It’s GRAMMYs weekend, and yesterday I was invited to check out what’s going to be inside guests’ gift bags on Sunday. And let me tell you, it is a wide array of goods ‘n services, many of which do not apply to the day-to-day of a lowly peasant such as myself, but which (I would imagine) align beautifully with the lifestyles of soon-to-be recipients.

The first stop on my journey through the participating vendors was McLear, where they had a display of black and white smart rings that can be linked to your bank account for touch and pay purchases. I have decided that, should anyone ever be in the running to propose to me, this will be the only ring I accept – only when I have the quickest and easiest access to your bank account will I know that it’s true love. The rings can also be used for things like unlocking doors, or, should you be so lucky, starting a Tesla car, but for the foreseeable future, I will just be using mine to make shopping fun again.

The next booth was full of very beautiful, presumably very pricey tanzanite jewelry from Safi Kilima; tanzanite, if you don’t know, is incredibly rare as it’s only found in Tanzania, and it is blue blue BLUE dot com. Like, the kind of blue that makes my eyes (also blue) want to cry in a bathroom stall for being so outdone.

This was not the only jewelry brand offering a selection of v. pretty things – Grossé, a German costume jewelry brand founded in 1907, and championed by the likes of Hollywood actresses and Christian Dior, will be blinging out GRAMMYs guests as well.

And next, for the kids (or young at heart) there was a display of bedazzled monkeys the size of your finger. These little Furby-esque amigos by WowWee and Popline Bling (aptly titled “fingerlings”) cling onto your digits, and they interact when you sing to them or blow them kisses. They also sleep, and (I guess) having sensed that I only got two hours of sleep the night before, the ones I was given to take for a test drive both immediately began to snore upon being placed on my index finger. (I am really fun to be around!)

For old people like me, meanwhile, there was a package of detox pills by Japanese company Sixth Sense Lab! The little green capsules are meant to keep you looking and feeling young through a formula of fifty-nine different nutrients. I have not taken these for a spin yet, but seeing as I just turned thirty, and my back is already feeling it, I will be sure to give them a go. (I also took a photo with a woman in a kimono at this booth, and they asked me to pretend I was swallowing the pill, which I did, animatedly. I hope they will email this to me so I can have a new Tinder profile picture, even though I am no longer on Tinder. I would reactivate for sure.)

Also in the cosmetics department was Oxygenetix, which is a dermatologist-approved liquid foundation. If you think that makeup is the devil, this is apparently the one for you as it’s very subtle and is suited for sensitive skin. I tend not to wear any makeup at all, which is probably why I am not going to receive a GRAMMY this year, but I actually feel like I might try using this, if only because I want to know if my tone is Pearl or Opal. (Or Ivory?!) Whatever the case, my skin tone is about to get a new classy AF nickname.

Meanwhile, Smile Direct Club was offering sets of invisible aligners and whitening services. (My teeth are far from perfect, but I just reassure them constantly that being straight and white isn’t even that cool anymore.) It’s pretty tight that they just send the whole kit to your house and you don’t have to be sitting in an orthodontist chair for hours like it’s middle school again. I would gladly use this service if I felt like making peace with my mom, who curses the day I stopped wearing my retainer.

And for those trying to get rid of ye olde winter bod, there was another booth giving out LumiDiet diet belts, which look like cummerbunds for robots, but are actually meant to help you burn fat through the use of infra-red LED lights. (That sounds very much too good to be true, but as long as skinny jeans are in, nothing sounds too far-fetched to at least give a shot.)

Plus let’s not forget about the good causes! In the way of smoking prevention, the Truth campaign (which has a commercial spot during the GRAMMYs) will be giving out specially designed acoustic guitars to GRAMMYs guests, and should they decide to donate them back, the guitars will be given to schools, and the donors will receive Truth backpacks as a token of appreciation. For guests wishing to champion their own charitable efforts, Stands will offer to make specialized merch that can be sold to benefit whichever organization is in mind, and the company will also donate ten percent of its own profits from these sales to said organizations. A win-win-win!

And in the way of things that might be of interest to the frequent flyer, Happiest Tee was offering REAL SOFT shirts that they suggest be worn in-flight (no wrinkles vibes).

All in all, lots of different things in one swag bag, and while certain items might suit certain people better than others, a pretty well-balanced spread when all is said and done. Shout-out to the #GRAMMYGiftLounge for giving me the opportunity to peruse these things before most other humans, and for reminding me that I am severely lacking in both fame and finances! (Jokes! Kind of!)

And remember – we’ll be live-tweeting the GRAMMY Awards this Sunday, so be sure to follow us at @BYT on Twitter for all the insightful LOLs!