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Guys, it’s Valentine’s Day weekend; whether you plan to spend it in romantic bliss or single misery, we’ve got plenty for you to keep yourself occupied outside the bedroom. (For example, we’ve got a screening of Carrie, because SEASONALLY-APPROPRIATE!) So let’s get going with all of that in JUST A MINUTE. But first:

  • If you’re concerned about your astrological future this weekend, NEVER FEAR, ’cause DOGS are here to tell you ALL OF THE THINGS.
  • Also, Ron Jeremy gave us some romance tips, which is really important for Valentine’s Day, guys…
  • What’s that, though? You don’t NEED romance tips because you’ve accepted the fact that you’re going to die alone? Great, ’cause we’ve got some Netflix suggestions for you!
  • Not that lazy? That’s okay; we asked our favorite people (like Kip Berman, Gary Shteyngart and MORE) for reasons why New York City is the only one we need to wake up next to in the morning.

AND NOW FOR EVERYTHING ELSE:

THURSDAY

  • First, we can join in a little conversation with Zac Posen from 5-6pm thanks to the continually amazing NYFW programming that’s going on at the Apple SoHo store!
  • Later, you most DEFINITELY want to get on the list for a TWELV Magazine party at The DL, ’cause there will be free booze from 9-11pm. Shoot an email to [email protected] to get on the list.
  • If you don’t mind forking over fifty bucks, though, then you might want to head to Edible Manhattan’s Good Spirits tonight, featuring an eff ton of alcohol ‘n snacks to sample.
  • Too pricey? Just scrape together fifteen dollars instead and head to the Museum of Chinese in America for an evening w/ Pichet Ong and his amazing desserts, which you’ll get to TASTE and it will be GOOD.

  • Musically, we’ve got Deaf Havana with Born Cages at Mercury Lounge, so if you’ve got the ten bones it’ll cost you to snag early tickets DO IT, or if you can scrounge up twelve day of show, ALSO DO IT.
  • Also pretty super into American Royalty at Baby’s All Right tonight, so if you can manage the ten dollars for early tickets, again, DO IT, slash grab twelve dollar passes DAY OF SHOW.
  • And WHOA WHOA WHOA we’ve also got Nicole Atkins churning out tunes at Bowery Ballroom, so if you’ve got sixteen dollars in advance and/or eighteen dollars day of show, GET IT, GURL.
  • Not into ANY of that? Catch Challenger (who soundtracked a favorite movie of ours called Not Waving But Drowning) at Cake Shop for JUST EIGHT DOLLARS! (Mind-blowingly low price.)
  • PLUS it’s the last day to catch a special screening of Alphaville at the Film Forum, so if Godard is your jam, this is most definitely your best bet tonight. GET IT, GURL.

FRIDAY

  • Doin’ anything this Valentine’s Day? I vote you hit up Glasslands to hang out with us and all the other lonely people for THE BROKEN HEARTED BALL, in which you can dance to breakup AND hookup songs for just $5.
  • Or if you’re in the market for a party that’ll cost you three more dollars, head to the Union Hall tonight for an evening of screaming your lungs out to ALL THE POWER BALLADS.
  • Not into that? WELL, you could also hit up the Bell House for a tribute to Unloveable: a The Smiths and Morrissey that’ll cost you twelve bucks in advance, fifteen day of show.
  • OR just catch Black Girls at Mercury Lounce, ’cause THEY’RE NOT GONNA TEACH YOUR BOYFRIEND HOW TO DANCE WITH YOU for ten dollars in advance, twelve day of show.

