcoholic beverages (ho hum), and access to a complimentary dessert table. Don’t worry – there will also be drinks available for purchase from sponsors Woodford Reserve and Right Proper, as well as food from Rocklands Barbecue. Held on the grounds of the Armed Forces Retirement Home, all proceeds from the event go toward preservation efforts at President Lincoln’s Cottage. And if you find yourself a few cocktails deep and struggling to go on, just remember Lincoln’s immortal words: “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” -Logan Hollers

Trifecta Release Party @ Port City Brewing May 10

There are two waves of Crafts Brewers Conference collaboration beers. The first are brewed weeks – sometimes months – in advance, and are timed to be released during the annual gathering of industry participants. We wrote about three (well, actually, eight) of those: Hellbender and St Feuillien’s Days Gone By; Right Proper, Penn Druid, Stone, and Sunn O)))’s Soused; and DC Brau’s six-headed “collaboratron.”

The second wave of brewing occurs during CBC. And that makes sense: If every brewery in America is in town, why not invite a few over to brew something special? Most of those beers will start trickling out this month. And here’s a great example: New Mexico’s Marble, Alexandria’s Port City, and Montana’s Überbrew have teamed up to produce a ditty called Trifecta. What do these breweries have in common? They’re the last three winners of Small Brewery of the Year at the Great American Beer Festival. Hence Trifecta.

As for the beer, it’s a Belgian IPA brewed with Alfalfa honey, and hopped with Amarillo, Azacca, and Idaho 7. On Wednesday, May 10, they’ll release this delicately refined and delicious (just guessing – we’re talking about Port City here) beer at the Alexandria brewery. The beer will eventually make its way to select accounts, but if you want to taste this piece of history, head to Port City on the 10th. -Phil Runco

Cirque du Denizens Presents: Carnivale @ Denizens Brewing May 13 – Moved to July 15

In March, I sat down with the folks at Denizens for a story about their Backyard Boogie (and other stuff, of course). Towards the end of our conversation, I asked if anything else was on the horizon for the Silver Spring brewery. Co-founder Emily Bruno’s answer was immediate: “We’re having, like, an adult carnival on May 13,” she said with a huge smile.

Well, May 13 is now almost upon us, and so is “Cirque du Denizens Presents: Carnivale.” The event includes appearances by jugglers, stilt walkers, and acrobats; “cheeky and inappropriate” carnival games; a charitable dunk tank; a DJ set from Blaqsquerade; and, of course, Denizens beer. (If their 2SP collab Steamin’ Willie Beamin is still on tap, grab a pint of the California Common – it’s fantastic.) Tickets cost $20 and includes your first beer… and a bag of popcorn. -Phil Runco

Denizens Brewing Co

Passport DC begins May 16

Take a little trip through some of D.C.’s best watering holes with the only Passport you’ll ever need. The Passport program is a cute, pocket-sized black book filled with craft drink specials all over town. Make a night(s) of it! Grab this book then grab some friends and get to know D.C. through your taste buds. Plus you won’t need a shitty photo you will eventually grow to resent! Drink Passport > Usual Passport. -Jenn Tisdale

Ocelot’s 2nd Anniversary Party May 20

We’re not exactly shy of our affection for Ocelot Brewing around here. In the last year, we’ve written features about three of their beers: Talking Backwards, Lucifer’s Tress, and Raised on Promises. Personally, I’d say the Virginia brewery is one of the area’s three best, and on the right day, I’ll tell you they’re on top of the whole damn heap. So, you don’t really need an excuse to go out to Dulles and visit. As someone who hunts Ocelot across the few D.C. accounts that get their beer, a trip to their tasting room is already a trip to Disneyland.

