Hello! It’s me, an introvert! (I sometimes describe myself as an “ambivert” since I feel like it’s a spectrum, but if I had to choose between the two labels of “introvert” or “extrovert”, I’d definitely tip more into the former category than the latter.)
So far, quarantine has (apart from the crippling anxiety that comes from reading the news) been really manageable for me, even though I live by myself; I’m on Day Twelve, and while I do miss going for aimless walks and popping into bars for a beer and being able to swing by the grocery store to pick up spur the moment dinner ingredients, I don’t find myself going particularly insane re: feeling isolated from friends and family.
In fact, quite the opposite.
I’m going insane because I’m getting to be socially exhausted.
I have “been” to two birthday parties over zoom in the last week, and I will be “attending” another this weekend. Friends are organizing nightly happy hours. My mom wants to watch Jeopardy together in the evenings. My nieces want to watch movies together on the weekends and want me to guest star for their homeschool lessons on weekdays. My aunts have been calling to check in. My neighbors want to window gaze together and talk about what’s happening on the street below our apartments.
And at the risk of sounding like a heartless asshole, I’m getting really, really burnt out! It’s not because I don’t like my friends and family, it’s just that all of this quarantine connectedness is ironically way more social than I’m used to being. Basically, in a weird way, digital togetherness is kind fucking up my routine and sense of normalcy? Does that make sense?
I guess I could start inventing some imaginary Zoom double-bookings, or pretend to be napping, or trying to salvage some shelf-stable concoction from burning in the oven, but that makes me feel like a dick!
Am I a true psycho? Does anyone else feel this way? Please let me know. (And if I don’t reply, it’s not you, it’s the social exhaustion.)
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