We originally ran this piece on January 7, 2014, on Nicolas Cage’s 50th birthday/BYT Nicolas Cage site takeoever. -ed.
One of the few things that the most recent episode of Community did not explore is the hairline of Nicolas Cage. The hairline is where the answers lie.
Cage’s screen debut was under a different name as a teenager. Now that he’s an AARP member, it’s finally time to follow the hairline to fully discover this enigma of a man.
1981
Best of Times
Full bodied, blonde, vibrant, a wonderful start.
1982
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
A small role, so you only get hair under a hat.
1983
Valley Girl
The pinnacle. The hairstyle most of our male readers currently have. Messy but not too messy, fresh, young, full of hope and life.
1984
The Cotton Club
A period piece deserves some period appropriate product. A Dapper Dan man twenty years before Clooney.
1985
No Film. The start of the hair loss?
1986
Peggy Sue Got Married
She sure did! Look at that pompadour!
1987
Moonstruck
A hairstyle to reflect the mess. Thinning but still hopeful.
1988
Vampire’s Kiss
A wig. It’s gotta be a wig. It’s the beginning of the crazy hair.
1989
Time To Kill
It has begun. The hairstyle we now associate with the legend first showed itself in the late 80s. It will never leave.
1990
Wild at Heart
An Elvis with a receding hairline. Fine by us.
1991
Zandalee
How can you have long hair and lose your hair? How? The first appearance of The Rock look. Also, has anyone seen this film?
1992
Honeymoon in Vegas
Another Elvis with thinning hair. Again, fine by us.
1993
Amos & Andrew
A brave actor brave enough to continue to pretend his hair wasn’t going away while pointing a shotgun at Samuel L Jackson.
1994
Guarding Tess
When the sun hits his scalp in just the right spot, it’s almost Letterman-esque.
1995
Leaving Las Vegas
His best role brought us his most realistic hair. No effects, all Cage. The hairstyle of a man drinking himself to death.
1996
The Rock
Wait, how is he growing more hair? What happened to his realistic Leaving Las Vegas look?
1997
Con Air
Come on. Really.
1998
City of Angels
OK, it’s getting better. No more Con Air craziness.
1999
Bringing Out the Dead
And it’s getting better again.
2000
Gone in Sixty Seconds
And it’s getting worse. Fast.
2001
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
Same level of bad. Once again, who saw this? This exists?
2002
Adaptation.
A fantastic use of his probable hair. Why can’t this be his hair? Why can’t he be brave enough to be himself?
2003
Matchstick Men
Dad hair for a dad. Good call.
2004
National Treasure
Crazy movie gets crazy hair. Truth in advertising.
2005
Lord of War
Realitic bad hair for a maybe realistic good film.
2006
The Wicker Man
Fuck this noise.
2007
Ghost Rider
What is this? This haircut is for an 8-year-old.
2008
Bangkok Dangerous
Fuck off.
2009
The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans
?
2010
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
If you’re going to go for it, GO FOR IT!
2011
Season of the Witch
FTW YOLO
2012
Stolen
Dad? Is that dad hair?
2013
The Frozen Ground
Wait, is he playing an age appropriate role with age appropriate hair?
2014
Left Behind
God will only want the follically gifted. The men and women brave enough to do whatever they want, whenever they want, even if it defies logic and ultimately harms a film. God wants the men and women who do not give a fuck. Cage is in.
