Hinge is a dating app that introduces you to your friends’ single friends. They launched February 7th in exclusively in DC, and have almost 10,000 users so far. Hinge is available for iPhone and is coming for Android in early April. Check them out at http://hinge.co
Yesterday Hinge released some interesting data on the the District’s most attractive workforces:
“Hinge users have accumulated more than one million ratings, so we’ve got some serious numbers to crunch. We had our nerds sift through all the data to see which local workplaces had the most attractive employees by average Hinge rating.”
Here’s what they found:
Now let’s be highly speculative and meanspirited and ponder what makes these businesses employ so many beautiful people:
Vida Fitness – What else do these people do except for increase the fitness of their bodies. Lifting, cardio, lounging out in spas, facials, massages, baking themselves bronze in tanning beds. And if you’re a personal trainer, then of course yelling in the face of someone to finish their reps triggers daddy-issue types and submissive fetishists.
US. Senate and House of Reps. – Two theories. 1) In a male dominated work force, scummy Chiefs of Staff hire their female subordinates on looks rather than skill. 2) In a culture of nepotism, the same popped collar, pretty boy / pretty girl genes have remained for decades expressing their phenotypes from one vaguely incestuous generation to the next.
The Advisory Board Company – “The Advisory Board Company is a global research, technology, and consulting firm partnering with 150,000 leaders in 3,700+ organizations across health care and higher education.” Since we all know consulting is bullshit – I mean no one really knows what it is – it makes sense that The Advisory Board just hires people that have pretty smiles and use words like “synergy” and “social media marketing experts” and are slightly more proficient at Microsoft Word than their government worker counterparts.
Living Social – Directly from their job application: If you’re pretty and get 3 more of your pretty friends to work here, we’ll give you a free e-coupon to Chopt!
Corporate Executive Board – This is sort of like the Advisory Board explanation, just look at the verbiage of their “About Me” section of their webpage: “By combining the best practices of thousands of member companies with our advanced research methodologies and human capital analytics, we equip senior leaders and their teams with insight and actionable solutions to transform operations.” They are just well groomed degree holders that win over clients with perfect teeth and horse shit corporate speak and obfuscating Power Point presentations and complimentary danishes.
Georgetown University – Since it costs you around $120,000 to graduate from Georgetown, it’s safe to assume that prior to enrolling, students were coddled and catered to any many different ways: cutting waves on yachts, semi-professional online shoppers, and plastic surgery as 18th birthday gifts. They enjoyed using purchase power to doll themselves up before entering a life of crushing law and medicine work, where they will continue to accumulate wealth, have affairs, and buy shit for their spoiled children, Braxton and Abigail.
The World Bank – The World Bank employs citizens from around the world. I’m sure there’s some sort of positive racism vibe going on here, an Orientalist-cum-Europhilic-cum-“exotic” way of viewing their work force. Hooray for diversity! Hooray let’s have sex!
Accenture, Deloitte – “Management consulting, technology services and outsourcing companies that help clients become high-performance businesses and governments.” See entries on: Advisory, Executive Boards.
Vocus – “Our integrated marketing software delivers real-time marketing leads directly to you.” Marketing is just selling yourself, so translates to just looking good and seducing people into flushing their cash out.
Booz Allen Hamilton – There place on the list may be warranted for all the buff ex-Marines strutting around their halls, but here’s my conspiracy theory: When the pieces of shit at BAH pocketed ~70 million from the Dept. of Homeland Security, they simply used their millions to get an illegal, obscure South American facial transplant flayed from the skin of teen models.
We can further divide the workplace by most attractive women and men by location, and you’re free to do so in the comments section. In the meantime I’m going to recharge my snark batteries.