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Guys, I can’t even handle how much stuff we’ve got going on this weekend…for starters, there’s a stellar music lineup, PLUS we’ve got the Super Bowl, Chinese New Year, and BEST OF ALL, a MOTHER EFFING MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY SINGALONG. (I bet you can guess what our GIF theme will be this time…) Before we get into all that, though, here’s some stuff for your consideration:

  • First, if you’re unsure of what the weekend holds for you, consult your horoscope, which we have illustrated with Barack Obama GIFs.
  • Next, if you’re trying to remedy any mega-hangovers this weekend, you should most definitely hit up Hill Country BK for ALL OF THE MEAT and ALL OF THE SIDES. (We know, because we went to the housewarming party and ate way too much.)
  • Think you’ll have time for some shoppin’, though? Probably start thinking about Valentine’s Day gifts. Lobster cookies are now available at Dominique Ansel because #FRIENDS, AND we have a little gift guide for all your single friends to make them feel less pathetic!
  • And if nothing below resonates with you, get READY for February’s One Step Beyond at the AMNH, ’cause it’s gonna be epic.

And now, without further adieu, HERE WE GO:

THURSDAY

  • If you’re not going to see Blue Sky Black Death tonight at Cameo Gallery, THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU. Buy tickets now at $12 a pop before they increase to $15 day of show.
  • HOWEVER, you totally get a free pass if you focus your funds ($15, to be exact…) on purchasing a ticket to catch the lovely Eleni Mandell over at Mercury Lounge this evening.
  • Got five extra bucks, though? Definitely consider popping over to Output tonight for INPUT, featuring Prefuse 73, Nosaj Thing AND Falty DL, all under one glorious roof for $20.
  • We also SUPER RECOMMEND the Sylvan Esso show that’s happening at Rough Trade tonight; tickets are $10 in advance, $12 day of show, but I very seriously doubt they won’t sell out before that point…

  • And HOLY EFF, ’cause we’ve got OMBRE (the magical project of Juliana Barwick ‘n Helado Negro) over at Splitty this evening for (are you ready for this) TOTALLY FREE, so we should definitely go.
  • Or maybe, JUST MAYBE, we should all pile into the metaphorical minivan and head for powerHouse Arena to hang out with Jesse Eisenberg in conversation with Teddy Wayne, author of The Love Song of Jonny Valentine!
  • If you’ve been lookin’ fer love in all the wrong places, though, then you should most definitely head to Strand Books for OkCupid’s boozy book swap, where you MIGHT just meet the literate human of your dreams!
  • Or just go get REAL SCARED of birds over at MoMA this afternoon for another screening of (you guessed it) THE BIRDS! (So many wings, so much fear. You’ll never sleep again.)

FRIDAY

  • Ummmmmmmm legitimately the only thing we need to worry about today is getting to Videology, because they’ll be hosting a mother effing FREE EVENING OF MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY SINGALONG GOODNESS. All of the acting skills, all of the VHS glory.
  • If that’s too low-brow for you (WHO ARE YOU?!) then you might also consider hitting up the Museum of the Moving Image for a one-night-only screening of A Star Is Born, ’cause JUDY GARLAND RULES.
  • BUT we’ve also got Mahogany AND Lazyeyes playing a show at Glasslands with Shy Boys as the opening act, meaning we should DEFINITELY grab $10 tickets before they’re all sold out.
  • And if you’re up for some late-night nostalgia, stick around Glasslands for a $5 “Taking Back Friday” pop-punk ‘n emo dance party with the Adventures BK DJs, ’cause who doesn’t want to revisit the simpler days of Jimmy Eat World?!

