D.C. has a brand new sports bar. I know that sounds boring. I know you don’t care. You’re probably hitting the back button now and that’s fine. I get it. But stick around a little longer, because Yard House isn’t just a sports bar. It’s also a proprietor of some of the finest stoner food you’ll find outside of a Taco Bell and it has a solid beer list to boot. Yard House isn’t just gunning for Sporty Spice, they’re going after the beer snobs and the D.C. weed fanatics all in one fell swoop.

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Because it’s a sports bar, there are TVs all over the two floor space, meaning no matter what obscure, rando sport you’re into, they’ll probably be able to accommodate you. There are also unusual paintings all over the place (and I mean that in a good way). That’s because you need something to zone out on when you’re two hours into an edible high. See? It’s all starting to make sense.

Yard House’s food menu and drink menu are large. So large, they’re easy to get lost in. Luckily, the food menu includes these very helpful “FEATURED” icons to let you know what the most popular items are. Unfortunately, their drink menu doesn’t have the same feature, but they do have tabs along the side to help you easily switch from the beer section, to the cocktail section to the wine section. All of which are helpful when you’re stoned and your eyes keep sliding off the menu like it’s been coated in a block of butter.

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We decided to stick to the “FEATURED” section when ordering, and we were mostly pleasantly surprised. The Nashville hot chicken was the best thing we ordered. It was no where near hot enough to meet Nashville’s standards, but the spice level they went with was perfect if you don’t want to spend most of your meal crying (aka every time I’ve eaten Nashville hot chicken). It comes topped with fried sage (which was weird, but not bad!), pickles, ranch dressing, a honey hot sauce and (most importantly) sweet potato pancakes. Drench those pancakes in the honey hot sauce (which is way more honey than hot) and go to town. I thought I was a chicken and waffles kind of girl, but Yard House showed me the light. The combination of the slightly spicy and salty chicken with the briny pickles and the sweet pancakes was pure culinary bliss. Wash it all down with a cold beer (their house honey blond is surprisingly solid) and you can’t possibly go wrong.

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While the hot chicken may have been the winner, we also loved the Vampire Taco. We 100% ordered it because of our love for My Chemical Romance and we were really hoping that the taco shell would be dyed black or red or something. We were wrong. According to Yard House a “vampire style” taco is a taco where cheese is melted on the outside of the tortilla until it forms a cheese crust. Eating it makes your hands very greasy, but I’m never going to say no to carnitas, bacon, avocado and cheese.

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I wanted to like the poke tacos and mac and cheese with as much vigor as I loved the hot chicken and the vampire taco, but the abundance of truffle oil / sauce on both of them made me nauseous more than anything. I love truffle oil. I love truffles. Why do people keep doing this to me?

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Thankfully, the dessert was so killer, it made us completely forget about our truffle woes. The mini dessert trio include a creme brûlée (with brûléed bananas on top), a peach apple cobbler (with ice cream) and a chocolate soufflé cake (also with ice cream). Out of the three, our favorite was the peach apple cobbler, but they were honestly all delicious.

If you’re looking to watch a game, enjoy a good brew in Chinatown or you’re just high out of your mind and the idea of fried chicken and pancakes sounds like a damn revelation, make your way to Yard House. They’ll take care of you. It’s also very family friendly, because what are kids if not very tiny, very high adults?

Yard House is located at 812 7th Street NW

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