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So first, digital high-fives all around for (almost) making it through this week. We’re nearly there, guys, and all we have to do is keep our eyes on the prize, which is JURASSIC PARK 3D TOMORROW. That’s right, 3D dinosaurs. 3D Jeff Goldblum. 3D Newman. ALL OF IT. Plus all of SO MUCH MORE, as evidenced below. (I AM SO EXCITED I AM SHAKING.)

THURSDAY

  • Let’s start things off at the movies, yeah? I think we can all agree that everything is massively better in 3D, Grace Kelly being no exception to that rule. That’s why we should all be REALLY EFFING EXCITED that the Film Forum will be screening Dial M for Murder, the only Hitchcock film EVER to be filmed in 3D. Whoa. It’ll be the perfect prelude to Jurassic Park 3D in theaters tomorrow!
  • And if you’ve ever wondered how Darren Aronofsky got to Point B (read: The Fighter, Black Swan, etc.) just pop on by MoMA tonight to catch a screening of Pi, aka Point A.
  • But HOLD THE PHONE, ’cause Nitehawk will be screening Easy Rider, and we can go ponder things like motorcycles and disillusionment and Jack Nicholson!
  • In terms of shows, we’ve got Meat Puppets for ROUND TWO at Mercury Lounge tonight, with ticket prices holding steady at the reasonable $16 mark.
  • We’ve also got Frightened Rabbit at Terminal 5 for $23, though; they’ll be supported by Wintersleep, so if that sounds like a good time to you, probably snag tickets now.

  • Personally I vote Fol Chen tonight, partially because they’re playing a very affordable $10 show at Glasslands tonight, but mostly because I interviewed them once and they sent me a picture of homemade Peeps they hand-crafted. (Easter, timely, relevant, etc.)
  • HOWEVER, for between $20 and $25 we can can snag tickets to catch a Juan MacLean DJ set at Output in Brooklyn, and it will (probably) be good.
  • If we’re REALLY looking to dance, though, I’m going to vote we swing by Santos Party House for Lovelife and Goldroom, plus Little Daylight AND Alex Metric, all under one roof for just $10. (AMAZING.)
  • But let’s be real, we’re kind of thirsty, right? Let’s go hang w/ Kelly Rowland AND free booze at Courvoisiology Lab tonight; I don’t know why you would need further explanation, but there’s more info here.
  • AND we’ve also got an open bar from 10-11pm at WIP Gallery for Cheeky Bastard’s Solidisco Release Party, which sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

FRIDAY

  • Let’s start with movies again, Alex! For instance, JURASSIC PARK 3D JURASSIC PARK 3D JURASSIC PARK 3D. And also another round of Easy Rider at Nitehawk. MORE DISILLUSIONMENT, HOORAY!
  • Of course, let’s also consider checking out Me and You and Everyone We Know at MoMA; even though I once pretended to not like Miranda July after a former boss said (deridingly) “Ugh, it just reminds me of like, girls who wear yellow dresses and like Amelie and Miranda July!” (and I went, “Oh, yeah. Totally. The worst.” in agreement) I actually really do appreciate most of her work, especially this film.
  • Then again, Death Becomes Her is playing FO’ FREE at Videology, and as a big advocate of free things and also Meryl Streep, I can’t help but feel like maybe we should devote our evening to this one.

  • Or if we just feel like being generally terrified, there’s always a screening of The Shining to look forward to at the IFC! (Let’s just OD on Jack Nicholson movies today, guys! LET’S JUST DO IT.)
  • Musically, tonight we’ve got ANOTHER opportunity (that we should definitely take) to catch Har Mar Superstar and The Virgins for a mere $12! Granted, we’ll have to trek it out to Maxwell’s, but SO WHAT WHO CARES?!
  • Of course, if we feel like adding some free booze to the mix, I vote we head over to 3rd Ward for the launch of XEX Magazine, ft. plenty o’ complimentary beverages on top of free music and more.
  • We can ALSO grab an hour of free booze at Brooklyn Stable from 11pm-12am tonight for this edition of Junior High, which also promises lots and lots of DJs.

