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Ooh, girl. What a gay week it’s been already! Some sort of plastic egg Gaga situation at the Grammys, Pocket Gays posting their saucy Missed Connections all over Facebook, Valentine’s Day twinky cherubs flying about, and now RPDR! This might be the gayest week ever.

But for some reason, RPDR didn’t quite live up to the VD hype – probably because this week’s challenge involved reading teleprompters, and drag queens are meant to be seen and not heard, am I right? So to spice things up, we will randomly throw in awesome shots of the queen of morning talk, Miss Kathie Lee Gifford, throughout our synopsis. Nothing like gettin’ tipsy on pinot at 8 am, eh Kath?

Anyhoo, on this week’s RPDR, the girls enter the work room and lift India up (paying homage to Mimi’s body-lift from last week) so India can wipe Mimi’s farewell message off the work room mirror. “Being in the bottom two, it kinda like, lit a lightbulb in my head,” India says. So profound.

In their mini challenge, each girl stars in her own sensational paparazzi photo. Ready, set, ESCANDALO! (Shall we add escandalo to our our drinking-game terms for this season?) Most of the girls seem to think that sensational = crotch shot or nipple peek, except for Raja, who just looks like a bloody, bruised crackhead. Carmen shows off her mangina.

Ru: “I’m proud to say you all are whores!”

Ru tells the girls that for their main challenge, they need to stay abreast of current events and get their CUNT ready for morning television. They’ll form two teams, and each team will do a live broadcast of a morning news program. The roving reporter on the team will interview Kristen Cavallari, who looks simply overjoyed to be on the show.

The guest judges this week are the sexy, iconic Chloe Sevigny…

…and the doltish Debbie Matenopoulos, or however the hell you spell it. Yes, Debbie is the blonde chick who was fired from The View like a decade ago. Then she was a judge for the 2004 reality show He’s A Lady. Impressive resume, Ms. Matenopoulos!

Commercial break: JuJu! Oh, how we miss you. You ARE an Absolut Cosmo, for sure.

Back to the show: Yara Sofia is one of the weathergirls, and seems to be confused about the word nippy. Ru, to Raja: Have you ever anchored before? Heh, heh. Manila is “channeling the best queens of interview, like Mario Lopez or Ryan Seacrest.”

Carmen is naked, again.

Time for morning newscast realness! Ru tells Debbie to walk the girls through the technical aspects of being in a newsroom, so she says things like “you’re steering the ship” ad nauseum. It seems Stacy, India and Mariah are barely literate. Stacy: “I’ve never been in front of a teleprompter. Slow that shit down, I gotta read.” Hey, at least she’s honest. India, in preparation for her weathergirl bit: “I was thinking to myself, just like, do like, what Al Roker would do.” Yes honey, because Al Roker is a drag icon. Another choice India comment: “This team is counting on me to do good, so I’m just like, ugh.” Can we get rid of this bitch already? Please?

Manila creates a horribly stereotypical Asian character for her roving reporter bit. Ru says she sounds like Barbara Walters. Debbie: “It was so wrong, that it was so right. Sometimes you have to break an egg to make an omelet.” What???

Back in the work room, the girls get ready for their runway show and engage in a heavy discussion about pageantry. Time out: there are drag pageants? Why did I not know this? Wiki break: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drag_pageantry

Ru struts the catwalk in a pretty striped gown, and the runway show begins. Holy fuck, Delta. “We found Nemo” is RIGHT!

Carmen models a newspaper bikini. Sigh. Mariah, navy velvet gown, yawn. Ru says she is resting on pretty. Yara’s doing some sort of goth bikini thing. Raja is a fashion week Marie Antoinette.

The judges think Shangela’s broadcast was fantastic, and I agree. Ru is very proud of her. She looks amazing on the runway.

She totally should have won, but instead, Miss Pineapple Dream Manila Luzon wins this week’s contest. Her prize is a $2,000 GC to Wig USA.

India, grey gown, yawn x 2. India: “I had so much confusion going on.” Ru: “You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.” Again, what??? The judges think Stacy Layne has a Yorkie on her head.

Ru says Stacy’s brilliant moments are too few and far between. India and Stacy will be lip-syncing for their lives.

Commercial break: Johnny Weir is talking about “ass circles.” Raven is *so* hot. I kind of secretly want to see Hall Pass.

Time for the lip-sync: The girls will be performing “Meeting in the Ladies Room!” YES! Why didn’t I know this song existed until I saw the video at JR’s like two weeks ago?

Stacy gives a good amount of attitude during her performance. Debbie is dancing and singing annoyingly through the whole song.

The judges vote, and YAYYYYY, India is told to sashay away!!! Remember India, it’s the Buckeye State, not the Bucktooth State. Peace out, sister.

That’s all, folks! Until next time, don’t be jealous of my boogie.