But, OK, if you really do need an excuse, Ocelot will celebrate its second birthday on May 20 with what is basically a festival. There will be live music (including a Phish cover band, because of course). There will be food. And there will be beer. Oh my god, there will be beer. Ocelot founder Adrien Widman is keeping the list under wraps until the day of the party, but speaking with some modicum of authority here, I will tell you this: It is the most impressive line-up of breweries assembled at one D.C.-area brewery… ever? Yes, ever. And it is not even close. Trust me. You want to be at this event. $35 gets you in the door along with six drink tickets. -Phil Runco

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Washington DC Green Festival Expo May 13 and 14

Full disclosure here: I’m a Board Member with the DC Chapter of the Sierra Club. Outside that incredibly vested interest, I’d highly recommend the DC’s annual Green Festival Expo, held again this year at the Walter E. Washington Convention Center. In addition to the Sierra Club’s booth (which you should totally stop by and check out and maybe sign up to become a member at or at least volunteer because RESIST), the world’s most trusted companies (more than 250 exhibitors this year), over 50 innovative speakers, national and local innovative businesses, and conscious consumers (like you, right??) all come together in one place to promote the best in sustainability and green living. There’s always some awesome vegetarian and non-vegetarian food to sample, as well as some of the latest and greatest green technology to see. Listen, you’re reading Brightest Young Things, so odds are you’re socially conscious already; an event like this is probably right up your alley. Don’t want to buy a ticket? That’s cool: spend $25+ at a MOM’s Organic Market in April or May, bring in your receipt, and receive a free entry pass. Also awesome: moms are 50% off all weekend at the door in celebration of Mother’s Day! -Logan Hollers

Obit in theaters May 12

If you listened to the April 27 episode of Fresh Air you’re most likely interested in seeing Obit. The documentary about the New York Times obituary journalists has all of the makings of a captivating film. The subject matter is universal but the job is mysterious. The industry is shrinking but people keep dying. The film that played in seemingly every decent festival goes into wide release after a New York limited run May 12.

Baywatch in theaters May 25

For those who don’t remember the good old days before every television outlet was full of antiheroes and prestige television, let me tell you the tale of Baywatch. The 90s syndicated lifeguard soap that has been fodder for ridicule basically since it premiered, but you can’t parody something so easily unless it’s well known, and Baywatch, which ran for over a decade, was wildly successful. It was also very comfortable with its own identify. The big-screen remake is the sort of thing I’d probably just wonder about from afar if not for one factor: Dwayne Johnson. Johnson is the perfect choice to make an earnest satire in the style of the 2012’s 21 Jump Street adaptation. -Trisha Brown

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RAMW & BYT’s Brunch Passport Challenge

This season we are teaming up with RAMW to celebrate the nominees in our favorite meal category – BRUNCH – with RAMW & BYT’s Brunch Passport Challenge! Eat your way through at least 4 the finalists to make an informed decision before you vote, then enter to win 2 tickets to the RAMMYS on July 30 ($700 value)! The Restaurants are Casual Brunch of the Year: Cava Mezze (Capitol Hill), DGS Delicatessen, Maketto, Republic, Sixth Engine Upscale and Brunch of the Year: Convivial, Del Campo, Marcel’s by Robert Wiedmaier, The Restaurant at Patowmack Farm, The Source by Wolfgang Puck. -Chloe Fedyna

Zoofari @ Smithsonian’s National Zoo May 18

The National Zoo knows how to throw a killer party. Their best event of the year? Easily ZooFari, the area’s biggest and longest-running food and drink tasting event. The annual event, held this year on Thursday, May 18 from 6:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m., features more than 100 of the top DC restaurants and vintners, all mingled throughout the Smithsonian’s National Zoo. In addition to complimentary tastings of some of the District’s best food, cocktails, and fine wines, there’s always super fun entertainment: live music; exotic animal encounters (including getting to see this year a NAKED…mole-rat (sorry)); after-hours access to the Small Mammal House, the Great Ape House, and the Reptile Discovery Center; a silent auction with animal-themed items and exclusive getaways; and more. Best of all, proceeds from the event help support conservation work around the globe! Go for the great booze, stay for the cute baby animals. -Logan Hollers

