D.C. pools are open everyday beginning Saturday. It’s almost time to go outside. Whether or not you enjoy things like water and being a never-nude near the water, we have you covered. From what to watch before you head out, what to listen to while you’re submerged, what to read when you’re drying out, what to do while you’re in the water, what to wear for all water-related activities and where to actually find water, we have you covered. There are also great indoor pools in D.C. if that’s more your thing! Jump in, the water’s fine! Or it’s not because some kid did something bad in the water. Before you jump in the water, make sure other people are in the water. Sometimes disgusting things happen in the water, just ask our old intern…

Pool Playlist by Marcus Dowling

Maybe you’re not swim suit ready. That’s OK. We asked BYT Film Editor Alan Zilberman for the five best films and/or television episodes related to pools. Watching actors swim is like swimming, right?

Pool Related Viewing To Get You In The Mood For The Pool

5) The Way Way Back

Remember when you were an awkward kid and your mom’s new boyfriend was more like a bully than a father figure? So do writer/directors Jim Rash and Nat Faxon! Their hero is awkward as hell, one who hates a summer in beach town exile, so it’s a good thing Sam Rockwell is there to serve as lifeguard his boss/mentor/guru.

4) Swimming Pool

A big part of any pool/beach experience is the envy of others. Nothing articulates your pathetically doughy, aged body quite like a sexy young co-ed who seems ambivalent about her sexuality. French auteur François Ozon cannily unearths that anxiety with this slow-burn thriller.

3) The Simpsons “Summer of 4 Ft. 2”

Longtime fans of the ubiquitous Fox cartoon argue over when, exactly, the show started to get bad. No matter whether you think it’s the eighth or ninth season, there’s no denying that 1996 was peak Simpsons, and this episode is one of their best. In it, Lisa gets popular with the beach townies, which makes Bart jealous. Sibling rivalries are a feature of the summer; without school to serve as a barometer of social status, summer affords fresh opportunities to go up or down in esteem.

2) OSS 117: Lost in Rio

The summer beach movie was a minor cultural phenomenon in the 1960s, and this French spy parody captures the mood perfectly. It also gets bonus points for casual anti-antisemitism, hippies canoodling by a beach-side fire, and Lucha libre Nazis.

1) The Sandlot

This is the peak summer pool movie. Having been both a pool rat and a lifeguard, I genuinely understand the delicate dance between these warring factions. Adult swim was my kryptonite, for a while anyway, until I realized it’s actually a formidable weapon. This might be the perfect summer metaphor for what adolescence means.

If you were doing squats while viewing you should be water ready. It’s important to know what to do in the water. You should swim laps in the water. BYT’s biggest swimmer (at least in the office) is Svetlana. Here are Svetlana’s tips for doing laps.

7 Very Important Rules For Lap Swimming

1. Don’t swallow the water
2. Be cognizant of what’s going on around you (much like you would on the street). This includes but is not necessarily limited to knowing these facts:
   -the shallower end lane is for slow swimmers
   -if there are two people in the lane – you can divvy up the lane in half
   -if there are more than two people in the lane, you can all circle swim and do so counterclockwise
   -if you are approaching someone and want to pass them, tapping them on the foot is acceptable. Grabbing their ass, splashing them, crowding them without warning etc- NOT ACCEPTABLE.
   -don’t dive into lanes with other swimmers in them – sure your dive form is beautiful but you’re also a dick and you’re scaring people who are under water and have no clue what’s happening.
3. Don’t swallow the water
4. No dillydallying – it is OK if you are slow, it is OK if you are old, everything is OK – but if you are in a lap lane, YOU HAVE TO KEEP MOVING. Commit to the lane.
5. Don’t swallow the water
6. Don’t pee or poop or throw Babe Ruth candy bars in the water either. This is not Caddyshack. We all wish it was, but sadly, it isn’t.
7. Seriously, don’t swallow the water.

Though the point of going to the pool is to get in the water, the point of going to the pool isn’t really about the water. It doesn’t actually matter if you enter the place with the water. What matters is what you read while lying down on a towel near the pool. Here are five summer book picks.

Poolside Reading

Nuking The Moon by Vince Houghton

I prefer non-fiction in short bursts for pool reading. The brand new book from International Spy Museum Historian Vince Houghton is a perfect book for the pool. Full of difficult to believe true tales of ideas that never should have progressed into almost reality, it’s full of stuff like, well, nuking the moon.

