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THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Holy bananas, you guys – this was THE BEST EPISODE SO FAR.

The short version: There are warlocks, PLUS Queenie and Madison are BACK! (From Coven, in case you’re like “WTF?”)

The long(er) version: We begin with a flashback to Michael Langdon’s teenage life, where the human (aka non-robot) Mead, an out and proud satanist, has apparently taken him in.

Pause for a minute to return to the present, aka the dystopian near future, where Langdon is hugging robot-Mead and realizing via gut feeling that the witches from Coven, who made their re-debut last episode, have infiltrated the premises and have raised Coco, Mallory and Dinah from their poison apple induced death slumber. And so he confronts the hell out of them, and Myrtle says, “I always thought the world would end with fire and ice, not witches and warlocks.”

Yes, I repeat, there are warlocks.

We continue our flashback situation to find out that Langdon wound up in jail after using telekinesis to murder a butcher. The dude called human-Mead a crazy bitch and refused to sell her a goat’s head since she planned to use it for a ritual, so Langdon used his mind magic to kill him with five knives to the bod. And obviously he gets locked up for the crime.

So it seems he’s fucked, right? Well, no, because there is a school for the aforementioned warlocks (dude witches, if you will) that’s been tipped off to homeboy’s extraordinary powers. They bust him out of the clink, and they take him back to the school to test his abilities. Semi-similarly to the witches’ seven wonders test in Coven, there is a test to find out if anyone can assume the role of Alpha, which is even more powerful than Supreme. The warlocks make it clear that they’ve been weaker than their witch sisters for like, forever, but Langdon seems like he can offer a flip-switch to the status quo.

There is, of course, one warlock who is hesitant to embrace Langdon’s abilities, and rightfully so – Langdon has (it appears) been feigning ignorance re: his own power this entire time, and while some of the warlocks believe he just needs to be shown the way, he is clearly beholden to the darkness. During one of the tests, he even almost kills all four warlock judges, which seems like an obvious red flag, but the warlocks are too smitten by his powers to pass him up.

They invite familiar faces from Coven (Cordelia, Myrtle and Zoe) for an emergency meeting, so they stop what they’re doing (aka teaching Mallory, who, at that time, is not really Mallory – she’s an ultra-powerful student who traces her lineage back to Salem, but I guess they had to put her in some sort of mind-controlled version of witness protection for reasons TBD) and make the trip over. Once they arrive at the underground school (which, by the way, used to be above ground until Cordelia did a book tour and blew up their spot, prompting people to torch the place, and the underground reboot later becomes the apocalypse bunker we have come to know and hate), they ask Cordelia to run the seven wonders test on Langdon, and she refuses to do it, citing her fear of putting Langdon’s life at risk.

Annoyed, the warlocks bring up the fact that she abandoned Queenie to serve out eternity as a prisoner of the Hotel Cortez (which you should remember from S5), a place run by ye olde devil that’s full of lost souls. Cordelia loses her shit and is like, “Hi, I fucking TRIED to get Queenie out of there, but we harness our power from the light, and it was pure darkness in there. I spent DAYS. I couldn’t help her.” She refuses to continue the conversation, and she and the other witches head for the door.

MEANWHILE, though, Langdon is in his room eavesdropping (via his mind powers) on the conversation, and he just goes ahead to the hotel (which is run by his dad, remember?) and retrieves Queenie no sweat. He also grabs Madison from her own personal hell, which is working the returns booth and folding towels at a depressing department store, and brings both of them back with him to the school’s above ground property. As he walks towards the school’s entrance, the witches are exiting. And just like that, BOOM! Worlds collide, but more importantly, we see that Langdon is going to cause hella problems for Cordelia (and everyone) with his power (again, derived directly from Daddy Satan more than natural ability).

I liked this episode because it felt really timely, what with men (WHO ARE ALREADY POWERFUL) feeling threatened by the dominance of women. Warlocks have apparently never been as powerful as witches in the AHS universe, BUT THEY CAN STILL USE MAGIC! AND IT IS STILL NOT ENOUGH FOR THEM! Anyway, maybe that’s going too deep with the parallel symbolism, but god am I ever sick of dudes right now.

Can’t wait to see how this all plays out next week, y’all! TUNE BACK IN FOR ANOTHER RECAP EVERY THURSDAY!

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