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I bet you guys are all really tired right now as a result of getting up at 6am to go see Pink perform live on the Today Show. I bet you’re also saying to yourself, “I’m crying here, what have you done? I thought it would be fun.” If you thought that it was going to be fun, then clearly you need some guidance on what to do tonight, aka possibly for the rest of your life. GOOD THING I’M AROUND! Don’t feel bad, though, because Dina Lohan also desperately needs guidance. As a result, we’re going to hang out with her today if that’s cool with everyone. (See also: even if it’s not cool with anyone, we are still going to hang out with Dina Lohan.) So let’s get started, shall we?

  • If you’re like me, you’re still feeling really inspired by the first half of the Art Basel drama on Gallery Girls. As a result, I’d like for us to head to Brooklyn Brainery, where we’ll channel our artistic instincts and learn the art of flipbook-making. “What is a flipbook, Megan?” Flipbooks are like the ancient version of animated GIFs, so it’s really important that we learn how to make them in case technology one day fails us.
  • If (also like me) you need some alcohol to get the creative juices flowing, then this drink and draw event is PERFECT for ALL OF US!
  • But then again, it WAS a rather taxing day at work, which makes me feel like maybe we should just go appreciate other people’s creativity instead. SO, let’s go watch some movies, yeah? First, let’s head to Greenwood Park for this free screening of The Big Lebowski.

  • NEXT, let’s go see ANOTHER free movie screening, only this time it’s Pulp Fiction at Brooklyn Winery. (QUENTIN TARANVINO!)
  • Unless of course we’re too hungry, in which case we should skip those last two things; unlike a cell phone, a stomach just cannot be silenced, which might disturb some of our fellow non-hungry movie-goers. We’ll remedy our little starvation problem by heading to the dell’anima Chef’s Counter Dinner, where we’ll be served a five-course meal complete with wine and cocktails!
  • What? Your weekly budget DOESN’T allow for $110-$190 meals? Weird! Well, I GUESS we could settle for a mere THREE-course meal at this Sixpoint Brewery Beer Pairing Night, which will only set us back $19.99.

  • WHAT?! You can’t even afford $19.99?! Well 1) you are indeed a proper pauper, and 2) I vote you go to Hoboken for this screening of Food Inc., partially because it’s free, but mostly because after watching it you will probably never want to eat ANYTHING ever again, which will save you lots of money. YOU’RE WELCOME!
  • Or, if your level of impoverishment isn’t QUITE so dire as to have to stop eating altogether, then maybe you could scrounge up $5? Then you will have to make the very difficult choice of how to spend that money; you can either buy this month’s Eggplant Parmesan $5 Footlong from Subway, OR you can go to THE MOON! No, no, not the REAL moon; for $5 that would be absurd. HOWEVER, you can go to a comedy show CALLED The Moon, which is hosted by Andrew WK tonight at Union Pool.

  • OR, if you just hate laughing, then go listen to some music instead;  you can check out Michael Kiwanuka for $25 at Webster Hall tonight.
  • “We’ve been OVER this, Megan, I am POOR.” Okay, okay, well why not see Band of Horses for free instead? OR, you can check out Here We Go Magic (also free), brought to you in part by Ralph Lauren for some reason! THANKS RALPH!

Did I miss something? Well don’t let it drive you to drink a la Lohan! Instead, just tell me in the comments, and/or tweet it to @BYTNYC!