First of all there are no funny videos featuring hawks. Hawks are deadly predators and unless you want to watch them swoop down and snatch up your cat from the backyard (GOD NO) then you’re out of luck. No one is dressing up hawks in hilarious costumes. Yet. To celebrate the fact that Ethan Hawke is at Sixth and I tonight discussing his latest book (art imitates life imitates art, remember Sinister?) we found a wonderful BBC Planet Earth video with some New Guinea Birds of Paradise doing an unintentionally hilarious mating dance. The dance begins with the male bird cleaning up his area. In the human world this is the equivalent of changing your sheets. Please change your goddamn sheets. He then dances like no one is watching because sadly, no one was watching. To up his game he begins screeching which one can only assume is like hollering at you from a bar. Unlike the bar scenario, the high-pitched screeching actually works (do not yell at human women from across a bar or in general). When a female bird finally shows up the male bird dances AT her, not with her but in her direction. It’s kind of like this:
The dance doesn’t work and goddamn it if you don’t feel sad about it. GUYS CAN YOU JUST WORK IT OUT???