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Oh hey there, are you the most excited for THE WEEKEND? I know I am, so let’s not waste too much time with the small talk, yeah? Instead, let’s bust RIGHT INTO what you may have missed this week, and THEN we will move into Dazed-and-Confused-themed WEEKEND TERRITORY:

  • First, snag yourself some FREE TICKETS to a screening of Premature we’re hosting w/ IFC Midnight at Nitehawk next Wednesday!
  • And speaking of FREE TICKETS, you still have a little more time to enter to win a pair of passes to tomorrow night’s OSB at the AMNH! GOOD LUCK!
  • Meanwhile, if you’re wondering what the weekend ahead has in store for you, check out our soccer-themed Astrological Answers!
  • And while we’re on the subject of astrology, have you made a Dreamcliq dating profile yet? ‘Cause SUSAN MILLER THINKS YOU SHOULD!
  • Finally, if you’re planning on couch potatoing it all weekend, here’s the material you will need to watch.

AND NOW FOR SOME REAL GOOD STUFF:

THURSDAY

  • Today you should cram in some World Cup matches at (you guessed it) VIDEOLOGY, and then you should stick around for another edition of Telly Thursdays ft. ALL THE BRITISH TV.
  • But while we’re staring at screens, I’m going to have to recommend we get to Tribeca Cinemas this evening for a screening of Dazed and Confused; tickets are $15 and include an open vodka bar before the movie. (ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!)
  • Too pricey? Hit up Housing Works Bookstore with $8 in hand instead, where you’ll be able to catch tonight’s edition of The Moth: Storyslam! (Just be sure to have a story at the ready, ’cause you never know if you’ll be the lucky one to get picked.)
  • And HOLY GOD, Chouffe Fest sounds like the most magical event of all time IF you’re in the market for Belgian beers, free food AND SO MANY GNOMES! (Like, what do you even mean?!) Cough up ten bucks to get in on the action.
  • Less into gnomes and more into Joy Behar? (I meannnnnn, WHY WOULDN’T YOU BE?!) We should all hit up Le Poisson Rouge tonight for a special Yum’s the Word featuring (you guessed it) JOY EFFING BEHAR for $15 in advance, $20 at the door.

  • Musically we’re pretty super into Painted Palms AND Saint Pepsi, so if that sounds like a solid lineup to you, then you should grab tickets to catch ‘em at Glasslands tonight for ten dollars in advance and/or twelve dollars day of show.
  • HOWEVER, Prism House and Octo Octa will be playing just up the road at Cameo Gallery, so if you can scrounge together five bucks in advance GRAB TICKETS, or else they’ll double to ten dollars for day of show.
  • But what’s that?! You can catch The National with MSMR as part of Celebrate Brooklyn in Prospect Park?! SIGN US UP! Slash someone please lend us fifty bucks, because we definitely don’t have access to that kind of cash this week.
  • Okay just kidding, we DEFINITELY are too poor for that last thing, so let’s spend between ten and twelve dollars and get ourselves over to Baby’s All Right for a Maria Minerva show this evening instead.

FRIDAY

  • MOST IMPORTANTLY we would like you to join us over at the American Museum of Natural History tonight for this month’s OSB, which’ll feature the Martinez Brothers, Justin Strauss AND Stephen Silvestri, all under one starry-ass roof.
  • And even more soccer is being screened today at Videology, and if you feel like you want to stick around afterwards and shell out a mere five bucks, then I’d super recommend the ABC TGIF marathon that’ll be happening there.
  • But if that’s sounding a little meathead-y for your taste, then probably just hit up the first day of this weekend’s Bushwick Art Book and Zine Fair, which is happening over at Signal through Sunday and which will feature BBQ ‘n PBR.
  • And if THAT’S too CULTURAL for you, then dumb it down a little with some 90s nostalgia courtesy of Videology and TV Hangover! $5 will get you an evening filled with classic TGIF programming and IT WILL BE GOOD.

