By Anastasia Kolobrodova
“Things We Did And Didn’t Do”
What? It’s December? But it was just January or February or June and I had plans for this year. How is this even possible? What was that New Year’s resolution? Wasn’t I going to learn Arabic and parkour?
“I Don’t Want to Get Over You”
You broke up because he didn’t want to give you a Christmas present, and you didn’t want to spend Christmas Day with with his family in Kentucky pretending to believe in god. But now it’s deep into holiday season, and you’re just going to stay in this bed and drink an entire bottle of vermouth alone and ignore his Instagrams.
Casual racism from your father, veiled homophobia from your mother. You can’t even handle this level of family time. Drinking alone in the bathroom pretending you have indigestion? Yes, please. If you get through this it will be a miracle.
“Papa Was a Rodeo”
We’re too cool for this place. Let’s get the hell out and go somewhere where we can break bottles on the street and laugh too loud at some stupid shit. Kiss me like you don’t care where I work, and we’ll be together forever as long as we don’t let this place get us down.
“I Don’t Believe in the Sun”
IT IS SO DARK. IT IS SO COLD. NOBODY LOVES ME. ALL OF MY FRIENDS HAVE LEFT DC TO SEE THEIR FAMILIES AND I AM THE ONLY ONE LEFT. WILL I EVER SEE ANOTHER HUMAN AGAIN? DO OTHER HUMANS EVEN EXIST? No seriously, did I dream them?
“Come Back from San Francisco”
You made a resolution not to smoke cigarettes and not to have sex with your hookup buddy because you know that both aren’t going anywhere good. But, like, you really want to?
“I Think I Need a New Heart”
This month is all about lies. Everything is a lie. You don’t really like your grandfather’s sweater. Your friend’s mustache is an unfortunate and unwelcome relic from “Movember.” Your gifts did get delivered, you just can’t deal with writing thank you notes. Nothing is true, nothing is false, nothing is.
“A Pretty Girl is Like…”
“The Night You Can’t Remember”
I was at Mockingbird Hill but I took a shot at Shaw’s Tavern and I left my coat at Boundary Stone. Did I shotgun a beer at Showtime? Did I try to steal someone’s Shiba Inu? Did I eat Brussels sprouts at some point? Sometimes you yolo too hard, and you go with it, and it’s winter so let’s just go with it.
“Bitter Tears 8”
This city is ugly, everyone in this city is ugly, this song is ugly. I’m going to cry in my bed, I’m going to cry at my job, I’m going to cry while biking on the street. Seriously, will I ever see the sun again? I’m beginning to doubt it.
Man, to hell with everyone saying that D.C. is a second tier city. In addition to looking pretty and running the country, we have the most important thing in the world: You’re here, I’m here and we’re in love.