SATURDAY

  • Let’s begin on a semi-early note to fix and/or postpone our hangovers; I can’t think of a better way to do that than to ring in the official start of baseball season at Nitehawk, where there will be a brunch screening of Bad News Bears!
  • We can follow that with a trip to re-opening day of Smorgasburg, and cram our faces full of ALL KINDS OF DELICIOUS PORTABLE SNACKS.
  • And THEN if we want to go crazy (literally) let’s head over to Patrick Bateman’s Birthday Party, a totally immersive American Psycho experience, including a screening of the film, drinks, a once-only Silent Drape Runners performance tailored to the film, and meat bones meat meat bones meat flesh. ALL THINGS THAT ARE GOOD.
  • If we want to continue the weirdness, all we have to do is head on over to Santos Party House for what is sure to be a mildly terrifying time thanks to Redd Kross, playing for a reasonable $15.
  • If your brain went from Redd Kross to REDRUM, I’d say an equally scary option would be to attend this second screening of The Shining at the IFC. And then we will be too afraid to sleep, and can stay up all night partying! #PRODUCTIVE

  • Then again, maybe we’d prefer a more uplifting cinematic experience, in which case we ought to consider swinging by MoMA for a screening of Winter’s Bone, a film that depicts everyday life in sunny, tropical Appalachia, and features everybody’s favorite things, aka methamphetamines and Jennifer Lawrence!
  • Okay, so you probably gathered that Winter’s Bone is not the best way to feel good on a Saturday, so let’s instead hit up Videology for a $2 screening of Zoolander! It will be the greatest ever!
  • UNLESS we head over to Branded Saloon for a screening of The Big Lebowski, featuring food, drinks, and a dialogue with Dr. Harvey Roy Greenberg, who is a pop culture critic or something!
  • But if we’ve got booze on the brain, I vote we hit up the open bar from 9-10pm at this edition of FLOR3NT; it’s an entirely free event provided you RSVP, so GET ON IT.
  • SPEAKING of free booze, let’s head over to this edition of Cheeky Bastard at Yotel for an hour-long open bar from 10-11pm. VODKA FOR ALL!
  • OR let’s cough up $10 and head over to a benefit for LaunchPad, featuring animation, karaoke and FREE BEER. (You know, so we can be philanthropic alcoholics or whatever.)

SUNDAY

  • We’ve got a couple of movie options today, so let’s start with the scariest AND earliest! People are going CUH-RAY-ZAY for 3D this week, as evidenced by the fact that the original 1953 version of House of Wax is showing at the Film Forum at 11am sharp. It will give you the heebie effing jeebies, so maybe plan to avoid things like candles immediately following the screening. (And/or watch the Paris Hilton / Dean from Gilmore Girls version afterwards and LOL the fear away.)
  • We could also jet over to Nitehawk for the second brunch screening of Bad News Bears this weekend, which will be full of booze and LOLs and all things that are good.
  • For something a little more intellectual, though, we’ve also got ANOTHER screening of Pi at MoMA tonight, so let’s get our Aronofsky on, yeah? Maybe? Brain power?

  • SPEAKING of brain power, let’s go flex ours at WORD Books for an evening of Classics Jeopardy; you’ll compete for prizes and glory, and by the end, someone WILL reign nerd supreme!
  • OR if we can scrape together $10 tonight, I think our only logical option would be to check out Hess Is More at the Bowery Electric. (I mean, self-explanatory, yeah?)
  • But WAIT WAIT WAIT, ’cause we can go hang out with Edie Falco at 92Y for a talk with Jordan Roth! All of our dreams are coming true!
  • UNLESS we are super hungry, in which case we should probably go to 92Y Tribeca and eat an eff ton of historically-accurate 19th century Parisian cuisine; this will be part of Eat, Drink & Think Like Napoleon III. (AMAZING.)

WOW, SO MUCH STUFF! Did I forget anything, though? Sorry, I was too busy thinking about Jurassic Park and when Newman gets attacked by raptors. (SORRY NEWMAN.) Okay but seriously, tell me all about what I left out in the comments and/or on Twitter and/or via homing pigeon. (Preferably not the latter, though. #BIRDS #GROSS)

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