  • Not your jam? (WHO ARE YOU, EVEN?!) Probably save up your awake energy and head to a midnight screening of A Clockwork Orange, which is taking place at good old Sunshine Cinema this evening!
  • Music-wise, you’re DEFINITELY not going to want to miss the mega-danceable tunes of Lincoln Jesser,which will be available live for your listening pleasure over at Glasslands for between ten and twelve bucks a ticket.
  • And speaking of mega-danceable, Midnight Magic will be playing a gig right around the corner at Cameo Gallery; snag advance tickets for twelve bucks, or be prepared to shell out fifteen dollars on the day of the show.
  • Meanwhile in Manhattan, Kaiser Chiefs will be playing a gig with Streets of Laredo over at Webster Hall, so if you happen to have a spare thirty dollars lying around, then this might be your ultimate jam.

SATURDAY

  • First up, today is the mother effing MERMAID PARADE, which means we most definitely need to get ourselves to Coney Island in a timely fashion to watch all the ultra-weirdness unfold before our very eyes.
  • And if you just so happen to have a spare $65 lying around, you should DEFINITELY get tickets to hang w/ Thrillist for BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE! The day will be (as the event title indicates) THE BEST, and will feature food, booze, activities…ALL OF IT.
  • Let’s also be sure to get on over to Cameo Gallery in time to catch a show from Adios Ghost and a whole SLEW of others. Grab your tickets beforehand to ensure you only have to spend eight bucks, or else get ready to pay $10 (still reasonable) day of show.
  • And/or let’s focus our energy on getting over to Baby’s All Right instead, where they’ll be hosting Tiny Victories tonight alongside Canon Logic (hooray!) for just ten bucks per ticket this evening. NOT BAD!
  • Or how’s about we just go ahead and pay zero dollars to hit up Prospect Park for the mother effingDum Dum Girls alongside TEEN and Hospitality, yeah? (Ummmmmmmm like I even have to ask.)

  • AND/OR just hit up the good old Brooklyn Night Bazaar tonight, where The Coathangers will ALSO be putting on a free performance and it will be SO SO SO GOOD I TELLS YA!
  • Meanwhile, if you’re not too busy watching the Argentina vs Iran game today, you should probably head to Videology for a slew of new CONCRETE TV episodes; they’ll be screening all that weird goodness for all of zero dollars tonight.
  • Of course, we’ve also always got some solid movie options to fill up our day, so if you’re feeling non-sporty you should head to the Museum of the Moving Image for a screening of The Terminator and/or Videodrome.
  • BUT since it’s the mother effing fortieth anniversary for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (which ruined head cheese for me FOREVER), let’s all pop on over to Lincoln Center for a screening of the original, yeah?

SUNDAY

  • Tonight I vote you scrape together ten bucks in advance to grab tickets to see Nikki Lane over at Mercury Lounge OR ELSE they will increase to twelve bones day of show, and who wants to spend an extra two dollars if they don’t have to?
  • And you should probably just prepare yourself to watch the USA lose its World Cup match against Portugal; they’ll be screening that guy over at the Bell House this evening for free, so go and feel some sad companionship, yeah?
  • Because we’ll already be in a mood (as a result of the aforementioned inevitable loss by the United States to Portugal) we should just hit up Lincoln Center for a screening of Melancholia, which will obviously make us feel worse.
  • Of course, if that’s feeling a little pricey for you after a whole weekend of unnecessary spending, probably just head to Habana Outpost tonight for a free screening of everyone’s favorite COMING TO AMERICA!

  • AND we should most definitely swing by Le Poisson Rouge tonight for Silencio: A Tribute to the Works of David Lynch and Angelo Badalamenti! Tickets are twenty bucks in advance, twenty-five at the door, so get ’em now.
  • We can also hang out with Mara Wilson (yes, Matilda) over at Union Hall this evening for another edition of What Are You Afraid Of? Tickets are just seven bucks in advance, but they go up to ten day of show.
  • Too expensive? Scrounge up five bucks from the couch cushions instead, then, and get yourself to Shea Stadium for the Macaulay Culkin Show! (Tonight’s guest lineup includes the very funny Aparna Nancherla, which is THE BEST.)
  • And if THAT is still too much dough for you to handle, hit up the Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club to play free shuffleboard all day AND watch the World Cup. (There’ll be $4 Pacificos and $5 Caipirinhas if you happen to find some spare change in the meantime.)

WOW SO MUCH STUFF! If I’ve failed to mention anything near and dear to you, please feel free to internet-strangle me in the comments and/or on Twitter. BYE!

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