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So there’s a lot of stuff to do this weekend, but I can pretty much tell you right now that the only thing I’LL be doing is emotionally preparing myself for Sunday, when Mary Carillo’s soothing male-inspired voice will be interviewing Tonya Harding AND Nancy Kerrigan. Like, WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?! I am so excited I cannot even handle it, HENCE this edition of BWB will be figure skating-themed WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. Before we get into all that, though, SOME THINGS FIRST:

  • First, we’ve got your weekly weekend astrological questions TOTALLY ANSWERED by Frank Underwood. (In GIF form, obviously.)
  • Planning on couching it the next couple of days, though? Here’s your weekly guide to new DVD releases and Netflix features!
  • And to go with all that TV (and takeout), here are some inspirational sweatpants to see you through in drawstring style.
  • But maybe you want to dance off the empty calories you’re about to consume en masse, in which case here’s our guide to TUNES YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS WEEK.

And here we go:

THURSDAY

  • First up, it’s THURSDAY, and you’re probably MEGA-TIRED. So, let’s just take things easy (‘n FREEZY) over at Videology, where they’ll host a complimentary screening of WORKING GIRL!
  • We’ve also got a free live performance from Jillette Johnson at Moscot tonight, so definitely get there and DO IT EARLY, ’cause there’s also free booze to be had, and that is #IMPORTANT.
  • Have eighteen dollars? Then you’ve ALSO got yourself a ticket to tonight’s Glasvegas show at the Knitting Factory! (Just be sure to grab ‘em before they increase to twenty bones day of show.)
  • We’ve also got the inimitable Sondre Lerche playing Baby’s All Right tonight for a super reasonable twenty bucks, so empty out those couch cushions and GO GO GO, yeah?
  • Speaking of twenty bucks, you might also consider reallocating those funds to score yourself a ticket to Digitalism at tonight’s edition of INPUT at Output…

  • Or just pop on over to Glasslands instead, where oOoOO will play us some morose beats w/ Temper and Vandana Jain for the low low price of ten dollars in advance, twelve day of show.
  • Super into RJD2, though? (OBVIOUSLY!) So head down the road to good old Brooklyn Bowl, where (provided you buy them in advance) tickets to the show of your dreams will cost you seventeen bones.
  • Still not your jam? Maybe head to Manhattan, ’cause Russian Circles will play a show at Bowery Ballroom tonight with KEN Mode and Inter Arma for fifteen bucks.
  • Just wanna dance? Most DEFINITELY reset your internal GPS and head for Le Poisson Rouge, ’cause The Knocks will be doing a DJ set for $12 in advance, $15 day of show.
  • And if you haven’t got a lot of money, pay what you wish over at Rockwood Music Hall around 9pm tonight for some lovely, dreamy tunes courtesy of Bird Courage instead!

FRIDAY

  • Pretty much the only thing we need to worry about tonight is getting over to the Brooklyn Night Bazaar, where there’ll be a free show from Widowspeak, Jessica Pratt, Ponyhof and MORE.
  • BUT if you’d prefer to watch a movie instead of listen to tunes, get yourself some Robocop action over at Videology tonight, which is screening (you guessed it) fo’ FREE!
  • If you’ve got ten bucks to spare tonight, though, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you pop over to Mercury Lounge for what sounds like a SUPER worthwhile show ft. Gospels ‘n Heavy English.
  • You can also just mosey on up Ludlow to Pianos, where Catey Shaw and Sophie Auster will open for Julia Monk tonight. Tickets are ALSO just ten bucks, aka a super steal.

SATURDAY

  • Brooklyn Night Bazaar kills it AGAIN tonight, only instead of Widowspeak and crew they’ve got Savoir Adore with Tropic of Pisces and others, all for the low price of NO DOLLARS.
  • Too lazy for all that jazz, though? Well, just pop on over to Videology instead, ’cause they’ll play host to an evening of tribute clips to the teen comedies we all love so dearly!
  • Despite the fact that I’m kind of super not into Terminal 5 for the live music experience, there’s no denying that tonight’s Four Tet show is going to be epic, so let’s just cough up the $25 and bite that bullet, yeah?
  • We’ve also got Spank Rock with Juiceboxx and Lil Internet at Cameo Gallery tonight, so if you feel like makin’ it a Brooklyn night for $13 in advance ($15 day of show) this is a solid bet.

  • Or if you’d like a happy medium, just hit up Rockwood Music Hall this evening for some quality time with Matt Sucich, who’ll be churning out some extra-good tunes for just seven bucks.
  • PERSONALLY I think we should all make a beeline for Glasslands, where mother effing BEACON will play a show tonight for the insanely low price of twelve dollars.
  • Think you can stay up a little past your bedtime, though? Definitely hang around Glasslands for the late gig, ’cause Bit Funk is on, PLUS there’ll be DJ sets from Escort AND Midnight Magic, all for just twelve dollars.
  • OR if you just wanna LEARN LEARN LEARN, then head to the New Museum for a lecture on e-cigarettes, because let’s be real, WHAT EVEN ARE THOSE?! Tickets are $10.

SUNDAY

  • Blow all your dollars on drunk pizza last night? NOT TO WORRY! We’ve got ScHoolboy Q at Le Poisson Rouge tonight for the poor-people-approved price of FREE!
  • Or if you were slightly more responsible and possess at least ten dollars, then you should hit up Radio Bushwick tonight for an evening with WOLVVES because OBVIOUSLY.
  • AND we’ve got another edition of Our Princess Is In Another Castle, which is AMAZING considering we can get in on some bracketed Mortal Combat vs. Street Fighter action fo’ FREE at Union Hall.
  • More concerned with hangover recovery today, though? LET’S TALK MOVIES. For instance, we’ve got Princess Mononoke at Sunshine Cinema today if you’re into the whole Japanimation thing…
  • We’ve ALSO got a screening of mega-classic North By Northwest happening over at the Film Forum, so be sure to get to the 1pm, 5:50pm and/or 8:45pm, okay? OKAY?!

  • No? Well, if you’d prefer a little WAX ON WAX OFF in the cinematic department, probably make a beeline for Nitehawk Cinema today for a screening of The Karate Kid! #MIYAGIIIIIIIIIIII
  • BUT if you’re just tryna drank today, then reset your internal GPS and head for CASKALOT: a celebration of NYC cask conditioned ales! $45 gets you three hours of unlimited cask pours, so be sure to come on a full stomach and empty liver, yeah?
  • Or if you can stomach heading to Hoboken, New Jersey, AND the sport of redneck kings (aka cornhole) happens to be your favorite, then cough up $30 to compete in a benefit tournament today.
  • And what will I be doing? I THINK I HAVE MADE IT VERY, VERY CLEAR, GUYS. I will be watching the magic of Mary Carillo interviewing Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan, and IT WILL BE SO GOOD.

WOW SO MUCH STUFF! If I’ve failed to mention something here, please feel free to digitally berate me in the comments and/or on Twitter. BYE!

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