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So first of all, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! And second of all, THIS IS REALLY CONFUSING TO WRITE UP TODAY! I’m trying to factor in a lot of things including transportation, power outages AND cancellations, so please forgive me if something in here ends up being less than 100% accurate. Because I don’t know who among you has power and/or is stranded someplace, I will provide a #FRANKENTRAPPED alternative list in a choose-your-own-adventure style; if you DO have power and you ARE free to move about the metropolis, then start reading. If you’re NOT, though, then skip down to Part II A, OR if you’re just feeling antisocial, then skip down to Part II B. EVERYONE (possibly) WINS! Now let’s welcome special guest INSPIRATIONAL ALEXA-CHUNG-BEING-MAD-AT-WEATHER TWEETS to guide us through whatever the eff is going on tonight!

Part I

  • Let’s start out with some food, because everyone knows we are just SO SICK of nonperishable food items! Fortunately Chipotle is running a deal today called BOORITO (!!!) where if you wear a Halloween costume to the restaurant you’ll be able to purchase a burrito, taco, salad or burrito bowl for just $2. Worried about getting to one? The promotion kicks off at 4pm and lasts until closing time, so you’ll have PLENTY of time to walk to the one nearest you! Need costume inspiration? I vote you look to all the storm survival items you may or may not have needed. (Examples: sexy soup can, sexy batteries, sexy water, etc.)
  • But $2 or not, everybody knows Chipotle will make you fat, and on top of sustaining a diet of Doritos, Halloween candy and alcohol since Sunday, you’re going to need some exercise. Let’s head to 300 Church Street for Down Below at Bottoms Up, which, according to the Facebook page, is still going to happen tonight. We can dance off all the calories and hang out with Alexa Chung fo’ FREE! PS, have you been inspired by all of her tweets so far?!

  • Although, are you already wistful for the simpler times afforded by an impending natural disaster? Well, step back into the Jazz Age at Flute Bar & Lounge for A Speakeasy Hallowe’en; go for for the $5 cocktails, stay for the jazz music and olden times or whatever!
  • You can also take it to the next level at this The [Undead] Roaring Twenties party, where I assume you’ll be hanging around with zombie flappers and drinking absinthe or something like that.
  • If that doesn’t sound fun enough for you, though, then maybe head to FUN-O-WEEN, which is, I assume, like Halloween only FUN! They claim they will be blending up “horror, humor and happy,” (I wonder what kind of blender they use? A Magic Bullet?) and will be serving cocktails and snacks while you participate in KARAOKE, aka the most fun ever or something.

  • “Forget FUN, Megan. I want to accomplish some serious stuff tonight.” TRUE. So let’s go do something more productive, aka try to win this costume contest to knock $100 off our rent this month! If we lose, we can still get our faces glitter-painted, which is just the greatest!
  • But that’s CHUMP CHANGE compared to what we COULD win at this costume contest, whose top prize is a mixture of cash and other stuff amounting to $500. It’s free entry before 10pm, AND includes an hour-long open bar featuring unlimited beer, wine and house vodka. So even if you just go for the booze, it’s probably well worth it.
  • But do you want to know what’s ten times better than $500? $5000! Granted, you’ll have to shell out $40 for a chance at victory, but if you don’t mind the risk, then suit up and head to Webster Hell tonight, which, despite being the parade after-party, is still apparently on schedule.

  • If werewolves are your jam, though, then probably head to Union Hall for Dionne Werewolf and Hall-Oween and Oates tonight; it’s basically a cover band type situation, only everyone is dressed as werewolves. $8, kind of awesome.
  • Did the idea of someone dressed as a werewolf singing Dionne Warwick make you LOL? Well not as much as HaLOLween will make you LOL, probably; for just $5 you can go LOL your face right off thanks to a plethora of standup comedians. LOL LOL LOL.
  • No one cares about LOLs if there’s a free drink at stake, though, so get over to Brooklyn Winery in Williamsburg dressed as a dead politician and get yourself some BOOZE for all of zero dollars.

PART II A

  • So thanks to Sandy you’re #FRANKENTRAPPED in the dark ages, yeah? Well first, I’m not really sure how you’re reading this right now, but regardless, NOT TO FEAR, because here’s what you can do tonight thanks to your survival supplies! For instance, did you fill your bathtub halfway with water? Go bobbing for nonperishables! You won’t be wasting very much water, and you can just dry off aforementioned nonperishables for future use! SO MUCH FUN!
  • After you’re done bobbing, sit in a circle and use your flashlights or candles to pretend you are members of the Midnight Society! Elect someone to hum the Are You Afraid of the Dark theme song, and then commence telling terrifying stories. If you’re really clever, you’ll write some backwards stuff on the walls when no one is looking! #SPOOKYORWHATEVER
  • How about using your flashlights to do some silhouette portraits, though? (WHAT AN UNDERRATED PASTIME!) You can put some paper on the wall to outline the shadow of the subject’s head, OR, if you’re REALLY cool, you can just draw it directly on the wall in PERMANENT MARKER.

  • Everyone knows that reading books is boring, but not if you pretend the text is ALL WRITTEN LIKE THIS! JUST GATHER EVERYONE TOGETHER AND INTERNET-YELL ALOUD TO MAKE ANY BOOK THE BEST EVER! PREFERABLY LITTLE WOMEN OR SOMETHING!
  • You can also construct your own makeshift social media feed by cutting out large strips of paper, handwriting statuses and tweets, and putting them on a table or sticking them to the walls. You can @ the shit out of each other and it will be passive aggressive and great! (Example: @annoyingfriendwhoatealltherations I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ATE ALL THE RATIONS.)
  • Or if you really miss TV, you can draw your favorite scenes from shows and movies and tape them to the screen to pretend you’re watching it for real. I have done this before, and I chose the scene from that Lifetime movie Devil in the Flesh where Rose McGowan beats her grandma to death with a cane!

PART II B

  • OR, do you actually HAVE electricity and are just being antisocial tonight? Well then here is all the stuff you should watch on TV with your non-power-outage super strength! Starting at 7pm, you can watch back-to-back screenings of Hocus Pocus on ABC Family! Sure, you may have already watched it three hundred times this month, but IT IS THE GREATEST.
  • You’ll have to choose between than and The Lost Boys, though, which airs at the same time on VH1.
  • No one’s trying to NOT watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, though, so flip to regular ABC at 8pm.

  • For something a little more terrifying, change the channel to BBC for The Shining at 8pm.
  • There’s also a special on CNBC called How Much Is Your Dead Body Worth? that starts at 8pm. Personally I’d like to know about that sort of thing, so I’ll probably watch.
  • But HOLD THE PHONE because ZOMBIELAND is on at 8pm on good old FX.
  • And The Exorcist is also on at the same time n IFC. DECISIONS, DECISIONS.

If you didn’t find anything you liked then don’t BOOOOOOOO me off the stage; instead, leave your own suggestions in the comments and/or on Twitter @BYTNYC!

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