The Probable/Ideal Nirvana Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony
Sean Gray | Brandon Wetherbee | Dec 17, 2013 | 2:30PM |

By Sean Gray and Brandon Wetherbee

Earlier today the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced their 2014 class. Nirvana, alongside Peter Gabriel, Hall and Oates, KISS, Linda Ronstadt and Cat Stevens will be enshrined in the hallowed halls of Cleveland’s pyramid looking thing by the lake.

It’s no surprise that one of the most important bands of all time has been chosen in their first year of Hall of Fame eligibility. It probably won’t be very surprising who inducts the band, what they say and who performs the covers. But we can dream.

Induction Ceremony Speakers

Likely Speakers: Michael Stipe, Eddie Vedder

>>>>>>>>>>>> Here is a Featured Event >>>>>>>>>>>>
Friday 03/10
Caroline Rhea from The Caroline Rhea Show and Biggest Loser LIVE at Arlington Drafthouse @ Arlington Cinema & Drafthouse
$25 / $25
Caroline Rhea, stand-up comedian and actress, brings a fresh, smart and spontaneous approach to all of her work. In 1989, Caroline ventured to New York to start her career in stand-up comedy. She studied in the stand-up program at the New School of Social Research and trained at the comedy club, Catch a Rising Star. With nightly gigs at New York's venerable clubs, Caroline's status quickly grew and she became an integral part of the city's comedy scene. Her career was further boosted by numerous appearances on "MTV's Half-Hour Comedy Hour," "Comic Strip Live" and "Caroline's Comedy Hour." For the last seventeen years, Caroline has continued to perform to sold-out audiences in top comedy clubs all over the country and in Canada. Her feature credits include, "The Perfect Man," with Heather Locklear, a supporting role in "Man on the Moon," the story of the late comedian Andy Kaufman, co-starring Jim Carrey, "Christmas With the Kranks," opposite Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis, and the wrestling film, "Ready to Rumble," opposite Oliver Platt, David Arquette and Scott Caan. Caroline's television career has taken off since she first starred as Aunt Hilda on The WB's sitcom "Sabrina, The Teenage Witch." She will next be seen in Lifetime's made for television movie "Fat Like Me," airing on January 8th, 2007. She was last seen in a one hour stand up special, part of Bravo's "Funny Girls," entitled "Rhea's Anatomy," which aired on Halloween 2006. Other credits include; host of "The Caroline Rhea Show," regular guest on Whoopi Goldberg's "Hollywood Squares," Drew's girlfriend on "The Drew Carey Show," the made for television movie "Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire," "Pride and Joy" on NBC, Host of NBC's "The Biggest Loser", Comedy Central's "Pulp Comic," "Comic Relief 8" and "HBO's One Night Stand 2005." She also appeared in the pilot of HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm," written byLarry David. A Montreal native, Caroline currently resides in New York and Los Angeles.
>>>>>>>>>>>> Ok, back to the article! >>>>>>>>>>>>

Who Should Speak: Someone from Flipper, Greg Sage of The Wipers, Mark Arm, someone from The Vaselines, Kim Gordon and/or Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth

Ideal Universe Speakers: Tobi Vail of Bikini Kill and Mary Lou Lord co-induction while Courtney Love throws things from the crowd

OR

The dude from The Vines who is surprisingly not dead inducts the band as Kurt

Induction Ceremony Content

Likely: Kurt’s sensitivity, how hard Dave hit the drums, “the underground,” how the band changed music (killed hair metal with clips from Motley Crue) and fashion (Lorde and Kanye West are shown on a screen in flannel at one point), Krist says, “All you need is guitar drums bass and a dream,” Dave makes fun of “American Idol”

What Should Happen: Steve Albini opens with, “If this introduction takes more than 15 minutes, someone’s fucking up. Oi!” and proceeds to play online poker for 5 minutes, talks about Major League Baseball for 5 minutes, speaks about analog recording for 5 minutes, 5 more minutes of online poker and ends with a plug for his food blog. Butch Vig is on stage for the duration behind a large Mac wearing those stupid over-sized glasses.

butchvig

Ideal Universe: Someone, anyone, asks, “What happened to L7?” then Kathleen Hanna is introduced as “Ms. Beastie Boy,” throws to a video of herself saying “I’M TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT ME NAMING TEEN SPIRIT, FUCKING CHRIST” and the video role ends with the words: “NIRVANA….The Pixies should be here first” and The Replacements “Left of the Dial” plays, the camera pans to someone in the crowd wearing a “THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME STILL SUCKS ” shirt under a flannel

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 1.50.16 PM

Tribute Band Performance

Likely: Dave will drum for KISS since Nirvana covered “Do You Love Me?”

AND

The tribute band will consist of someone from Sonic Youth (ideally Kim), Frank Black, someone in Soundgarden and/or Layne (hologram) from Alice In Chains

AND

Paul McCartney will perform with the remaining members, possibly while a Polo cologne commercial plays on the screens

What Should Happen: Sonic Youth reunites and re-enacts the “Dirty Boots” video with Dave and Krist playing the kids from the video

OR

A collection of all star punks, aka every musician that has appeared on Portlandia doing “Breed”

OR

Whoever is playing says fuck it and does “Moist Vagina”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3UtqswiDkQ

OR

The band that was “Nirvana” in the Sub Pop homecoming request video plays a 15-minute jingle about upcoming Sup Pop releases while the big guy from TAD is on stage and Eye from the Boredoms jumps off a bunch of amps

Ideal Universe: Nirvana and all of their peers refuse to do anything and Kings of Leon take their place

OR

Francis Bean with Krist, Dave and Pat cover “All Apologies” and Dylan Carlson (dude in EARTH which Kurt was in for a minute/guy that sold Kurt the gun that he/someone used on his skull) yelling from the crowd for them to do EARTH covers, while The Melvins play a parking lot show outside while all the guys that got kicked out of Nirvana sell bootleg NIRVANA ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME 2014 t-shirts and zines about their time in the band

OR

David Yow of The Jesus Lizard covering “Oh, The Guilt” with Dave and Krist. Yow just jumps around shirtless plugging his new solo LP that comes with a beer can covered in cement

OR

Flipper closes the show with a 30 min version of “SEX BOMB” with Gene spitting fire

Variables

Likely: Krist will wear a funny hat

tumblr_m9yey1xGqZ1r8l0veo1_400

Ideal Universe: a big Sub Pop LOSER banner in the background plugging the 2014 releases, a small Kill Rock Stars flag on a shoebox amp, #DGCINUTEROREISSUE on the bottom of screen the entire ceremony

12172

We realized this has turned into a MAD Magazine drawing. That may be because the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame is a MAD Magazine drawing. So it should be Weird Al everything. Weird Al inducts the band, Weird Al covers the band, Weird Al joins the band. Smells like Al. Smells like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Comments: