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By Diana Metzger

I love any type of movie musical. I adore them so much I accrued horrendous student loans taking a film class on movie musicals my first semester of graduate school (I love MFAs). Sound of Music is one of my personal favorites. Julie Andrews is warm and wonderful, per usual. Christopher Plummer is a dreamboat (and continues to be, see: Beginners). The children are adorable. To this day, when offered a staircase, I will scoot my tush up them while singing “The sun has gone to bed and so must I.” In eighth grade, I played a very convincing Baroness, which I believe my method acting instilled me with the catty and jealous genes to this day.

As you can imagine, I’m amped as all get up that NBC is airing a live staged version of the Sound of Music. If you follow my Internet yowlings, you already know I am also a rabid country music fan so the casting of Carrie Underwood as Maria is a travesty and a thrill. Underwood has a killer voice and gives a dramatic live performance, but do I see her as an Austrian nun gone slightly wild (i.e. singing “Jesus Take the Wheel” instead of hymns in the Abbey)? Not particularly. Will I enjoy every second of it? You betcha. Me thinks NBC knows from the popularity of country music on their show “The Voice” that they have a built-in audience interested in seeing Underwood, but then why didn’t they go whole hog and cast Blake Shelton as the Captain?

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I’m flummoxed by Stephen Moyer’s casting at Captain Von Trapp, but after a little research I found out he’s a well-educated British stage actor on top of his turn as the be-fanged Bill on True Blood. Is he as dreamy as Plummer? I’m willing to be wooed.

I do love all the Broadway star casting, even if I can’t imagine the incredibly talented Audra McDonald as an Austrian mother superior (I gather to say she must have joined the convent in utero to be old enough to receive that honor).

All in all, tomorrow night’s show will be a shit-show ball. In order to enhance the fun, I’ve created a drinking game for the big event. I’ll also be tweeting the whole rigmarole at @iamdianametzger.

Grab a Austrian beer, such as Zipfer, who’s tagline is: “Ein Glas heller Freude (“A glass of delightful joy”) which is appropriate because a delightful joy will be had by all while watching this (especially after a case). Or you could grab a country music favorite like Crown Royale in a Dixie Cup and get the party started…

TAKE A SIP/CHUG/A DRINK WITH JAM AND BREAD WHEN YOU SEE:

Carrie Underwood’s Thighs

Because every former nun likes showing off their pilates-toned gams.

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Curling Iron Curls

The Baroness would know the best Dry Bar in Austria. Take two drinks if it’s on a nun).

Vocal Runs

Country divas don’t follow sheet music, they yodel those high notes til the sheep keel over and die. If finger wagging is involved, just chug until the lady takes a breath. 

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Children with Bieber Hair

A Captain’s motherless children really should be well coiffed, especially while on the run from Nazi’s. Nothing says emo like an impeding Holocaust.

Anytime Christian Borle is on Stage You Sing “Let Me Be Your Star”

Let’s be real, wouldn’t you rather be watching Megan Hilty play Marilyn right now?

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Looking for Stephen Moyer’s Fangs

Any time he smiles you know you’re looking. Now if only he’d take off his shirt.

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A Nun Larger than a Size 2

Only former models join convents anymore. Extra drinks if one of them as an obvious nose job.

Twang

Once Underwood starts getting folksy with those kids, you know the honey-tones of her native Oklahoma will come out.

You Want to Wear the Curtain Clothes

You’re totally eye-balling what a cute jumpsuit you could make out of your own curtains. Maria would have killed on Project Runway.

Maria Wears Anything with Sequins or Cleavage

Maria has to find some way to thank the body the Lord gave her. Maybe she’ll just show her thanks in her large coif—they do say “the bigger the hair the closer to God.”

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You Start Re-creating or Looking up Braiding on Pintrest

Braids are so in. Mother Abbess, stop trying to make wimples happen.

You Turn on the Julie Andrew’s Original Right Afterwards

Just clutch your bottle of red wine as you sing yourself to sleep. May I suggest “Edelweiss?”

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