Smothered burritos. A dangerous enough gambit at a respectable place, but at Taco Bell, you are putting yourself in very real and very immediate danger. We decided to save you from a night of potentially fiery regret by doing taste test of Taco Bell’s latest concoctions, the chicken, steak and beef smothered burritos. We, your proverbial poison testers, have returned with the best reviews our primitive palettes could muster. Take these reviews with a grain of salt. Better yet, avoid the salt. We’re almost sure the sodium levels in these bad boys are sky-high anyway.
Truthfully, they really aren’t that bad. Once you get past the whole 40% meat deal, its actually almost decent. The chicken ones are the best tasting, as the chicken is the only one that holds a similar consistency to the animal it’s meant to resemble. The steak comes in a safe second with the separate flavors (rice and beans, cheese, meat and mystery sauce) being a lot harder to discern between but still blending in a manageable manner. The beef? Balls to the walls worst. It is inexplicably soggy and dry at the same time. The “beef” breaks down as I assume chalk would, but instead of being outside on a sidewalk, it’s inside your face hole. The flavors then proceed to separate into four very terrifying elements. The beef burrito was the only one that made me actively aware I was eating Taco Bell. You never want to be actively aware of Taco Bell. That is rock bottom.
First of all don’t call something a smothered anything unless you are trying to kill it in a Lifetime movie. That being said, I am not very good at food-related things because I have a very unrefined palate. I genuinely enjoy places like TGIFriday’s and Friendly’s (ICE CREAM). Taco Bell is usually my go-to fast food place so I HAD to try their new Smothered Burrito. It comes in 3 “delicious” flavors: animal, another animal, and a third animal.
In the end, if it’s 4am and you’re blindly staggering home from a night of hard core partying, these foodstuffs could almost pass for real, live, almost-meat product. The beer shits and burrito runs will fuse together into a single regrettable, albeit awesome, blur anyway.