Shit is out of control this week – everything that has happened has happened in the extreme. Its like the universe had all this pent up energy and just sharted it all out within the course of 7 days. An extreme shart. Like, the band Extreme:
Or, like “Rollercoaster Extreme,” the video game my cousin bootlegged and we played while drinking purple Fanta:
Or like the Animorphs book, “The Extreme,” which officially marked the beginning of the end for my Animorphs obsession:
Totes crazy. So before the universe decides its not done sharting and vomits up a whole sleuth of new craziness that I won’t have time to blog about, lets get started with the post.
1. Sci-Fi Top: Zachary Quinto Comes Out!
So Spock was always a little faggy, but little did people know that Mr. Quinto was bringing a special something to the table when he brought the science fiction legend to life again in 2009’s “Star Trek” reboot. Anyone who saw his performance, or any of his other performances (sans his stint in “Angels in America”) would have never guessed that the actor was one of the “boyz.” Unless you are a level 5 mutant who’s superpower is gaydar, you are likely as surprised about this as the rest of us.
He apparently came out in reaction to one of the most recent suicides of a teenager who created an “It Gets Better” video, believing that it was part of his duty as a celebrity to be public about who he really was. I really like the way he came out, too – very blasé, in a magazine interview, as though people had known all along. Very cool.
Once the press got a hold of the story, it was everywhere. Check out Dan Kloeffler outing himself by simply reporting on the story – amazing:
And the world is good again!
2. Bull Ball Top: This Man Has 100 Pounds of Scrotum
Lots of people go to Las Vegas to hit it big, but Wesley Warren Jr. should have been a bit more specific. I know this isn’t funny and this is a life-threatening illness, but damn does that guy have some big balls!
Mr. Warren Jr. is asking for donations to help him afford a $1 million surgery which would remove all the mass that has accumulated in his scrotum. Its an unfortunate situation in the extreme, and I sincerely hope he manages to get the money he needs.
You can hear and see more about his story here.
3. Aquatic Top: Baby Dolphin Rescue
Okay, rarely do I log onto newspapers and magazines or even blogs to leave comments, but this post had my fingers itching to write “BAWWW” with an extra few hundred Ws attached. Look. At. That. Thing.
The baby dolphin was found a little over a week ago in Uruguay, just seven days old and with its umbilical chord still attached. They are not sure if she’s going to survive, being that most baby dolphins who are rescued don’t last, but they are hoping for the best. Rehabilitation for the wild would take at least two years.
The guy isn’t cute, but man, I’d sure like to give him a proper “thank you.”
Baby animals are so sweet!
4. Wordy Bottom: The Great Scrabble Strip Search
Scrabble isn’t typically viewed as one of the sexier games – it does not have the sexual innuendo of Hungry Hungry Hippos or the sexual tension as Jenga. It doesn’t offer the potential to ram your cranium up someone’s asshole like Twister, nor the promise of potentially macking on a crush like Spin the Bottle.
However, at the annual International Scrabble Championship game, a strip search was demanded after the letter G went missing. Now, I’m not sure if they ever found the letter G, but I definitely think its about time someone turned my favorite word game into something that could potentially get one laid.
After all, G is for groin. Or G-spot.
5. De-Powered Bottom: Gaddafi Be Gone!
I know its wrong to cheer when people die, so I won’t do that in this post, but I will say that I think the world will be a better place without this guy around. Hopefully this brings some semblance of peace for all of his regime’s victims.
For some NSFW death pics, click here, you morbid sonnovabitch. That is all.
See, mom, I CAN be serious sometimes!
The universe did it big this week! You go, universe, you sexy lady you! Have a great weekend – and if your kids get sleepy while you’re out, just tuck them in at the foot of the bar and continue pushing those Seabreezes back. Make sure you drive home, too.