Mr. Frito is a dog. He belongs to Russ Marshalek of A Place Both Wonderful and Strange, and he is an occasional (and highly valued) BYT contributor. He has kindly given us the following Valentine’s Day advice, which entails clean noses and lots of peanut butter:

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ok hi erybody it me frito ima dog hahaha no butt rly nao

so iz valentinz day n ery1 askn me “hey frito u r a dog da laydeez luv can u help me w my luv lyfe lik how can i get da laydeez 2 wanna have sum bubblee w me on valentinz day?”

ok sos u wana nose how 2 impres ur chozn 1 da persin u luv da mos in da worl? or jus how 2 get lukee? ok deres a cuple steps

1) keep ur noze soft n ur dik kleen

dis is evn if u don has a dik! or a noze! u gots 2 tak car ov urself bcuz if u dun luv u no1 els cann! u r da mos importnt 2 u so u gotsa ta treet urself lik it!

2) ware sumthn nice

iz nice wen u hangin out w sum1 and dey obvsly dresd up 4 u. wen im hangin owt w da ladeez i lik 2 ware my smokn jaket it sez “hey ladeez…wan sum bubblleee??!” hahahahahaha dun smok tho iz no gud

3) share yr penr budr

OK erybody dis 1 seemz obvsiuz butt not erybody nose!!!!! u b srurpsid how many ppl dun nose 2 find tru luv u gotsa share ur PENR BUDR!!! dis VRY imprtant n FIRS TING I LUKS 4!!! das y i lov vaniler bc shez my mooom n she sharez da PERNT BUdAR!!!!! YAYAYAYAAY!

4) say wot u feel

u gots b upfron if u lik or dun lik som1!!!!!! dun play gamz k?!?!? dun b stoopid. let ppl nose if u tink dey r cute or if u gots ta poop! hahaha!! jus a lil bark wil do

5) treet ery1 w respec even if dey r othr dogs whoo r stoopid

dis 1 kinda self xplansitorny. u gotz 2 treet ery1 w a sertin kindnis evn if dey r othr dogs whoo r stoopid. jus rememer u liv ur lyfe n b a cool doggo!

ok so dis it from me MR FRITO IMMA DOG HAHAHAHAH hop u fine luv on dis vlanlentimez day n dun 4get SHARE UR PNT BUDAR!!!!! hahah butt rly.

toots n kises,
-mr frito

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