I’ve read this book at multiple pools. I’ve gotten odd looks from multiple people at multiple pools. For some reason people look at you funny when you read a book titled Nuking The Moon in big, all caps letters. Oh well. Odd looks are fine for the pool. -Brandon Wetherbee

Dying of Whiteness by Jonathon M. Metzl

Thanks to the Streisand Effect, you may have already heard of “Death by Whiteness.” At recent author event at Politics & Prose, a group of white supremacist interrupted author Jonathan M. Metzl. Their outburst had the hilarious, unintentional effect of adding to his thesis: that racial animus among white populations has negative effects on their overall health. Metzl’s ideas are not revolutionary, as anyone who pays attention to politics nowadays can see how impoverished whites vote against their self-interest. Still, he synthesizes information in a fascinating way, to the point where you start see things the way he does, and realize that whites are not only voting against their self-interest. They’re their own worst enemy. -Alan Zilberman

Less by Andrew Sean Greer

Finally get around to the pool book of 2017 for all your friends that keep up with modern fiction and the pool book of 2018 that all your friends that get books from the library and make Less your pool book of 2019. Essentially a series of vignettes throughout locations around the world you’ll want to visit, the book on aging and love and travel reads like it was meant to be consumed near water. Also, it won a Pulitzer. -Brandon Wetherbee

Dead Girls: Essays on Surviving an American Obsession by Alice Bolin

We produce a true crime festival, of course we’re going to recommend a book related to true crime. If you’re wondering why dark stories are currently in the light, Bolin’s 2018 book provides a few theories. -Brandon Wetherbee

The Stench of Honolulu: A Tropical Adventure by Jack Handey

Crisping in the sun and need a good laugh? Jack Handey, the comedic mastermind behind SNL’s “Deep Thoughts,” has a novel. An insane and ironic adventure story, our protagonist is an imbecile who nicknamed himself Slurps. Slurps owes some money to all the wrong people, so he decides to accompany his friend Don, the less ridiculous character, to the “dirty coastal backwater called Honolulu.”

It’s a very quick read and one that will make you wonder if Honolulu’s coral reef “is actually thousands of old fish heads…” Or if that’s the only reason the fictional third world Hawaiian island has an odor worthy of nose plugs?

A poolside romp for anybody that enjoys reading humor, or seeing through the perspective of an oblivious and somewhat loveable buffoon. -Jamie Benedi

One must at least attempt to wear swimwear near people swimming. Assistant editor Kaylee Dugan has strong opinions on what you should be wearing poolside this summer. 

ALSO please please please remember to cover up. Maaji makes great cover-ups. Wear sunscreen. Do it. 

Wrap your bod in these swimsuits!

CHROMAT Mikito Top + Bottom – $255

While more expensive than your average bathing suit, CHROMAT makes the suits of my dreams. Their style leans sporty and high tech, like you’re a robot from the future (who also loves going to the beach). They’re also pretty inclusive when it comes to sizing, which is exciting! My favorite piece is their Uniform top, which I will absolutely own one day and wear around like it is a regular top, but all of their suits are A++.

Out From Under Printed Tie-Front One-Piece Swimsuit – $69

Urban Outfitters has a large variety of swimsuits and they all dabble in what’s trendy now. This little number looks like it could be a Reformation body suit (the front tie! The midriff!) but also seems comfortable enough for a drunken trip to Jolly Rodger (in Ocean City, to be clear). Also, they have seven different styles. You’re bound to like one of them.

High Waisted Cheeky Bikini Two Piece – $15.99 to $19.99

If you want to look like Kim Kardashian (or any of the Kardashians) Amazon has a variety of cheap swimsuits at your disposal. This one comes in a plethora of colors and patterns, but this one brought a ridiculous smile to my face, so we’re going with it.

Versace Long Swim Trunks – $295

Live your best Miami life in these Versace trunks!

Ukele Swim Trunk $69.50

Live your best Jimmy Buffett life in these J.Crew swim trunks!

SILKWORLD Quick Dry Beach Shorts – $9.98 to $17.99

Live your best Nickelodeon life in these Amazon swim trunks!

