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You’ve got your fallout shelter fully stocked, your emergency bug out bag is in your closet with enough money and disguises to get you out of a jam at a moment’s notice, but nothing could have prepared you for the catastrophic onslaught of these apocalyptic movies streaming now on Netflix.

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Krieger is always prepared with the essentials.

10. Dream Warrior (2003)

Netflix description: In a post-apocalyptic future, a despotic leader’s attempts to build a “pure” human culture are hampered by a handful of superpowered genetic mutants.

My description after watching the trailer: First off, this movie is SO bootleg that even the trailer has, like, the filming time counter at the bottom so there’s that. In discerning the plot, it looks like the oppressive government is concerned with creating a master race (which, historically, is not a great move) and they can only be stopped by one chosen man. One handsome leading chosen man.

9. Dark Portals: The Chronicles of Vidocq (2001)

Netflix description: When the assistant of a famous detective searches Paris’s underground for his missing mentor, it’s unclear whether he’s the hunter or the hunted.

My description after watching the trailer: Gerard Depardieu, of plane urination fame, plays an ugly Sherlock Holmes of the future who inhabits a steam punk-inspired land of Oz and solves a of murder mystery involving people spontaneously combusting and some kind of astronaut of evil.

8. Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption (2011)

Netflix description: During a zombie apocalypse, a small band of survivors must gather up what resources they can and launch an all-or-nothing rescue mission.

My description after watching the trailer: Wait. Hold the phone. This trailer is flawless. There’s a part where someone is apparently mouthing something to another actor, but I think the editors just forgot to add sound into that clip. That aside, this movie is a zombiepocalypse that you or I could have filmed given the time and money. And by time I mean roughly a week and a half and money I mean, like, a $50 7-11 gift card and access to mom’s car for the week.

7. AE: Apocalypse Earth (2013)

Netflix Description: In this post-apocalyptic sci-fi fantasy, a group of refugees from Earth lands on an exotic planet, where they must fight ruthless aliens to survive.

My description after watching the trailer: Aliens attack earth so humans invade space: take that reverse psychology, bitches! This new planet is Pandora but instead of its Avatars being blue these creatures are green camo print. Relish in the minimal special effects and a heartwarming interspecies love story subplot.

6. The Apocalypse Watch (1997)

Netflix description: A CIA analyst takes over a case from his brother, a field agent who was killed in the line of duty, in this thriller based on a Robert Ludlum novel.

My description after watching the trailer: This was a made for TV movie so you know it’s going to be good. Honestly after watching this trailer I can’t say I have any clues as to what this is about except that it’s another example of how, in the impending apocalypse, Nazis are going to come back into power. In this movie, however, the only thing that can stop them is the entirety of one man’s thoughts uploaded onto a VHS tape.

5. This is not a Movie (2011)

Netflix description: With only 25 hours left until the world ends, a disgruntled man locks himself in a Las Vegas hotel room and tries to prepare himself for oblivion.

My description after watching the trailer: He says that there’s an impending, world-ending disaster on the way, but it really just looks like a guy with a nasally voice who took too many drugs while alone in Vegas and is experiencing some seriously radical instances of tripping out thus making this one movie into about 8 mini movies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoTTghum-3E

 4. 20 Years After (1998)

Netflix Description: After a plague destroys civilized society, a pregnant woman prepares to give birth, knowing her newborn will be the first on the planet in 15 years.

My description after watching the trailer: An unclear catastrophe befalls earth and, even more inexplicably, a lone pregnant woman survives and must link up with an underground team of fellow survivors to birth her child. A single mom just trying to make it in the big city with a little help from some new and unlikely friends (including Freddy from House of Cards!). This hits you right in Lifetime Network sweet spot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2AOskniZ7s

3. Super Cyclone (2012)

Netflix description: The entire East Coast of the United States faces the prospect of annihilation with a gigantic supercyclone bearing down on it.

My description after watching the trailer: It’s weird that the Netflix description says “the entire East Coast” when the trailer talked about the cyclone hitting California leading me to believe that not even Netflix really watched this trailer/movie. That aside, this picture has all the wonderful CGI and effects of Sharknado and things exploding and falling from the sky that one could ask for.

2. World of the Dead: The Zombie Diaries 2 (Zombie Diaries 2) (2011)

Netflix description: The insatiable undead run amok in this horror flick that follows a band of humans who’ve survived a virus that’s turned everyone else into zombies.

My description after watching the trailer: It’s no secret that the zombiepocalypse is my second greatest fear in life. This movie looks genuinely scary and its like, if military trained soldiers can’t survive this, what shot do the rest of us average Joes have? Also, tell me that the woman on the cover shot of this movie doesn’t look like Charlize Theron? So points for that, I guess, as well.

1. Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

Netflix description: When a monstrous earthquake devastates the California coastline, groups of neo-Nazi punks take over in this Troma-tized futuristic romp.

My description after watching the trailer: It has the visual appeal of Mad Max or The Warriors but with more Nazis on surfboards. Apparently we’re just one massive earthquake away from the literal wave of neo-Nazi uprising in California.

surf-nazis-must-die-car-cult-movies-download

Now sally forth and watch these movies and soon you will have all the knowledge you need to survive the end of times in all of its fabulous, low budget forms.

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