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If you take a look at band bios, they will more than likely fall into a familiar trope that ironically tries to tell why they aren’t your average band.

The Lifelong Friends

This band usually has two core “lifelong friends” but the myth can also extend to the rest of the band in the most annoying of incarnations, and sometimes they’re siblings. The point here being that because of this deep knowing of each other, the music is that much more important, you see there’s more honesty and accountability because they don’t mince words with one another. Do they fight, ever? Oh you betcha, they’ll laughingly tell you.

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The Former Lovers

Similar to lifelong friends, there’s something more real about how they play together than just your average collaborators, except this time there’s sexual and emotional history and…tension? What was that look he gave her during that last song? I bet it’s about her.

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The Former Corporate Drone

This guy was a Wall Street trader but just couldn’t live a soulless existence anymore so he bravely walked away from money, picked up a banjo, and walk even more bravely towards smarmy roots music, but not before kicking off his wingtips and “travelin” the the world because guys, he didn’t leave Wall Street empty handed, let’s get real. So now he’s got some wisdom to impart from a monastery he visited. He spoke to a monk, guys.

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The Teacher

Before becoming a socially conscious rapper, she was a teacher. That’s all.

The Polished Turd of Mundanity

This band usually wants to tell you about the long streak of creative failures before the chance meeting Shlub 1 and Shlub 2. It’s the Paul and John story, only both dudes agreed that OK Computer is a masterpiece.

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The Hermit

This tortured soul spends every waking minute in the studio. He has the synth that your synth is trying to imitate, and the drum machines programmed by God aka Moroder.

He hates parties, socializing, women, laughter, and somehow makes the best disco music you’ve ever heard.

The Polyglot

You’ve seen her on that web series. Then you saw on her website that she makes play dough sculpture and you can buy it on Etsy. Guess what, she has a band called Artisinal Donuts. They’re super cute. Actress, artist, musician? Whatever, she doesn’t see why you have to be one thing– lalalalalalalalalala.

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The Foreign Man

They’re from an island in the Caspian Sea and do a Caspian style of hip-hop called “Ladka.” It’s a style they invented and nobody else really does it in the Caspian Sea, but whatever let’s just say it’s a thing. Americans love exotic things, you know, in moderation.

The Time Travelers

These guys are so inspired by the Civil War and American history that literally all of their songs are written from the perspective of an eldest son who enlists in the confederacy but doesn’t believe in slavery. They dress the part too and every show they open with an a capella hymn. The point is, this band is not a part of whatever paradigmatic bog we have to live in. Take a trip with these guys to another time, on a magic carpet made of beards.

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