Reptile House

EdibleDC Magazine Eat/Drink Local @ Long View Gallery May 22

D.C. is a pretty magical place to eat and drink these days and EdibleDC does a great job of celebrating the homegrown talent with their annual, both super fun, and super curated party at Long View Gallery, which is the kind of food event where you actually get to hang out with your friends in between bites and drinks and not just panic as to how to conquer it all.  ALL INCLUSIVE ticket gets you 15+ divine drinks and 15+ fabulous foods from the best bartenders and chefs across the DMV. Already confirmed this year China Chicano, The Columbia Room, The Gibson, Toki Underground, The Riggsby, Lyon Distilling, Early Mountain Vineyards, and more… -Svetlana Legetic

Embassy Chef Challenge @ Ronald Reagan Building May 24

Why bring yourself to the food world when you can bring the food world to you. -Jenn Tisdale

Bonobo @ 9:30 Club May 1

English producer and DJ plays his brand of atmospheric, enveloping tracks accompanied by a live band to a sold out crowd at a historically famous D.C. venue. -Jose Lopez-Sanchez

The xx @ Merriweather Post Pavilion May 6

English producer and DJ plays his brand of atmospheric, enveloping tracks accompanied by a live band to a sold out crowd at a historically famous Maryland venue. -Jose Lopez-Sanchez

At The Drive-In Inter Alia available May 5

At The Drive-In are back with their first album in 17 years, which is really something. What is also something is that the record does not feature original guitarist/occasional vocalist Jim Ward, who was often a steady foil to the spastic, often self-indulgent impulses of the two main dudes from the band. Will Inter Alia be good or a disappointment? Probably the later unfortunately but a boy can hope!!!!!! -Matt Byrne

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Indigo Girls with the NSO Pops @ Kennedy Center May 5 and 6

If you’d told me the Indigo girls were playing D.C., the Kennedy Center is not the first venue that would have crossed my mind. But the law of odds would suggest that some of the results of 2017 being a topsy-turvy bizarro world have to be good, and hearing the string section of the NSO Pops accompany “Galileo” or getting the full power of the horns behind “Least Complicated” may just make for a Kennedy Center concert I never knew I needed. -Trisha Brown

Broccoli City Festival @ Gateway DC May 6

The first great fest of 2017 features Solange. If you’re not coming to our Gloria Gaynor concert, this is the can’t miss show. -Brandon Wetherbee

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Funk Parade May 6

The first great neighborhood fest of 2017. If you’re not coming to our Gloria Gaynor concert or Broccoli City, this is the can’t miss fest. -Brandon Wetherbee

Funk Parade 2016

Girlpool Powerplant available May 12

The delicate sonic world created on Girlpool’s first LP, Before The World Was Big, is getting upsized and fleshed out for their new album, Powerplant. Is this an okay thing? Advance singles have been very good, albeit different, and I have faith that this charmingly idiosyncratic songwriting duo will deliver again. -Matt Byrne

Tei Shi @ Songbyrd May 13

Tei Shi has consistently crafted emotionally charged, gorgeous art pop anthems over the last few years, somehow flying under the mainstream radar despite being an electric performer with a versatile voice.

After a four-year gap between releases, she’s back with her first full-length album, Crawl Space, and she’s steering fully into what has drew fans to her work in the first place: crystalline keys, compressed and froggy bass lines, and her soaring, silky vocals. Songbyrd’s basement is the perfectly sized room to enjoy her live before she really takes off. -Jose Lopez-Sanchez

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Iron Chic @ DC9 May 14

I first saw Iron Chic about two years ago, when they played a small DIY space called The Dougout. They look like losers: unkempt, disheveled, and morose. I knew they had a big following, so I thought, “This is it? Really?” Then they started playing, and I got it: somehow they transformed into punk gods, commanding the audience and stage like charismatic, seasoned pros. Expect fists in the air – and genuine emotional catharsis – when they play DC9 in a couple weeks. -Alan Zilberman

Bon Iver @ Merriweather Post Pavilion May 24

I saw Justin Vernon and friends perform For Emma, Forever Ago in a field in the rain, while the entire audience cried along to it. It felt like a magical, incomparable experience – lightning in a bottle that could never be recaptured, or recreated. So whenever he’s come into town to perform subsequent albums, I’ve been hesitant to see him again, skeptical that I’d ever be able to match that incredible afternoon at Austin City Limits 2009. And then, I watched his NPR Music Front Row performance at Pioneer Works.

