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Did everyone have a good weekend? Was it filled with you listening to lots of sounds with your ears because you possess the ability to hear? “Why yes, it was quite a lovely weekend, partially characterized by my keen sense of hearing, Megan!” Well that’s great, I’m really glad for you! And I’d like you to cherish those memories, because after this week (which is jam-packed with concerts) you will probably experience a significant amount of hearing loss! Fortunately (and/or unfortunately, depending on your outlook) that aural damage will not be the fault of the following musical acts, because they are SOLD OUT:

Thursday 9/27, Twin Shadow / Niki and the Dove MORE LIKE TWIN SAD-O. 🙁
Friday 9/28, Timeflies Time flies when you’re having fun instead of buying advance tickets!
Saturday 9/29 AND Sunday 9/30, Jack White And now we weep ourselves to sleep.
Saturday 9/29, Fink / Anya Skidan I FINK you’re going to have to reconfigure your plans.
Sunday 9/30, Frank Turner & The Sleeping Souls Frank Turner CRUSHING Souls.
Sunday 9/30, First Aid Kit Do they make bandages for sold-out-show-inflicted wounds?

I know, that was painful. BUT we have plenty of shows left this week that aren’t sold out (yet), so let’s find out how to ruin our hearing one musical note at a time!

MONDAY

  • What’s that? You PREFER the free events? Okay, well I vote you swing by Webster Hall for the Barback Games, where, aside from the deadliest barback competition of all time, you can catch FREE performances by The Death Set and Ninjasonik.

TUESDAY

  • You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, like the kind of sadness that comes from paying $50 to see Gotye at Radio City Music Hall tonight!
  • If you decide to continue your money-spending-sadness addiction, I suggest this David Byrne / St. Vincent show, where tickets will run you upwards of $50. (For the record, probably well-worth the small fortune.)

WEDNESDAY

  • Remember that time we talked about the sold out Niki and the Dove show on Thursday? Well TONIGHT you can catch them FREE at Other Music. Good things come to those who wait to buy tickets sometimes!
  • Or, for the slightly less free price of $12, you can seize your SECOND opportunity to catch Lavender Diamond this week at Mercury Lounge.

THURSDAY

  • Assuming the MLB Fan Cave is an actual cave, I vote we go spelunking for FREE at this Talib Kweli show.
  • But because we were traumatized by that movie The Descent and are permanently terrified of any/all cave-related things, we will skip Talib and instead head to this free Blonds show at Chelsea Market.
  • Please forgive me if I act a little strange, though, because David effing Gray is performing this evening.
  • Not into the sensation of lightning running through your veins? TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. Instead, just head to Brooklyn Bowl for this Gossip show.
  • OR you can catch Snoop Dogg (Snoop Lion?) at the Wellmont Theatre, which is obviously pretty critical to fulfilling your experience as a human being.

FRIDAY

  • Let’s start tonight off with some deals. For instance, you can go pay $5 to go watch Kitty Pryde not walk through solid objects!
  • Don’t have $5? You can also see Le Castle Vania at Pacha for FREE so long as you arrive before midnight.
  • What’s that? You just found a crumpled $5 in your pants pocket? HOW LUCKY! You can use it to enter this Har Mar Superstar show at the Knitting Factory!
  • You say you found $30 in your pants pocket?! That is SIX TIMES as lucky as the first scenario! Good on you! Take that found currency and check out Two Door Cinema Club at Rumsey Playfield!

SATURDAY

  • Nothing lets people know you’re ready to party better than lime-infused beer and the letter Z, so go drink a lot of Bud Light Lime while listening to Swizz Beatz FOR FREE at Beekman Beer Garden today!
  • Or if you’re really looking for a hike, head out to White Plains for this Lenny Kravitz show, which is FREE if you win tickets. It’s just like The Hunger Games minus the teenager death!
  • Trying to stay in Brooklyn? Hit up Glasslands for PopGun’s anniversary party, featuring all the 8-bit goodness we’ve come to expect from Anamanaguchi for FREE.
  • Last but not least, let’s take advantage of our THIRD opportunity to see Lavender Diamond this week for the low price of $10.

Can you still hear after ALL THAT MUSIC? If not, then I feel I’ve adequately done my job this week. If yes, then maybe I forgot to include something; please tell me all about it in the comments and/or on Twitter @BYTNYC.

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