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You guys, I feel genuinely pretty bummed out that it’s the weekend, because that means the Pyeongchang Olympics are about to come to a close. I LIVE FOR THE OLYMPICS, IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL. What will I live for now? The impending doom of springtime allergies and taxes? UGH.

Even if you aren’t following anything I just said, because you are lame and don’t understand the greatness that is the world coming together in the name of pure athleticism, I am about to speak your language, so CALM DOWN. There’s lots to do this weekend that doesn’t involve waking up at 6 to watch the final moments of the Olympics. Examples: a blog haus dance party, a hot cocktails festival, a mini record fair, the Chinatown Lunar New Year Parade, a kombucha course, a tutorial in how to put a hex on your ex and (my personal favorite, and our GIF theme) performances of Jordan Temple’s The Color Urkel, which is (in case you couldn’t work it out) a mash-up between The Color Purple and Family Matters. (I actually cannot.)

Before we tackle the details of all of that, here’s what you might’ve missed on BYT this week:

  • I ate Beyond Meat’s new plant-based sausage and thought it was p. good! (And then immediately bought actual meat products afterwards!)
  • I also went to the new Whole Foods 365 by BAM to see if it’s actually any good. (Spoiler alert: it’s not.)
  • We gave you our weekly guide to the best stuff you can stream right now, you know, in the event you are a monster and are sick of watching the Olympics every night. (We can never be friends, PS.)
  • We reviewed Black Panther and Early Man
  • …AND I told you about all the best band merch headed to a venue near you this month! (If anybody wants to buy me those Phoebe Bridgers shirts, I am not opposed!)
  • First, catch at least one (if not all, including Friday and Saturday) performance of Jordan Temple’s The Color Urkel (which sounds AMAZING, as I mentioned in the intro) at The Tank! Tickets are just $7 each.
  • Plus it’s Kevin Geeks Out Goes Punk at Nitehawk! Tickets are $16 each, and I’d suggest grabbing some before they’re cleaned out!
  • You can also hang out w/ the Susie Magazine crew over at HERE from 5pm until 7pm, plus RSVP to an afterparty ft. pizza and billiards for even MORE face time!
  • Tunes-wise, you’ve got LOTS of options. Your best value (IMO) is a Pill show at MoMA ft. a bonus Lizzie Bougatsos (Gang Gang Dance) DJ set, xerographic art making, an open bar (!!!) and more for just $20!
  • Of course, you can also hit up Elsewhere for a $20 Rainer Maria gig…
  • …or Brooklyn Steel for a $30 STRFKR show…
  • …OR BK Bazaar for a $10 show from Lola Kirke, Breanna Barbara and more!
  • Plus while we’re on the subject of $10 shows, Union Pool’s got one in the form of Palo Palo!

  • More into Phoebe Bridgers and Soccer Mommy? Get to Music Hall of Williamsburg for a $15 show!
  • Meanwhile, Sophie Auster’s at Rockwood Music Hall for just $12!
  • If dance parties are more your jam, head to Black Neon at Ceremony224 for another round of dark synth-electroclash-80s-darkwave vibes! Free before 11pm, $3 cover after that.
  • For comedy, head to Jenny’s Birthday Variety Show at Union Hall! It’s hosted by Jenny Gorelick and Addie Weyrich, and guests include Sasheer Zamata, Sydnee Washington and MORE! Tickets are just $8 a pop.
  • You can also catch Demetri Martin’s late show at the Bell House! The first one sold out, so make sure to grab a $35 ticket before they’re all gone.
  • Just a queer man looking for love? (Or at least a decent hookup with a fellow intellectual?) You just might find it at Strand Bookstore, where it’s Literary Speed Dating: M4M tonight! Grab a $10 Strand gift card to attend. (Bonus free Sixpoint, too!)
  • Or for more queer vibes, head to YJC’s Queer Lunar New Year Party at China Chalet w/ hosts Discwoman + BUFU! Tickets are $10-$15 each.

  • And while it’s likely going to be insane, you should at least try your luck at getting on the list (and getting IN) to a free Zola Jesus show at House of Vans, especially because those events generally come with free booze and sometimes food.
  • More into d-d-d-d-dance parties? Be sure to RSVP to a FREE blog haus night at the Knitting Factory. (It is rare I leave my couch on Friday nights, but I would leave my house for this.)
  • AND House of Yes is hosting a roller disco party tonight! General admission is $10, or if you want to rent skates (I would imagine you do), tickets will run you a total of $20.
  • Comedy-wise, it’s a new Brown Titty Hour with Phoebe Robinson and Michelle Buteau at Union Hall! Tickets are 100% going to sell out, so grab ’em for $10-$12 while you still can!
  • But maybe you just want to zone out w/ a movie screening, in which case catch Raiders of the Lost Ark for $20 (ft. bonus whiskey shots) at Videology!

  • I feel like it’s supposed to be warm this weekend, but if you’re as big a fan of alcohol as I am, that won’t stop you from grabbing tickets to Hot Boozapalooza ft. all of the hot cocktails this afternoon! Tickets are $35 each, and include five hot cocktail tastings, two Jack Daniel’s specialty cocktail tastings AND something sweet to eat.
  • If you missed Tyler, the Creator at MSG last night, you’ve got a chance at redemption – tickets are still available for $44+, assuming you’ve got that kind of dough to throw around.
  • Maybe you just want to dance, though, in which case head to Baby’s All Right for Candi Pop – A Bubblegum Pop Dance Party! Tickets are $10 each.
  • If that’s too bubblegum for you, get to Elsewhere for Function w/ Headless Horseman, UMFANG and more! Tickets are $15-$25 each.

  • You can also head to Littlefield for Johnny Cash’s 86th Birthday Bash, aka a tribute to the 50th anniversary of ‘At Folsom Prison’! Tickets are $10.
  • For LOLs, most definitely get to Union Hall for It’s A Guy Thing! Tickets are $6-$8 each.
  • PLUS be sure to stick around for Yardsale Comedy Night afterwards w/ Ana Fabrega, Mitra Jouhari and more! Tickets to this are just $6-$8 a pop, too.
  • At the Bell House, meanwhile, it’s Comedy Outliers’ final show! Michelle Buteau, Noah Gardenswartz and more will be there, and tickets are $15-$20 each.
  • AND Regular Comedy is happening at Murmrr Ballroom – tonight’s lineup features Mike Lebowitz, Aparna Nancherla, Nikki Glaser and more, and tickets are $15.
  • In the realm of cinema, Videology is hosting a $12 midnight screening of Glitter as part of its Drinking Game series! ($5 beer and shot combos available during the showing, too!)
  • Or if you’re like “FUCK THAT, I’M A FILM GENIUS, MEGAN!” then probably make a beeline for the Film Forum, where it’s Ingmar Bergman madness! Catch everything from The Seventh Seal to Persona to Wild Strawberries today.

  • For starters, GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF BED AND WATCH THE OLYMPICS CLOSING CEREMONY LIVE AT 6AM! (Or be a loser and watch the NBC re-broadcast tonight.)
  • After that, most definitely get yourself to Chinatown by 1pm to check out the Lunar New Year Parade!
  • Meanwhile, if you find yourself lacking in the vinyl department, get to Brooklyn Flea’s Mini Record Fair today!
  • Or if you just want to live out your weird life dream of learning how to brew your own kombucha, head to Earth Arts Center for a $15-$20 sliding scale crash course!
  • Later, it’s another round of Hex Your Ex at Catland tonight! Go learn how to magically impart all of the misery on that fuck-o who did you wrong!
  • If tunes are more your scene, get to Warsaw for a $30 Dandy Warhols gig!