A password will be e-mailed to you.

Guys, it’s a big weekend; apart from the usual lineup of events, we’ve got a SHIT TON of art happening for The Armory Show, so take full advantage and get REAL CULTURED, yeah? (Or just live vicariously through Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation at the Museum of the Moving Image, your call.)

But first, SOME THINGS:

  • Planning to get mega-hammered this weekend? WELL, prepare to soak up the inevitable hangover for $8.50 at Chipotle; they’ll fix you up with a vegan-friendly Sofritas burrito, and IT WILL BE GOOD. (We know because we tried it.)
  • I also vote you find yourself a friend with a television set that gets OWN, ’cause this Sunday marks the premiere of Lindsay, Lindsay Lohan’s eponymous docu-series. YES.
  • Plus that new ABC show Resurrection is set to air Sunday night, but we vote you skip out on that and just watch The Returned, which is much better AND available as a complete season on Netflix right now.
  • While we’re on the topic of Netflix, WATCH ALL OF THESE THINGS.
  • And if you’d like answers to your most burning astrological questions, you’ll be glad to know that WE’VE GOT ‘EM in the form of Girls GIFs. (Aptly timed for Lena Dunham’s SNL appearance, no?)

And now for everything else…

THURSDAY

  • First up, we’ve got The Orwells playing the Bowery Ballroom tonight with Twin Peaks, so cough up fifteen dollars in advance for tickets (seventeen dollars day of show) and GET OVER THERE.
  • OR just zip on over the Williamsburg Bridge to Glasslands, ’cause French Horn Rebellion is in-house tonight to play a LIVE SET for the low price of ten bones.
  • Feelin’ Hall and Oates vibes, though? WELL, if you can get down with a Hall and Oates tribute band situation for ten dollars, then Brooklyn Bowl’s your spot tonight.
  • More in a creative mood? ETSY is hosting another craft night this evening, featuring the art of PINPRICK CARDS. Go forth and create ALL OF THE GREETING CARDS, yes?

  • Or if you’d rather a little edge in the form of tattoo talk, probably head to powerHouse Arena for a panel discussion ft. some of the top women tattoo artists in the industry!
  • AND we can always just d-d-d-d-dance at Le Poisson Rouge tonight, ’cause there’s another round of the House of Commons British dance party happening there.
  • But if you’re more into a queer and/or mega-inclusive scene, then hit up Select All at the Bell House; entry is just $5, and you can dance your face off and mingle from 7:30-11pm.
  • And/or if your brain’s not completely fried, head to the Brooklyn Historical Society for a $5 discussion on adaptive reuse in Brooklyn’s buildings, rooms and objects. #SMART

FRIDAY

  • If you just wanna DANCE, then most definitely hit up Glasslands tonight for a late show by Rogue Vogue; tickets are ten dollars in advance, fifteen day of show, so get ‘em QUICK.
  • Or MAYBE you really just want to listen to an eff ton of Michael Jackson tunes thanks to theMichael Jackson TRIBUTE BAND that’s playing Brooklyn Bowl tonight for $10…
  • But it’s preeeeeeetty much inevitable that we will head to the Bell House for the latest edition of Party Like It’s 1999, largely because it’s Buffy-themed, and we are NOT gonna miss that, you hear me?!
  • UNLESS we’re New Museum-bound for tonight’s Rocky Horror Opera Show, where we can break all the traditional rules of an operatic up-tight performance. YES.
  • Not into the opera scene? WELL, you could always just head to Union Hall tonight for an evening of competitive erotic fan fiction, because who wouldn’t want to do that?!

  • But maybe your LiveJournal days are long gone, in which case you might want to skip that last thing and INSTEAD head to the International Center of Photography for a book signing of Daylight’s Spring 2014 titles.
  • Too highbrow for your taste? FINE FINE FINE, just make sure to get yourself over to Nitehawk Cinema in Williamsburg for a screening of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
  • And if THAT still ain’t your cinematic jam, then consider popping over to Sunshine Cinema tonight for Spirited Away, one of the greatest Miyazaki titles EVER.
  • Too poor for all that noise? Well, there’s always the standard fallback of the Brooklyn Night Bazaar, which just so happens to have an insane free lineup tonight that features Dam-Funk.

SATURDAY

  • If you’re willing to cough up twenty dollars for live music tonight, probably head in the general direction of Webster Hall, where We Were Promised Jetpacks will by playing a show with Honeyblood.
  • More into Brooklyn, though? Use that same twenty bucks to snag yourself a ticket to catch Cibo Matto with Buffalo Daughter at Brooklyn Bowl tonight instead!
  • Or just head on down the road to Glasslands, where they’ll be hosting Ejecta, Nicholas Nicholas and Yonatan Gat tonight for all of ten dollars a ticket. NOT BAD.
  • Still no? WELL, I personally vote you head on over to Baby’s All Right, where High Waisted will play a show with Swaai Boys (purveyors of the SUNNIEST TUNES EVER), all for $10!
  • That is, if you’re not already too busy at Brooklyn Bowl for a show by Cardiknox and The Preatures, which will cost you ten dollars this evening and will be SO WORTH IT.

  • Brooklyn Night Bazaar’s got us covered (as per usual) tonight with a free set by Paint It Black (among others), though, so let’s most definitely go go go for a mega-bargain.
  • PLUS we’ve got a free DJ set by a place both wonderful and strange at Union Hall tonight, which you should DEFINITELY take advantage of before they launch into renovations mode for Sunday and beyond.
  • Personally I think we should all head to powerHouse Arena for a discussion on THE SCIENCE OF REINCARNATION, with a focus on kids who are born with past life knowledge. #CRAZY
  • And speaking of intellectual discussions, we could ALSO head to Brooklyn Brainery tonight for Our Zombies, Our Selves, which gets to the root of our fear of and fascination with zombies for $12.
  • Then again, maybe we’re just feeling super lazy today, in which case we should probably just mosey on over to the Museum of the Moving Image for a screening of Lost in Translation.

SUNDAY

  • If you can haul yourself out of bed before noon today, then you might just want to head to Brooklyn Bowl for a little brunch ‘n bowling soundtracked by Drowners for between $11 and $35.
  • And/or if you happen to be gluten-free, you might want to head to Freddy’s Bar at some point today for another round of the Gluten-Free EatUp, ft. GF snacks ‘n drinks.
  • Too hungover for all of that? Hole up in a nice dark movie theater, then! We’ve got plenty o’ film options today, starting with a screening of Splash at Nitehawk Cinema.
  • OR if you’re willing to traverse the Brooklyn non-wilderness, then you might consider hitting up BAM instead for a screening of the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

  • Feelin’ brave, though? Probably change your itinerary to include the Museum of the Moving Image, then, ’cause they’ll be screening creeptastic classic The Shining today.
  • But everyone knows that watching movies turns your brain to mush, so maybe skip the cinema and head to Standard Toy Kraft for Obscura Society’s Five Billion Years of Solitude: a discussion about life beyond Planet Earth. (#ALIENS)
  • If you’d prefer the topic of discussion to be slightly smuttier, though, then probably make your way to Le Poisson Rouge for tonight’s edition of Sunday Night Sex Talks.
  • PERSONALLY I think we should cure our hangovers at When In Robe, which is basically a spa day plus a full bar plus free food PLUS live tunes from Plastic Plates, all for $40-$50. Amazing.

WOW SO MUCH STUFF! If I’ve failed to mention something MEGA-IMPORTANTE, please feel free to digitally berate me in the comments and/or on Twitter. BYE!

X
X