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There are a lot of opportunities for learning tonight, so put on your brain cells and let’s get going, shall we? To help guide us through all of today’s options, I’ve elected Derek Zoolander, because 1) he is an idiot and we are (probably) not idiots, and 2) it is still Fashion Week and I am just NEVER LETTING GO!

  • First of all, no one can be expected to learn on an empty stomach, so we will first head to The Homestead where we will be given cheese, chocolate, meat and wine, aka all the critical food groups. PLUS we will pretend to be listening as someone tells us about how chocolate is made!
  • Next, because we feel like continuing to drink alcohol, we will go to this Heineken-sponsored event, where there will be free music, but more importantly, free beer! The tagline reads, “Sexy. Sleek. Fashion Weak.” I’m not really sure if that’s a typo or if they really meant to imply that fashion lacks strength, but so long as I’m not paying for drinks, they can pretty much say whatever they like and I’m not going to question it!

  • Provided we have retained any brain cells after all that free beer, we may or may not head to Brooklyn Brainery for a lesson on how to produce a runway show. Because we are all just one stitch away from being really great fashion designers, and this is the kind of information we are going to theoretically need in the future. We are also going to tell everyone there about how Heineken is against fashion, and we will all be angry TOGETHER!
  • To continue with the learning, we’re going to go to AbelCine to learn all about the SECRETS OF OPTICS, which is just a mysterious way of saying HOW TO UNDERSTAND CAMERA LENSES. And then we will storm the gates of End of Century and be all, “Hey Chantal, photography is NOT easy, stop telling Angela it’s easy.” And she will probably not care.

  • THEN we will go to the Brooklyn Observatory for the Obscura Society’s presentation of “Perverse Relics,” which is a lecture on how people in olden times were just as raunchy as people today!
  • But maybe you’re more interested in the science of winning an election, in which case you should head to powerHouse Arena for an evening with Sasha Issenberg, author of THE VICTORY LAB: The Secret Science of Winning Campaigns. And then maybe we will become the next president of the United States somehow!

  • “Whatever, Megan. I don’t want to be PRESIDENT, I just want to listen to some awesome music.” Fair enough; music is good for your brain, so I’ll allow it I guess. To start, although I WOULD suggest we head to the Bowery Ballroom for Lianne La Havas, GUESS WHAT? She didn’t save us a seat.

  • Or maybe we just feel like watching a movie, in which case we should probably go to Greenwood Park for a screening of The Usual Suspects.

Is your brain any larger yet? If you come up with any really smart ideas (like the ShamWow or Copa Di Vino) as a result of my guidance over your intellectual Tuesday, I expect a cut of your profits. I also imagine that as smart-ish individuals, you will utilize the comments section and/or Twitter (@bytnyc) to let me know if I’ve made any errors or forgotten to include something important.