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As you know, we know, he/she/it knows, Fiona Apple has emerged from her five-year hiatus with a new album and, even more recently, a slew of additional North American tour dates(!) So if you missed her last pass through the District, you’re in extraordinary luck because you have not one but two dates coming up and not one but two chances to win free tickets before they even go on sale. (Who do you love?)

We’ve got one pair of tickets to Fiona’s Warner Theatre stop on June 26 and another pair for her June 20 Lyric Opera House show in Baltimore.

Though it’s still a mouthful, as far as wordiness is concerned The Idler Wheel is wiser than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords will serve you more than Ropes will ever do barely rivals 1999’s When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king what he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight and he’ll win the whole thing ‘fore he enters the ring there’s no body to batter when your mind is your might so when you go solo, you hold your own hand and remember that depth is the greatest of heights and if you know where you stand, then you know where to land and if you fall it won’t matter, cause you’ll know that you’re right (TL;DR see below video).

So to win, give us you best lengthy, whimsical album title and hold nothing back. There will be TWO winners to this contest so you’ve got double the chances. Have at it, dreamers.  (Ps.  Be sure to tell us which location, D.C. or Baltimore, you’d prefer to see.  No guarantees, but we’ll try to accomodate your request -Ed.)