Holy. Shit. It’s crazy to think that a video of a live show could be so compelling, but even as a facsimile of the real thing, it is incredible. The sound of 22, A Million is so far removed from his debut album – in the best way possible – that it’s hard to believe they share a common author. As a live performance, it is next level genius, the distillation of years absorbing, learning, reflecting, and collaborating with influences as diverse as Bonnie Raitt, Kanye West, GAYNGS, and James Blake. This is the album that plays when you’re born, and also when you die. This is the show to see in 2017. -Jose Lopez-Sanchez

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BIBLIODISCOTHEQUE @ Library of Congress Begins This Week

While the tickets to the Library Of Congress + BYT disco extravaganza sold out in LESS than 2 min, check out their website for details live streaming of all sorts of goodness and also, pre-emptively – get tickets to our upcoming Nat Geo After Hours so as not to suffer from that sinking feeling of being left out. Also, Subscribe to our newsletter and stay in the loop for more info always.

 

 

Cinco de Mayo @ Canal Park May 5 and 6

It’s time to celebrate your favorite Mexican battle with your favorite margarita! And this time you’re getting a Cinco y Seis de Mayo! Muy bien. Head over to Canal Park for TWO DAYS of drinks, mariachi bands and um Mexican wrestling. MEXICAN WRESTLING. – Jenn Tisdale

Force of Nature Launch @ Denizens Brewery May 6

Join our friends at REI and hundreds of women to kick off their year-long celebration of women and raise a glass to the world’s largest level playing field – the outdoors! We’ll start with a speaker panel of some of the region’s most influential women, screen short films highlighting stories of women outdoors, and keep the night rolling with some of their favorite female DJs. PLUS: sweet gear giveaways too, and where better to throw a party like this than the region’s only majority female-owned brewery – Denizens Brewing Company! All are welcome to the celebration and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Click here for a full list of FORCE OF NATURE events through September. -Svetlana Legetic

Around the World Embassy Tour May 6 and A Shortcut to Europe May 13

Two consecutive Saturdays in May allow you to visit around 100 different countries embassies. These events by Passport DC is one of the perks of living in Washington, D.C. You can not physically visit every embassy that will open its doors. Enjoy what you’re able to experience while you’re there. You will stand in lots of lines and you will think you’re missing out. While you’re standing in those lines and contemplating what you’re missing, plan your next trip. Most every embassy participating has events throughout the year. Go to these events. It’s another one of the perks of living in Washington, D.C. Come back to BYT later in the month for coverage. -Brandon Wetherbee

DC Bike Ride May 14

The DC Bike Ride is back and it has all of the things you’re looking for in a bike ride. From traffic free streets to a damn good filled finish festival, it’s the perfect ride if you’re a serious no nonsense biker or just a causal biker who wants to be able to ride downtown without getting doored! This year, they’ve lengthened the course and on course entertainment, which means you get to jam out to the sounds of Batala and the Dupont Brass Band as you ride. After the ride, do a little yoga, grab a bite to eat from one of the many food trucks, and get ready to dance your feet off to music by Jeff from Accounting and DJ Biz Markie! Take your (just a) friends, take your mom, take your kids and enjoy some sweet spring biking. -Kaylee Dugan

The Phillips Collection Contemporaries Bash @ Dock 5 at Union Market May 19

This was the best gala/party/whatever-you-want-to-call-dressing-up-at-Dock-5 of 2016. We’ll be back this year. -Brandon Wetherbee