  • More into Manhattan tonight? Make a beeline for Pianos; the lineup is SUPER GOOD, featuringGermans (one of our super favorites) and others, all for just $10 entry.
  • You can also pop just down the road to Mercury Lounge straight after work for the early show, which’ll feature Maria Minerva for a budget-friendly ten bones. (AMAZING VALUE.)
  • AND consider sticking around to cough up another $10 afterward, ’cause Emanuel and the Fearwill be playing alongside Cold Blood Club, and it will be SUPER GOOD, PROBABLY! (PS, try to say Cold Blood Club 800x fast…)
  • Do you JUST WANNA DANCE, though? Head BACK to Brooklyn; Nancy Whang (LCD Soundsystem) and Body Language will be providing the DJ sets at Brooklyn Bowl tonight for $10.
  • BUT if you just so happen to have between $35 and $95 to spare, and/or can figure out how to get to Port Chester, you MIGHT just want to catch Ms. Lauryn Hill at the Capitol Theatre instead…

SATURDAY

  • Got $10 to blow? Probably hit up Glasslands for a Jangula show this evening; the bill also includes Miniboone and Weekender, and I wouldn’t be surprised if things sell out well in advance of showtime. (GET ON IT.)
  • BUT you could also pop just up the street to Cameo Gallery, tonight where Porches‘ll be playing a show with Howth and Stranger Cat for a very reasonable $8 per ticket. #VALUE
  • And if you’re STILL not into either of those things, consider Baby’s All Right tonight for this week’s second opportunity to catch ICEWATER, tonight w/ TEEN and others for just $10.
  • Got double the cash? WELL, you might just want to zip on over to Rough Trade this evening, ’cause Man Man will be playing a show with Xenia Rubinos, which sounds pretty well worth the $20 ticket price.

  • Manhattan-bound this evening? NO WORRIES! We QUITE love the sound of Gambles, who just so happens to be playing a show at Mercury Lounge tonight for the low price of $10 per ticket.
  • But if you’re just super broke, head on back to Brooklyn (Park Slope) to Union Hall, where a place both wonderful and strange will be providing the tunes for a FREE late-night DJ set.
  • OR drink whilst exercising thanks to Videology’s very free Suzanne Somers Workout party, featuring a free screening of JAZZERCISE, plus drink specials and all other sorts of health-driven weirdness!
  • Just trying to dance your face off to the nostalgic tunes of the nineties? You’ll most definitely want to swing by the Bell House for tonight’s edition of Party Like It’s 1999, the Ace Ventura edition. #ALRIGHTYTHEN

SUNDAY

  • SUPERBOWL TIME. There’s no shortage of spots to watch the big game, but if you really want some bang for your buck you’ll head to the Bell House and/or Union Hall, where there will be complimentary wings AND chili at halftime. (YASSSSS.)
  • If you happen to have a little extra cash, though, you might want to hit up Villain BK; BrisketTown’s hosting a Bowl-B-Cue, and $99 gets you BBQ + unlimited drinks + game watchin’ on a giant screen.
  • And if you’d prefer a pay-as-you-go plan, Roberta’s is where it’s at! They’ll have everything from wings to ribs to football-shaped calzones, plus there’ll be drink specials throughout the whole game screening.
  • My vote for all of the parties, though, would have to go to Pianos, ’cause they’ll have an open Tecate bar from 5-5:30, plus will have happy hour drink pricing AND a $5 nacho special throughout the game, which is to be projected on a huge screen. (AMAZING.)

  • Personally I’m not mega into the whole sports thing (unless it’s soccer or tennis, but alas), so I’m going to spend my energy on getting over to the Chinatown Lunar New Year PARADE!
  • MEANWHILE, the lineup at Mercury Lounge tonight is all you need to know, ’cause it’s STELLAR; we’ve got Gem Club, Foxes In Fiction AND Ricky Eat Acid all under one roof, all for just twelve buckeroos a head.
  • Too lazy for that business? Don’t worry, there are plenty of cinematic opportunities today. For starters, there’s Groundhog Day (#APPROPRIATE) at Nitehawk Cinema, and as you should know by now, anywhere there’s a Bill Murray there’s a WE SHOULD GO.
  • ALSO at Nitehawk today is a screening of Road House, which is basically amazing, and we should definitely consider it as it’s a universal rule that everyone is CRAZY FOR SWAYZE.

WOW SO MUCH STUFF! If I’ve failed to mention something near and dear to you, please feel free to get REAL MAD at me in the comments and/or on Twitter. BYE!

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