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I’ve always wanted twins so I could dress them alike and create children with no real identity. Also I read the Sweet Valley High books as a kid and thought Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield WERE THE BEST.

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There is a lot of Hollywood twin action that most of us aren’t aware of, but two of my faves have got to be The Brothers London. Jeremy and Jason London, who from this point on will be referred to as London unless otherwise stated by me, were quite the hot commodity at some point. But twice the fame equals twice the fall sometimes.

London was born on November 7, 1972 (CHRIST THEY’RE 41 THIS YEAR) to so and so a waitress and some guy a sheet metal worker.  London’s acting career began at the age of 19 in various TV movies and series. That’s where the similarities ended.

London 1 snagged the sweet sweet role of Randall “Pink” Floyd in the party at the Moontower hit: Dazed and Confused. He spent most of the film locked in a man vs. man/man vs. himself conflict with his desire to play football/follow the rules and his desire to DO DRUGS, ALL THE DRUGS ALSO DRUGS. Eventually his need for the speed (okay weed) won out and he told his football coach to eat shit, basically. Of course the real star of this film was Matthew McConaughey and everyone’s favorite line…

If this movie took place today Matthew McConaughey would have to say: I get older and they keep Tweeting the same bullshit.

About this time London 2 was still trapped on the same bullshit movie hamster wheel until Kevin Smith plucked him out of near-obscurity and put him into his film Mallrats. Though London has only shared the screen once they have now six degrees of separation’d with Ben Affleck who was in Dazed and Confused and Mallrats.  He was a dbag in both and he was glorious. In this film London 2 suffered from growing pains similar to that of his brother in Dazed and Confused except in Mallrats it was all about the girl. The girl in question was Claire Forlani who in my opinion has ONE claim to fame.  She starred in Meet Joe Black with Brad Pitt who TO THIS DAY has one of the most epic hit-by-a-car scenes in a film, except he was hit by TWO cars. It’s like an M. Night Shaknfa;hf;aafam movie over here.

How many times did you just watch that clip??? It never gets old. Full disclosure, I cried at the end of this film but whatever. I could watch that death scene forever.

If I told you these 2 films were the last time either of them did anything of real note, would you be surprised? Because I enjoy watching decidedly horrible films I’ve seen some of their work. In fact I met one of them at a horror movie convention last summer. It went a little something like this:

Me (en route to the bar): Excuse me (to The London)

The London: Hey, can I buy you a drink?

Me: NOT NOW LONDON (puts hand in his face, proceeds to makeout with someone who was in the 1990 version of Night of the Living Dead)

In about a week and change I’m going up to New Jersey for this same convention where London 2 will be present and not really accounted for. Reunion? Maybe. I have no idea which one I “met” the first time.

One fascinating personal story happened with London 2. In June of 2010 he claims he was kidnapped while changing a tire in Palm Springs, CA and was consequently driven around BY GUNPOINT and forced to do drugs. Yes, if I were to kidnap someone I wouldn’t ask for money or steal his/her money, instead I would spend MY OWN money so we could both get high. Allegedly this actually happened but I have my suspicions. I mean, it’s an awful waste of gas/time.

So…they both appear to still be in the game, somehow, even if they are only level D players. Wouldn’t it be great to see them both return to their former Dazed and Confused/Mallrats glory? Or maybe I’ll just settle for a drink this time. Maybe.

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