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I assume that because you are on the internet at this moment, chances are you’ve heard about how Brooklyn’s The Bagel Store’s “Rainbow Bagel” is causing everyone’s brains to implode. If you weren’t aware, though, The Bagel Store sells what is being hailed as the new Cronut, aka a plain-flavored (with potentially psychosomatic notes of Play-Doh) technicolor bagel that is just SO Instagrammable that it’s causing lines to wrap around the block. (It costs $3.95 without any accompaniments and it is pretty dumb.)


Let me briefly say that I’m not a bagel person. That’s not to say I won’t eat bagels if they’re around, because bread = good, but they’re not something I’d ever order of my own volition. UNLESS, of course, there is a gimmick like this one involved, in which case I feel it is my duty as a human of the internet to exploit the fad its full and stupid potential.

And so without further adieu, I give you the OUT-RAINBOWED RAINBOW BAGEL (complete with rainbow sherbet, which is apparently the correct way to spell sherbert, and a bunch of other Lesley Gore-approved accoutrements), because why wouldn’t we make something that is so utterly idiotic even more absurd:


Did you eat the Rainbow Bagel? Do you care? (Please tell us in the comments because we care but only a little.)