Oh hey wow it’s another weekend here in beautifully humid NYC! I had a very stressful dream last night that I gave up my apartment with the intention of moving elsewhere with friends who ultimately bailed, and when I tried to get my life back my landlord said “YOU’RE TOO LATE, YOU FOOL!” And I felt v. sad. (Note to self: never make plans! And never make friends!) Subconscious trauma aside, it is about to be several days of party time for me and you! Personally I’ll be watching the World Cup and Wimbledon all weekend long again (it worked well for me last time), but if you’re into leaving your couch, you have plenty of good dance parties to choose from, an immersive screening of Wayne’s World for Garthapalooza (our GIF theme) and MORE, so get ready to hear all about that. BUT FIRST, here’s some stuff you might’ve missed on BYT this week:

Remember how like two seconds ago I told you that our GIF theme was Wayne’s World because Garthapalooza? Well here’s a chat I had w/ BBQ Films about ALL OF THAT!
Our DC office taste-tested all of the low-calorie ice creams so that YOU DON’T HAVE TO! (Seriously, a lot of them tasted like lightly-flavored chalk.)
One of my colleagues went to see a Taylor Swift concert and it made her feel v. old, despite (or maybe because of?) eating a weed gummy in the parking lot, where she paid $100 to stash her car. But she still loves Taylor Swift, don’t get it twisted!
I told you abut the best band merch that’ll be in town this month, like a seasonally inappropriate Lauren Sanderson beanie that says “TRUST THE UNIVERSE MOTHERFUCKER” because TRUST THE UNIVERSE MOTHERFUCKER!
And the World Cup continues to spin on and on! (Spoiler alert: it’s gonna be Croatia v. France in the F-I-N-A-L this weekend, but here’s some useful info about everything that led up to their battles against England and Belgium so you can sound knowledgeable about soccer or whatever!)

THURSDAY, JULY 12

My top pick for tonight goes to Union Hall, where Pop Show is happening! Comedians performing pop songs? YAS PLZ. Tickets are $10 each.
Up for late night comedy? Get to UCB East for Taste Flavor with Aparna Nancherla, Tallie Medel and more! Tickets are just $7!
Tunes-wise, you can catch Early Riser at Garthapalooza tomorrow, but get a jump start and see ’em play Alphaville tonight for $10!
But maybe you’re just itching to set sail on the high seas to get your musical kicks, in which case hop aboard another Rocks Off cruise ft. The So So Glos tonight! Tickets are $30 a pop.

Or if you want to marry your love o’ discussion and your love o’ tunes, get to Strand Books for a chat with Dirty Projectors’ David Longstreth re: the band’s brand new record! You can grab a signed copy of the record for $20 or a $15 Strand gift card to get into the talk.
HOWEVER, you can get your tunes fix over at LPR, where Kishi Bashi will be setting up shop for $25!
AND Los Walters, Balun and STEFA will be playing a gig at Rough Trade for $15!
Just wanna learn about miso? (WHO DOESN’T?!) Hit up MOFAD for a dedicated talk tonight! Tickets are $20.
Or if you have all of $0, catch a free outdoor screening of Desperately Seeking Susan at Brooklyn Bridge Park!

FRIDAY, JULY 13

You should know by now what I’m gonna tell you to do first, and that is GARTHAPALOOZA at Music Hall of Williamsburg! All of the immersive Wayne’s World action ft. very special guest Calico Cooper, drink specials, female-fronted band performances, photo ops in Wayne’s basement and more! Tickets start at $37.
And while we’re talking about movies, there’s a free outdoor screening of Desperately Seeking Susan at Governors Island tonight! (So much DSS this weekend!)
But maybe you want to catch you some UV rays, in which case swing on by Elsewhere for a DJ set from Little Boots that starts at 5pm on the roof! Tickets are $15-$20 each.
You can also hit up Baby’s All Right for a Mobley, Glassio and MIEARS gig! Tickets will run you just $10.

