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The Oscars are awesome, primarily because (like a more glamorous and less boring version of a sporting event) they give us an excuse to drink and eat A TON with friends on a school night. So what will you be making and/or purchasing from the store to PRETEND you made? You COULD go for the standby of chips and dip, but that would be super lame, and no one would appreciate you. (In fact, if this was Survivor, people would probably vote you off the Oscar-watching island.) “But what else can I do, Megan? I am all out of ideas.” Well, fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) for you, I have decided to mash up some foods with the names of Oscar-nominated films and/or actors, and so if you are seeking inspiration, this is most definitely it.

First, I would suggest you bring a fruit salad to the party, largely because it’s really easy to make. If people ask you about the meaning of said fruit salad at your Oscar-watching party, roll your eyes at them and say, “Pffffffft. CLEARLY you didn’t see ANY of the nominated films this year, because THIS fruit salad involves THREE of them.” And it will be true, because:




But let’s not forget the meat and cheese plate, which will be comprised of the following:



Maybe you are like, on a macrobiotic diet or something, though, in which case you’re ALSO in luck, because the Best Actor category’s got you hella covered. Observe:




And while they’re not super macro, they ARE super healthy AND delicious. What am I talking about? BEETS, Y’ALL (shout-out Katie Northy on that one):


If you’re going, “EWW HEALTHY. EWW, EWW,” then I’m going, “FINE, OKAY.” Here are some slightly less healthy, slightly more sugary (and SOMETIMES more alcohol-filled) options:


So there you have it! Happy Oscars 2013, and remember: IT CAN STILL BE A DATE IF YOU BRING RAISIN BRAN. (Don’t bring Raisin Bran.)