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Well, here we are in the 2nd episode of the MUCH ANTICIPATED Top Chef DC and I am still yet to like A SINGLE PERSON IN IT. But, since I am not a quitter, here is what happened yesterday night.

16 remaining chefs wake up: they do push ups, they moisturize, they shave in the middle of their bedrooms, they make eggs with A LOT OF BUTTER-its a veritable adult dorm scene and every aspect of it is predictable.

Then they cruise over to the Hinckley Hilton and realize-THEY’RE COOKING (prehistoric) APPETIZERS FOR HOMO ERECTUS. (we wish).

Actually-they cruise over to the Hinckley Hilton and realize they’re cooking for White House chef Sam Kass (who, btw, is oh-so-hot, right?)

and the quickfire involves making bi-partisan sandwiches (after the “young professionals” episode last week, cliches of DC existence and lingo are bound to be just rolling in) while wearing 1 apron with 2 head openings, basically functioning like siamese twins in the kitchen.

Things get tasted and all goes predictably, in terms of scoring: Angelo (he of overmanicured eyebrows and endless cockiness) and Tracey (along for the ride) win (and win immunity as a prize) with Kenny and Ed taking second place and Kenny, being a runner up, 3 challenges in a row now is mad and out to prove something.

Jacqueline and Stephen with their white bread and these 2 other non descript women end up in the bottom, and frankly, no one care.

The elimination challenge though is “one very close to Obamas hearts”: recreated a DC public school lunch using healthy ingredients and having the budget that the DC public schools have: $2.6 per child. They are to work in teams of 4 and Angelo and Tracey get to pick who they are going to team up with and they pick Kenny and Ed, which I thought they did because that way they’d have the strongest team but the camera cuts to Kenny and he (forebodingly) announces that “THIS IS ALL STRATEGY” and that “IF WE HAVE THE LOSING TEAM, MY CHANCES OF BEING ELIMINATED WILL GO UP FROM 25% TO 50% SINCE ANGELO AND TRACEY HAVE IMMUNITY”.

So, anyway-you basically know who has a losing team before they even start cooking. I love you BRAVO-but there’s such a thing as “too obvious”.

Anyway-they sit around to plan menus (there needs to be a main course, a fruit, a vegetable and a dessert) and go shopping and you know that Angelo/Tracey/Kenny/Ed fiasco aside the team which has Amanda, who I really dislike (making sherry chicken? for kids? and being a bitch about it too), Stephen (out of his depth), Jacqueline (who sheepishly gives up the chocolate she needs for her dessert so that Amanda has money to buy SHERRY!) and someone else (they’re all blending together) are in trouble.

The prep day goes as can be imagined with some fake drama in the Kelly/Arnold/2 others team which, obviously, has the best menu and just needs to get along and sporadic Kenny observations of “Angelo just working on his peanut butter mousse and not helping anyone”.

Tom visits them and does not seem too enthused or non-enthused (much like you, dear viewer/reader).

Also, Eric Rippert is too French to deal with American cafeterias so he is nowhere to be found and we’re stuck looking at Sam Kass’ pursed lips and shiny shaven head and classic cheekbones that make him resemble a younger, handsomer Yul Brinner for the rest of the episode.

Cue the Sam Kass montage:

Anyway, the serving goes as expected: the really sugary, chocolateless banana pudding Jacqueline made is a joke, the sherry chicken is a disaster, the peanut butter on celery does not count as vegetables, Ed’s potato puree is “too spicy for kids” and EVERYONE LOVES Kelly’s tacos and whatever else her and her minions have made.

Back at the judges’ table people question if Angelo threw this challenge (which I think is funny(ish) since the man IS ALL ABOUT WINNING EVERY SINGLE CHALLENGE), rip Amanda a new one (Sam: “So, while you had to give up chocolate, Amanda, you still found room in your budget to buy SHERRY?”-dead silence), the contestants try to throw each other under the bus etc etc.

Kelly’s team wins, with Kelly, the pork taco maker as the winner

and the sherry chicken team loses though sadly, it is not Amanda that goes home but Jacqueline, who shows kids a valuable lesson: don’t be a pushover.

And we’re all left with nothing else to look forward to but more photos of Sam Kass. Fine.


In the mean time though-tell us what you thought of it + poke around DC Public School Lunch Director’s Jeff Mills’ fridge. We did.