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I wanted to like Bly Manor so badly, you guys. SO BADLY. But it is truly one of the worst things I have ever spent my time trying to power through, slash please give me back my life minutes.

If you’re going, “What’s Bly Manor, Megan?” I’m going, “Thank god you didn’t just waste your weekend finding out!” But in all seriousness, it’s the second installment in The Haunting Of series, which was a HUGE success in its first run, Hill House, which was loosely based on a Shirley Jackson story. 

This go-round is loosely based on the work of Henry James, specifically The Turn of the Screw, which is actually a p. good short story, so I’m not entirely sure where it went so trash fire wrong…

Like, I feel like someone would have to make a concerted effort to create such a drawn-out, boring, not very scary, not very interesting, kind of very pointless NINE EPISODE disaster? But that’s exactly what they did.

Not even the queer romance between Victoria Pedretti’s character (Dani) and Amelia Eve’s character (Jamie) could save this train wreck, y’all! And that is SAYING something, coming from yours truly; I am more than willing to turn multiple blind eyes for the sake of a good LGBTQ+ story line, but this was just too egregious.

Maybe it was my mistake to read the aforementioned tale, The Turn of the Screw, in anticipation of the Netflix adaptation; the written version was infinitely creepier, probably because there’s a lot left to the imagination, whereas with the series, all of that kind of goes out the window. 

Maybe it was Pedretti’s mistake to somewhat bafflingly go for Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory American accent vibes? (I mean, what even…)

Maybe it was the showrunners’ mistake to spend the entire eighth episode going into ol’ faceless angry lake lady Viola’s backstory? (Seriously, I spent a large portion of that scrolling through Instagram because BORED DOT COM.)

(Slash speaking of which, who were all these random extraneous people that got shoehorned in?! Example: cool dead fiance with the shiny glasses, but also WHY.)

Or maybe it was their inability to make Jessel or Quint even remotely scary, whereas in the book they made my skin crawl.

I honestly don’t know if they tried to do too much or too little or what, but the resulting work left me PHYSICALLY ANGRY, that’s how much of a fail it was. (PS, I am also adjacently angry that they recycled some of the Hill House soundtrack in Bly Manor! Don’t cross contaminate my memories you jerks!)

I know I’m not the only one who thinks this because I’ve seen multiple people speak out about their disappointment, but are there people who are actually defending this abomination? TELL ME YOUR REASONING, BECAUSE I AM GENUINELY CONFUSED.

In short – if you haven’t watched yet, don’t. If you have, I’m so sorry. (Let’s file a class action lawsuit.)

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