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I understand that skinny-pants are trendy, and then leggings became trendier, and now it seems the girls just don’t own pants or leggings and have to wear their panty-hose/stockings/tights instead. At least, that’s what I hope the case is. I see girls everyday wearing them with “mini-dresses” aka long shirts.

Yesterday I saw a girl in a long hoodie, complete with front pocket wearing hose. I decided to be rude and ask if she was cold. She replied with,”oh, I’ve gotten used to wearing stockings with mini-skirts.” I shrugged and decided not to push it further – she was overweight and I didn’t want to wade into even more awkward territory.

People wear black more than other colors, I suppose they think it’s slimming, but they are usually wrong because, well they’re wearing black tights and not black pants; and I wish I could go up and say, “hey, I just thought I’d let you know that you’re not wearing pants,” but I haven’t, yet, but if it doesn’t go away soon, I might. I almost did at lunch the other day. There was a girl wearing them with UGGS!!!! and a long shirt. AGH!

Luckily I’m not the only one who is distressed over this.


There is even a website dedicated solely to the cause: http://www.tightsarenotpants.com/

I’m down with form-fitting attire, but I’m even more down with dressing well, not looking trashy/clueless/like-a-twat. So, let’s clear this up.

Pants – trousers, slacks, and jeans are all acceptable forms. They have to be completely opaque, that is, you should not be able to see through them, ever (except maybe if they’re white linen pants you wear to the beach, and even that is pushing it).

Leggings – a relative of pants but worn usually for dancing or working out; were commonly worn by little girls in the 90’s. Now are often worn in place of pants with oversized shirts and sweaters. Like pants, they are opaque.

(These should be worn with caution, sometimes people mistake tights for leggings; if they are see-through at all, even a little bit when you stretch them out, the belong in the later category.)

Tights/panty-hose/stockings/nylons – these are transparent, are to be worn under dresses, skirts, and in the winter as an extra layer under pants. These are not opaque and are not pants.

Please people, just say no to tights as pants. You know it’s a bad idea, and if you’re still unsure whether or not what you’re wearing is appropriate. Pleasepleaseplease, just turn around with your back facing your full-length mirror and if you can see the line on the tights or any part of your ass when you squat/sit/move, put on a fucking pair of pants. You will thank me later.