Phillips contemporaries bash

Neon Speakeasy After Party @ Union Market May 20th

The art party of the month is the Halcyon Awards Gala. Following that is the Halcyon’s Neon Speakeasy, planned to channel the smoky, secret rooms of 1920s deco Americana and celebrates the iconic neon lights of a timeless Ocean Drive in Halcyon’s Neon Speakeasy, the party-meets-after-party party held at Union Station’s Presidential Suite. DJs, open bars, supporting the arts, all included. Grab tickets now. -Svetlana Legetic

Kennedy Center Open House: Celebrating JFK at 100 May 27

True to its name the Kennedy Center (what, did you think it was named after former MTV VJ turned insane Fox News person, Kennedy?) is celebrating JFK’s 100th birthday this year! And whew boy is it gonna be a banger with a full day of activities planned: Dancing! (Bandaloop, Company E, Flexn, Washington Ballet), Skating! (Finding a Line: Skateboarding, Music, & Media), Spoken word! (spoken word artist Polarbear), singing! (The National Memorial Day Choral Festival). This sounds pretty intense. Don’t forget to pack a snack! -Jenn Tisdale

Flower Mart @ National Cathedral May 6 and 7

It’s time to get to the flowers part of the ol’ April bring May flowers adage. Let’s celebrate the Earth waking back up from its (unseasonably warm) winter slumber. Not only will you be surrounded by Mother Nature’s GIFT TO YOU but you’ll also have access to delicious food at one of the most beautiful buildings in the city. Put a bunch of Enigma on a playlist and enjoy the world. -Jenn Tisdale

French Open begins May 22

I’m not a warm weather person, so there is hardly anything I’m genuinely looking forward to this month WITH THE EXCEPTION of the French Open. I’ve talked many, many times about how I am semi-inexplicably a huge fan of tennis; it’s not a sport I actually play, but there is something very relaxing about the orderliness of it all that keeps me glued to any/all major tournaments. What’s so special about Roland Garros? It’s the only one of the four Grand Slams to be played on clay tennis courts, and in addition to being very aesthetically pleasing (IMO), it’s interesting to see how the players are able to deal with the surface. Also, this is the first major appearance Maria Sharapova will have made following the doping dramz which caused her to be suspended from competing, and apparently she’s a lot of people’s favorite to win? I wholeheartedly disagree and fail to see the logic in even remotely buying into that, slash put my money on literally anyone else from the women’s side. Meanwhile, I’d be very into seeing Kyrgios get his shit together and win it on the men’s end, but WHO KNOWS?! Anyway, qualifying rounds begin May 22 and you better believe I’ll be tuning in WITH OR WITHOUT YOU! -Megan Burns

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Maria Bamford: Old Baby available May 2

Maria Bamford is one of the best standup comics ever and any new special from her is a precious gift. Netflix has a new one from her coming out this month, entitled Old Baby and you better thank your stars that you get to live on the same planet of this woman. -Matt Byrne

Chris Gethard: Career Suicide airs May 6

Career Suicide, Chris Gethard’s incredibly well-reviewed one-man show about his struggles with depression, will finally be available for those not able to catch it during it its massive run in NYC or at the Ediburgh Fringe Festival. That is, available to anyone with an HBOGo password. -Matt Byrne

Mommy Dead and Dearest premieres May 15

May is Mother’s Day Month and HBO is celebrating it the BYT way: by showing the documentary inspired by, hands down, our favorite (read: most disturbing) longform true crime story of last year (don’t read if you don’t want instant spoilers). Insanity, child abuse, betrayal, deceit, forbidden love converge in small town America in a narrative so messed up it had to be true. The film is hot off rave reviews at SXSW and we suggest organizing your viewing party plans now. -Svetlana Legetic

The Wizard of Lies airs May 20

The Wizard of Lies is a new direct-to-HBO movie adapted from the book of the same name starring Robert De Niro as Bernie Madoff, directed by Barry Levinson. Who knows how this thing will be but it’s a rare opportunity to catch De Niro in a serious role these days, and that’s gotta be good for something, you know?
-Matt Byrne

Twin Peaks returns May 21

On April 8, 2014, we had a Twin Peaks takeover. We dedicated the entire site to a 25-year-old show with few signs of revival. On October 6, 2014, it was announced that there would be a third season of the television show. It’s May 2017. It’s happening again.