  • But HEY, there’s more Jonathan Wilson AND The Blank Tapes to be had over at Music Hall of Williamsburg, so if you couldn’t get enough earlier this week, then DEFINITELY cough up twenty dollars ‘n go.
  • Slash HONESTLY, we couldn’t think of a better Valentine’s Day than spending your evening with Bird Courage, who JUST SO HAPPEN to be playing the Rock Shop tonight for eight bucks.
  • Earlier on the evening, though, we can ALSO hit up the Apple Soho location for ANOTHER fashion talk, this time with Proenza Schouler’s Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez!
  • BUT if you’d prefer something a little more romantic tonight, probably hit up Videology for a free screening of mega-beloved Harold and Maude! ODD COUPLES FOR THE WIN!
  • Still no? Well, I have a feeling you’ll be won over by this next thing, which involves ALL OF THE FREE ALCOHOL for an Absolut LUNCH BREAK featuring DJ Jonathan Toubin!

SATURDAY

  • HOLY EFF DROP THE PHONE WE’VE GOT YUCK PLAYING AT THE BOWERY BALLROOM TONIGHT AND IT WILL BE GOOD SLASH PLEASE PAY FIFTEEN DOLLARS IN ADVANCE SEVENTEEN DAY OF SHOW OKAY.
  • Still dying for more Dead Meadow, though? Then HIGHTAIL IT TO GLASSLANDS TONIGHT, ’cause they’ll be playing a show for the very low price of fifteen dollars.
  • And THEN stick around for Penguin Prison, because we’re mega-fans AND there will be a DJ set happening PLUS live vocals, PLUS it’ll only cost you twelve dollars, you just have to have enough stamina to stay awake post-eleven-thirty-PM.
  • PERSONALLY, though, I vote we all head to Cameo Gallery tonight for an Ice Choir + Germans show, y’know? Moody disco and all that for just eight dollars in advance, ten day of show. BOOM.

  • If you’re just tryna dance tonight and/or experience some mega-nostalgia for the nineties, then most definitely head to the Union Hall tonight for the latest edition of Crazy Since Da Nineties!
  • Of course, if you’re more in the mood to catch a free flick this evening, then you’ll want to pop on over to Videology for a screening of Do the Right Thing, because YES!
  • And if that’s not terrifying enough for you, slash you were even REMOTELY lonely on Valentine’s Day, watch Fatal Attraction at IFC Center tonight to remind yourself why being single ain’t so bad.
  • Similarly, you can catch a screening of Carrie at BAM today, because obviously this is a seasonally appropriate time to roll out ALL OF THE TERRIFYING MOVIES.
  • Not intellectual enough for your giant brain? Head to the Housing Works Bookstore for the latest edition of the Kurt Vonnegut book group, this time featuring CAT’S CRADLE!

SUNDAY

  • Hi, we’re super obsessed with Juan Wauters, so you should DEFINITELY grab tickets to the show tonight at Baby’s All Right, ’cause they’re available for the minimal price of $10 in advance, $12 day of show.
  • BUT we’ve also got the option to hit up Music Hall of Williamsburg tonight for Those Darlins AND Diarrhea Planet, which sounds like just about the best fifteen dollars you can possibly spend…
  • More into the idea of gettin’ REAL DRUNK and going roller-skating instead, though? (OBVIOUSLY!) Just head on over to the Brooklyn Night Bazaar for Down and Derby, which’ll cost just ten bucks.

  • Or if you’d just prefer to swim in a heated pool all day, then you should hit up the President’s Day party that’s happening at the Grace Hotel for twenty dollars per person.
  • Too super lazy for any and/or all physical activity? Definitely get over to BAM today for a screening of (are you ready for this?) NINE TO FIVE BECAUSE DOLLY PARTON!
  • Or if you’re in the mood for something a little more Lynchian-creepy, then probably hit up IFC Center for a screening of Blue Velvet this evening instead! #FEAR #FEAR #FEAR
  • And speaking of #FEAR #FEAR #FEAR, we’ve ALSO got the mother effing Valentine’s Day edition of the Vampire Ball, so if you’re trying to chill with some scary people, THE DL IS YOUR PLACE.

WOW SO MUCH STUFF! If I’ve failed to mention anything, please feel free to PWN THIS N00B in this comments and/or on Twitter. BYE!

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