Prove your humanity

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Hi! In this edition of Sad Girl Taste Test I am actually sad! (Which is sad!) I don’t really feel like getting into details, but basically it has made living my life v. difficult the last twelve days and I wish I could melt into the floor but I think this is impossible re: physics!

Being sad so close to a thing I love, aka ROYAL WEDDINGS (!!!) is weird and upsetting, but I am trying to power through and still enjoy tomorrow’s festivities in any and all of the ways. So I went to Dunkin Donuts this morning to acquire the Royal Wedding donut, which they have released again (they did it for Will and Kate, too) for some reason.

I went at 9am and a homeless man opened the door for me. I did not have change on me and I already felt sad, so this made me feel worse. When it was my turn to order, I asked for a half dozen of the special donuts. I don’t really know why I did that, except for that I felt like ordering just one was too sad. So I guess I pretended to have accomplices. (I did not have accomplices.)

I took the donuts home to try them. They are heart-shaped and have chocolate icing and white (vanilla?) drizzle. Inside there is jelly, raspberry I think, and if you bite the donuts too hard it will squirt out onto your hands, which is disturbing because it looks like blood. Maybe it is supposed to represent the blood of Christ or all of the people Britain killed during its heyday as like, conquistador of the planet.

I don’t like chocolate and fruit together, so I did not like this donut. But I ate three of them because I haven’t really eaten in a long time, because I repeat, I am sad. I am supposed to go on a date later and I am going to try to pretend not to be sad and will also try to figure out a subtle way to say “I NEED TO GO HOME TO SLEEP SO I CAN WATCH THE ROYAL WEDDING AT 4AM TOMORROW”. I still feel very full of donuts I don’t like and feelings I don’t like! This has been a Sad Girl Taste Test! Only get the Royal Wedding Donut if you like chocolate and fruit! I wish they had put Heinz beans instead of jelly! I wish I was not sad! Okay, see you next time!