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Tomorrow night, the Post-College Confusion Tour returns to Sixth & I downstairs, featuring some great talent from New York and D.C. A few of the featured comedians took some time to answer our absurd questions with even more absurd answers.

Write a haiku about your college experience.

A brisk cold morn ing breeze

wake up nak-ed in Best Buy

why is Dad here too?

Write a haiku about your post-college experience. 

Work-at Pink – Be-rry

co-mmun-i-ca-tions De -gree

cry to self in sleep

What do you wish you had actually learned in college?

I wished I had learned more creative ways to ask for money from my parents.

What’s the most useless college major?

The most useless college major? It’s a tie between screen writing and Zumba Instructing.

What is the least funny thing about college?

The least funny thing about college? Really anything that involves a fraternity and a web cam.

 

Write a haiku about your college experience.

I learned a lot

Mostly about french fry toppings

Four years of being fat

Write a haiku about your post-college experience. 

College students think they’re smart

In fact they’re giant babies

They barf just as much

What do you wish you had actually learned in college?

I wish I had learned to talk to college girls. I was terrible at it. Now I can do it, but I’m too old to make use of my skill.

What’s the most useless college major?

Tie between Communications and Business. At least English and Philosophy help you develop as a person and think critically about the world. Communications and Business are a way for people who only aspire to be heartless flacks to kill four years drinking themselves stupid.

What is the least funny thing about college?

The shockingly high sexual assault rate. Sorry, you asked.

Write a haiku about your college experience.

Eat Sleep Poop Repeat

Dogs and College Grads Alike

Dogs smell better too

Write a haiku about your post-college experience. 

Finance Confusion

Relationship Confusion

I day drink a lot

What do you wish you had actually learned in college?

There should be a class called “Adult Shit.” A class where they teach you about all of the stuff that you hear adults talk about and kind of brush off because “that’s adult shit.” 401k’s, health care, opening mail, setting alarms, cooking dinner and immediately washing the dishes, putting on a duvet cover, and how to get through an episode of The Big Bang Theory.

What’s the most useless college major?

Any major you can achieve online. I shouldn’t be able to get funny cat videos and a minor in foreign relations at the same place.

What is the least funny thing about college?

The attire. Everyone looks like they are dressed for a flight from Kansas to North Dakota; too many sweatsuits.

Write a haiku about your college experience.

The text you send him

no matter how hard you try

always seems crazy

Write a haiku about your post-college experience. 

I am an adult

It doesn’t mean that much

I still get blackout

What do you wish you had actually learned in college?

How to cook.

What’s the most useless college major?

Liberal Arts.

What is the least funny thing about college?

Herpes.

The Post-College Confusion Tour is tomorrow night at Sixth & I downstairs
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