We originally ran this piece on January 7, 2014, on Nicolas Cage’s 50th birthday/BYT Nicolas Cage site takeoever. -ed.
One of the few things that the most recent episode of Community did not explore is the hairline of Nicolas Cage. The hairline is where the answers lie.
Cage’s screen debut was under a different name as a teenager. Now that he’s an AARP member, it’s finally time to follow the hairline to fully discover this enigma of a man.
Best of Times
Full bodied, blonde, vibrant, a wonderful start.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
A small role, so you only get hair under a hat.
The pinnacle. The hairstyle most of our male readers currently have. Messy but not too messy, fresh, young, full of hope and life.
The Cotton Club
A period piece deserves some period appropriate product. A Dapper Dan man twenty years before Clooney.
No Film. The start of the hair loss?
Peggy Sue Got Married
She sure did! Look at that pompadour!
A hairstyle to reflect the mess. Thinning but still hopeful.
A wig. It’s gotta be a wig. It’s the beginning of the crazy hair.
Time To Kill
It has begun. The hairstyle we now associate with the legend first showed itself in the late 80s. It will never leave.
Wild at Heart
An Elvis with a receding hairline. Fine by us.
How can you have long hair and lose your hair? How? The first appearance of The Rock look. Also, has anyone seen this film?
Honeymoon in Vegas
Another Elvis with thinning hair. Again, fine by us.
Amos & Andrew
A brave actor brave enough to continue to pretend his hair wasn’t going away while pointing a shotgun at Samuel L Jackson.
When the sun hits his scalp in just the right spot, it’s almost Letterman-esque.
Leaving Las Vegas
His best role brought us his most realistic hair. No effects, all Cage. The hairstyle of a man drinking himself to death.
Wait, how is he growing more hair? What happened to his realistic Leaving Las Vegas look?
Come on. Really.
City of Angels
OK, it’s getting better. No more Con Air craziness.
Bringing Out the Dead
And it’s getting better again.
Gone in Sixty Seconds
And it’s getting worse. Fast.
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
Same level of bad. Once again, who saw this? This exists?
A fantastic use of his probable hair. Why can’t this be his hair? Why can’t he be brave enough to be himself?
Dad hair for a dad. Good call.
Crazy movie gets crazy hair. Truth in advertising.
Lord of War
Realitic bad hair for a maybe realistic good film.
The Wicker Man
Fuck this noise.
What is this? This haircut is for an 8-year-old.
The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
If you’re going to go for it, GO FOR IT!
Season of the Witch
Dad? Is that dad hair?
The Frozen Ground
Wait, is he playing an age appropriate role with age appropriate hair?
God will only want the follically gifted. The men and women brave enough to do whatever they want, whenever they want, even if it defies logic and ultimately harms a film. God wants the men and women who do not give a fuck. Cage is in.