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Dear New York City: Aren’t you so glad it’s Monday? Me neither! But at least we have all of these great shows to look forward to this week. And you’re all, “What great shows?” and I’m all, “Hang on for two seconds and I will tell you.” So here I go, telling you:

First things first: let’s get the “SOLD OUT” situations out of the way so we can stop feeling depressed about not getting tickets. (Unless you DID manage to get tickets, in which case you probably don’t need to be reading this guide in the first place.)

Painful, right? But it only gets way better from this point on, so don’t fret!

First, let’s load up our handy dandy PLAYLIST and then take a look at this evening, for instance:

MONDAY

  • Because I know it’s your lifelong dream to go to Staten Island on a Monday evening, I am going to suggest this The xx / Chairlift show at Snug Harbor Cultural Center Music Hall! Watch out for ghosts, though, because Snug Harbor is mad haunted. (PS I’m not even making that up.)
  • I bet you were JUST thinking about how you wished you had a little more trombone in your life. Well, good news! The Mighty Mighty Bosstones are playing Webster Hall tonight, and your ears will be subsequently filled with so much third wave ska and sunshine!

TUESDAY

  • Talib Kweli is playing Brooklyn Bowl for $15, aka A STEAL. PS according to Wikipedia (which is where I went to college) Talib means “seeker”, while Kweli means “truth,” which I’ve decided collectively means that if you seek the truth, and/or a good time, you should go to this show.

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

  • If you’re poor like me, you’re in luck tonight! For all of zero dollars, you can see Joan Jett and the Blackhearts perform at Coney Island tonight. Do you hear me? FREE. Also, remember when Kristen Stewart played the role of Joan Jett that one time? See also: THE HAIR.
  • Wikipedia says the following about the B-52s: “Presenting themselves as a positive, enthusiastic, slightly oddball party band, the B-52s tell tall tales, glorify wild youth, and celebrate wild romance.” Which is pretty much exactly why you should go see them at Irving Plaza tonight.
  • Even if you left your wallet in El Segundo you can probably scrape up enough cash ($5 to be exact) to catch Q-Tip’s DJ Set at Brooklyn Bowl, so let the couch cushion coin digging begin.

FRIDAY

  • Do you know what happens when you mix Journey with Pat Benatar? Really good life advice, that’s what. (See also: Don’t stop believin’ that love is a battlefield.) Both acts perform at Jones Beach Theater tonight, and you should probably go (on and on and on and on.)
  • If you would prefer to dance your face off, you should probably go to Webster Hall for Buraka Som Sistema. However, please note that their dress code states, “Neat and trendy appearance a must,” so if you’re not into that, then I retract my previous statement in which I suggest that you should probably go to Webster Hall.

SATURDAY

  • There’s also this dance-move-inducing St. Lucia / Big Black Delta / Capital Cities show at Brooklyn Bowl; it’s priced at just $10, which means you can invest the dollars saved in more important things like alcohol or pizza.

Are you staring at the computer screen while fury bubbles up inside you because we forgot to include the most amazing show of all time? Well, 1) sorry! and 2) tell us everything we need to know in the comments! Also, don’t forget to follow us on Twitter @BYTNYC because we would like to talk to you in 140 characters or less ALL DAY LONG.

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