A few weeks before the return, the kitsch and nostalgia is too strong. Though Twin Peaks has many gif-able moments, it’s core is an incredibly dark story about the horrors of sexual abuse. For all of the damn fine coffee memes, there’s an underlying sense of despair and pain. If David Lynch’s history tells us anything, it’s don’t expect anything. Will it be more goofy, like parts of season 2? Will it be family friendly like The Straight Story? Will it continue the confusion of Fire Walk With Me? Most likely yes on all fronts.

To get ready without spoiling the future confusion, please revisit our DC as Twin Peaks map. We tried to capture the spirit of the show. Is it kitschy? Absolutely. Is it dark and full of despair? Only if you’re willing to read it. -Brandon Wetherbee

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Beat Shazam premieres May 25

Beat Shazam is a game show based on an app that is really just Name That Tune hosted by Jamie Foxx. I dunno, man. -Matt Byrne

Fear Factor returns May 30

Ludacris is hosting a reboot of Fear Factor which is great because Ludacris is cooler than Joe Rogan in every way imaginable. It’s also moving away from the grossout challenges of the original series towards more cerebral, emotionally driven fears; think less goat testicles, more surprise destruction of contestants’ cell phones. -Matt Byrne

House of Cards season five debuts May 30

I never understood the concept of “hate-watching” until I saw House of Cards. It’s somehow hammy and vicious at the same time. Its piss-poor depiction of Washington politics, which is well-documented, pales in comparison to its crimes against storytelling. It is self-congratulatory, smug and, perhaps worst of all, not nearly as smart as it thinks it is.

And yet. And yet I can’t stop watching. What’s more, when season five debuts on Netflix on May 30, I’ll probably crush the whole thing in two or three days. What keeps me coming back? A big part of it is Kevin Spacey’s performance as our eeeeevil commander in chief, as chewy and tangy as South Carolina BBQ. And I love the show’s whole chilly freezing aesthetic, which takes its cues from Robin Wright’s ice queen first lady. The Underwood White House looks so cold it might suddenly start snowing on the inside.

But really, I just have to see what happens. Shame, shame, shame on HoC for structuring its entire last season on a presidential campaign without showing us Election Day. If they have the nerve to end season five without giving the electoral results, I’m definitely quitting this show. Probably. Maybe. -Tristan Lejeune

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Madame Butterfly @ Kennedy Center May 6-21

Last year’s massive Washington National Opera show at the Kennedy Center was the Ring Cycle. This year is Madame Butterfly. Our excitement for this production is on par with The Ring Cycle. Who else produces better large scale stage shows than the WNO? We could have included this in the art section in addition to theater. Come back for our preview later this week. -Brandon Wetherbee

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BalletX performing to music of Amy Winehouse & Beirut @ Dock 5 May 13

Halcyon is bringing the incredibly contemporary BalletX company to perform to the music of Amy Winehouse and your favorite mid-2000’s indie band, Beirut. The company has received a flurry of accolades, and you can trust this is going to be strange in the best sense of the word. This is nothing like being forced to watch The Nutcracker every year. Bonus: check out photos from the last Halcyon stage here. -Svetlana Legetic

Macbeth @ Shakespeare Theatre Company runs through May 28

It’s by far Shakespeare’s shortest tragedy, but also one of his most quotable — and his spookiest. Titus Andronicus is bloodier, but Macbeth has ghosts, witches, madness, and lots and lots of murder. Like, “who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?”-level murder. It’s so haunted, theatre folks don’t even like to say its name in the building. It’s “the Scottish play,” ya n00bs.

Except, under the direction of Liesl Tommy, this production isn’t really Scottish at all. Lord and Lady Macbeth have been transplanted, which is fine — the Bard is used to it. I’m eager to see where they land, but I bet Birnam Wood still makes it to Dunsinane. Macbeth is about allowing ourselves to become monsters, and that, of course, happens everywhere… -Tristan Lejeune