D.C. POOL SCHEDULE

Anacostia

1800 Anacostia Drive SE, Washington D.C. 20020

• Tuesday – Friday: 10:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.
• Lap Swim: Tuesday – Friday, 8:00 a.m. – 10:00 a.m.

Banneker 

2500 Georgia Avenue NW, Washington D.C. 20001

• Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday: 10:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.
• Lap Swim: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, 8:00 a.m. – 10:00 a.m.
• There’s a concession stand!

Benning Park

5100 Southern Avenue SE, Washington D.C. 20019

• Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Douglass

1921 Frederick Douglass Ct. SE, Washington D.C. 20020

• Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

East Potomac

972 Ohio Drive, SW, Washington D.C. 20024

• *This facility is currently closed for renovations, according to the D.C. Department of Parks and Recreation.*

Ridge Road

830 Ridge Road SE, Washington D.C. 20019

• Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Fort Stanton

1800 Erie St SE, Washington D.C. 20020

• Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Francis

2435 N Street NW, Washington D.C. 20037

• Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday: 10:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.
• Lap Swim: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, 8 a.m. – 10 a.m.

Harry Thomas Sr. 

1743 Lincoln Road NE, Washington D.C. 20002

• Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday: 10:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.
• Lap swim: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, 8:00 a.m. – 10 a.m.

Jelleff Recreation Center

3265 S Street NW, Washington D.C. 20007

• Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Kelly Miller

4900 Brooks St NE, Washington D.C. 20019

• Tuesday – Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Langdon Park

2860 Mills Avenue NE, Washington D.C. 20018

• Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday: 10:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Oxon Run

501 Mississippi Avenue SE, Washington D.C. 20032

• Tuesday – Friday: 10:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 a.m.
• Lap swim: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, 8 a.m. – 10 a.m.

Randall

25 I Street SW, Washington D.C. 20024

• Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Rosedale

1701 Gales Street NE, Washington D.C. 20002

• Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 a.m.

Theodore Hagan 

3201 Fort Lincoln Drive NE, Washington D.C. 20018

• Tuesday – Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Upshur

4300 Arkansas Avenue NW, Washington D.C. 20011

• Tuesday – Friday: 10:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Volta Park

1555 34th St. NW, Washington D.C. 20007

• Tuesday – Friday: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

MONTGOMERY COUNTY POOL SCHEDULES

Rockville Swim and Fitness Center

355 Martins Lane, Rockville, MD 20850

• Saturday and Sundays: 12:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. (Recreation Pool) 9:00 a.m. – 9 p.m. (Fitness Pool)
• Monday-Friday  6:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m. (Fitness Pool Only)

Fees: $6 – $8

Bethesda Swimming Pool

Little Falls Parkway and Hillandale Road, Bethesda, MD 20815

• May 25 – June 14
  • Weekends and Memorial Day: 12 p.m. – 6 p.m.
• June 15 – August 16
  • Weekdays: 1:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
  • Weekends: 12:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
  • Closes at 6:00 p.m. on July 4th
• August 17 – September2
  • Weekdays: 1:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
  • Weekends and Labor Day: 12:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Fees: $5 – $15

Wheaton – Glenmont Outdoor Pool

12621 Dalewood Dr., Silver Spring, MD 20906

• May 25 – June 14
  • Weekends and Memorial Day: 12:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m.
• June 15 – August 16
  • Weekdays: 1:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
  • Weekends: 12:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
  • Closes at 6:00 p.m. on July 4th
• August 17 – September 2
  • Weekdays: 1:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
  • Weekends and Labor Day: 12:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Fees: $5 – $15

Long Branch Swimming Pool

8700 Piney Branch Rd, Silver Spring MD, 20901

• • May 25 -June14
    • Weekends 12:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m.
  • June 15 – August 16
    • Weekdays: 1:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
    • Weekends: 12:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
    • Closes at 6:00 p.m. on July 4th
  • August 17 – August 19
    • Weekends: 12 p.m. – 6 p.m.