And in the same price range, my buddy Foster James will be playing a show at Bowery Electric for $8-$10!
OR if you happen to have $45 burning a hole in your pocket, head on over to Beacon Theatre for an Erasure show!
For comedy vibes, hit up Union Hall for a new round of Whiplash ft. Liza Treyger, Joel Kim Booster, Emmy Blotnick, Casey James Salengo and more! Tickets are $8-$10. (PLUS stick around for Steven [Castillo] vs Tommy [McNamara] versus Alien vs Predator! $7-$10.)
Or just go hang out with that god (God?) guy Joel Osteen at Barclays Center for $10-$15! (This actually sounds like it could be hilarious, and inexpensive enough that I’d make the gamble.)

SATURDAY, JULY 14

It’s adidas Originals’ Greatest Day Ever in the Bronx! Carnival rides, sets from RL Grimes, Majid Jordan, Young Thug and more! Tickets will set you back $80+.
But conserve your energy, ’cause Videology is the spot to be tonight! A $38 screening of Marie Antoinette ft. pastries ‘n champagne is happening at 9:15pm!
It’s also Tinder Live with Lane Moore at Littlefield! Featured lineup includes Mike Drucker, Seth Rogowsky and Emmy Blotnick, and tickets are $15 each! (Also stick around for America’s favorite queer dance party, Be Cute! Tickets are $5-$10 each.)
Tunes-wise, catch Tangina Stone and Liana Banks at Baby’s All Right for $15!
Or slap on some SPF and get to Riis Beach for a Jonathan Toubin DJ set in the Bathhouse! Free to attend, sponsored by Sixpoint, maybe implies free beer? Unclear, but my gut says yes.

Speaking of sandy vibes, you can hit up Jones Beach for a Foo Fighters show! Granted, tickets WILL run you upwards of $99, but who knows! Maybe you’ve recently come into some money! (Take me out to dinner, please!)
Back in ye olde concrete jungle, Vacationer will headline a gig at Bowery Ballroom for $18-$20!
Plus Dirty Projectors will be doing an early afternoon set ‘n signing at Rough Trade! All you need to do is grab a copy of their new LP from Rough Trade to gain entry.
And while we’re on the subject of early afternoon shows, Kimya Dawson is playing a special set for little kids at Sunnyvale! Considering she’s got sold out shows at nighttime all weekend, you might wanna take this opportunity to borrow your friend’s weird kid for a few hours and go! Tickets are $15 a pop.

SUNDAY, JULY 15

It’s the World Cup Final! Watch France duke it out against Croatia fo’ FREE over at Videology. (You can also stick around for a $25 Princess Bride coloring party, and/or a free round of The Office trivia!)
(Elsewhere is also screening it free w/ RSVP!)
Or if that is the opposite of your jam, maybe just swing by Nitehawk for a brunch screening of How Stella Got Her Groove Back!
You can also take a tarot course at Catland this afternoon for $20! #LEARNINGCOOLTHINGS
Tonight you’ve got a second shot at catching Erasure at Beacon Theatre! Tickets will run you a pretty penny, though // prepare to cough up $58+.
Meanwhile, if you love that one kid from Stranger Things, his band (Calpurnia) will play Irving Plaza for $25 tonight!

But I mean…OBVIOUSLY get to Jones Beach for the 20th Anniversary Tour of The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, are you kidding?! Tickets are $25+.
You should also definitely RSVP to the free Papi Juice BBQ that’s happening at Elsewhere!
Plus Jonathan Toubin will be back out at the Riis Beach Bathhouse for another free DJ set sponsored by Sixpoint! Go forth and frolic with my mortal enemy, the sunshine!
Or for comedy variety show vibes, get to Union Hall for Decolonize Your Mind w/ Karen Chee, Larry Owens, Mitra Jouhari and more! Tickets are $8-$10.
It’s ALSO the final Sasheer Zamata Party Time over at the Bell House! Tonight’s lineup is dope as hell (Liza Treyger, Wyatt Cenac, Emmy Blotnick and more), and tickets are $10.