Fees: $5 – $15

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY POOL SCHEDULES

Ellen E. Linson Splash Park

5211 Paint Branch Parkway, College Park, MD 20740

• Monday – Friday: 12:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m.
• Weekends: 12:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• Closes at 4:00 p.m. on July 4

Fees: $5 – $8

Hamilton Splash Park

3901 Hamilton Street Hyattsville, MD 20781 Hours:

• Monday, Wednesday: 12 p.m. – 6 p.m.
• Tuesday, Thursday: 12 p.m. – 8 p.m.
• Friday, Saturday, Sunday: 12 p.m. – 7 p.m.
• August 17 – August 25
  • Monday, Wednesday, Friday: 10 a.m. – 5 p.m.
  • Weekends: 12 p.m. – 7 p.m.
• August 26 – September 2
  • Monday, Wednesday, Friday: 12 p.m. – 5 p.m.
  • Weekends: 12 p.m. – 7 p.m.

Fees: $5 – $8

J. Franklyn Bourne Memorial Pool

6500 Calmos Street, Seat Pleasant, MD 20743

• • Monday, Wednesday: 10 a.m. – 5 p.m.
  • Tuesday, Thursday: 10 a.m. – 8 p.m.
  • Friday: 10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
  • Saturdays: 12 p.m. – 5 p.m.
  • Sundays: 12 p.m. – 4 p.m.
  • August 17 – September 2
    • Monday – Saturday: 12 p.m. – 5 p.m.
    • Sunday: 12 p.m. – 4 p.m.

Fees: $5 – $8

ARLINGTON COUNTY POOL SCHEDULES

Ocean Dunes

6060 Wilson Blvd, Arlington, VA 22205

• May 25 – 27
  • 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• May 28 – June 18
  • Friday: 3:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
  • Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• June 19
  • 1:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• June 20 – September 2
  • Weekdays and weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• July 4
  • 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Fees: $5.25 – $8.75

ALEXANDRIA POOL SCHEDULES

Great Waves Waterpark

4001 Eisenhower Avenue, Alexandria, VA 22304

• May 25 – May 27
  • 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• May 28 – June 17
  • Friday: 3:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
  • Weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• June 18 – June 19
  • 1:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• June 20 – September 2
  • Weekdays and weekends: 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.
• July 4th
  • 11:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Fees: $9 – $16.50

Old Town

1609 Cameron St., Alexandria, VA 22314

• • May 25 – September 8
    • Weekends: 12:00 p.m. – 6:45 p.m.
  • May 28 – June 18
    • Weekdays: 4:30 p.m. – 7:45 p.m.
  • June 19 – August 16
    • Weekdays: 12:00 p.m. – 7:45 p.m.
    • Passholders only from June 24 – July 31: 6:00 a.m. – 7:30 a.m.
  • August 19 – August 30
    • Weekdays: 4:30 p.m. – 7:45 p.m.
  • September 3 – September 6
    • Tuesday – Friday: 6:00 a.m. – 7:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. – 7:45 p.m.
  • May 27, July 4, September 2
    • 10 a.m. – 5:45 p.m.

Fees: $2 – $5

Warwick

3301 Landover St., Alexandria, VA 22305

• May 25 – September1
  • Saturdays & Sundays, 11:00 a.m. – 6:45 p.m.
• May 28 – June 18
  • Weekdays: 4:30 p.m. – 7:45 p.m.
• June 19 – August 16
  • Weekdays: 12:00 p.m. – 7:45 p.m.
• August 19 – August 30
  • Weekdays: 4:30 p.m. – 7:45 p.m.
• May 27, July 4, September 2
  • 10 a.m. – 5:45 p.m.

How an intern got hired and stopped BYT from doing pool parties ever again by Brandon Weight

To all incoming D.C. interns: suffer a 500 cc blood loss, an eight gin and-tonic and two Coronarita™ induced stupor, and lung problems from smoking half a pack of Camel™ menthols in a pool before the lifeguard says anything, all in front of your company’s founders, you will get a job. And they will never throw a pool party again.

During preemptive job interview, I proceeded after four drinks to exit the pool with an average dick length scar. After eight drinks, I got caught ashing in the deep end complaining about America’s lack of freedom on the Fourth of July. After nine drinks, I uptalked a fellow intern to brunch and/or drinks? Worst of all, after ten drinks, I added a tilt-shift blur to an Instagram.

Now I have a girlfriend and a salaried position.

Go full H.A.G.S. like your high school yearbooks still demand. Hit up a happy hour before you drop by any of these pools. Avoid the diving boards, food, and your dignity. Bring your résumé, laminated if possible.