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GOOD MORNING AND HAPPY (ALMOST/SORT OF) WEEKEND! Last night I went to my friend Tom’s house (Tom is in his seventies and I met him at a gay bar on 4/20 a few years ago // he gave me a weed brownie and we have been friends ever since). He made a bunch of roasted chestnuts (which I had previously believed were more decorative than edible, but wow v. good and v. satisfying to crack open!) and we watched The Women (1939). I’d somehow never seen it before (also never saw the 2008 remake which is a good thing since it was allegedly garbage), and it is THE MOST bonkers movie I have seen in a while.

And so now I need to briefly talk about it even though it has nothing to do with YOUR weekend. (Unless you watch it, WHICH I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE SHOULD.) First of all, there are ZERO MEN in the entire film, which is 133 minutes long. You don’t even hear a man’s voice! It features performances by Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell, Mary Boland, etc., and they just drag each other the entire time. (IT’S AMAZING.) The whole thing is in black and white except (randomly) one part, which is a dialogue-less fashion show that’s in color, and the fashion, by the way, is bananas! LOOK AT THIS OUTFIT:

THOSE ARE EYEBALLS ON THE TOP! (NEED!) Anyway, I just felt like I needed to talk about that. Also when I left Tom’s house he said, “Wait!” And he pushed some pedals with his feet and all of a sudden bubbles and fog appeared, because he apparently owns a bubble machine and a fog machine. And then he laughed and I also laughed and I went home. (Tom is a fun guy!)

Are you still with me? Okay great because now we can talk about YOUR weekend, but yes, The Women is our GIF theme because I feel like I’m now the street team for a 1939 film. In terms of what’s going on near us the next few days, we’ve got plenty of holiday movie screenings, the 10th annual Yule Ball from Harry and the Potters, drag cabaret vibes and MORE! Before we talk about all of it, here’s what you might’ve missed this week if you were too busy drowning in various forms of precipitation!

Thursday December 12

  • If you’re in the mood to LOL, probably swing on by the Bell House for a $20 evening w/ Michael Ian Black!
  • Meanwhile, it’s the holiday edition of Nostalgia Personified at Brooklyn Brewery ft. Danny Tamberelli and Mike Maronna of Nickelodeon’s Pete & Pete acclaim! Tickets are $20+.
  • Plus it’s Found Footage Festival’s Christmas Special at Nitehawk Prospect Park! Tickets are $18.
  • Speaking of footage, if you’ve got a spare six hundred years to spare, It’s a Wonderful Life is screening at IFC Center and Mary Owen (Donna Reed’s daughter) will intro the 7pm show! Tickets are $16.

  • But if tunes are more your jam, make sure to RSVP for Noisey Nights at Villain! Tonight’s L Word: Gen Q-presented lineup features Frankie Cosmos, Sir Babygirl, Hannah Cohen and more, and admission is FREE if you’re on the list and show up before it hits capacity!
  • You can also catch Bailen w/ Hailey Knox at Bowery Ballroom for $20!
  • Or for PURE DANCE VIBES, pop over to Avant Gardner for an evening w/ Tourist x Matthew Dear! Tickets are $20+.
  • Too poor? Just hit up tonight’s edition of Dirty Thursday at House of Yes is 100% THAT BITCH! Yes, all of the Lizzo bops, all for free!

Friday December 13

  • Kicking things off with tunes, the one and only Annie Hart has a record release gig at Union Pool for $12-$15!
  • Or you can catch Pile with Patio and Gabby’s World at LPR for $16…
  • …plus Plaid will be at Elsewhere for $20-$25!
  • I’m also contractually obligated to mention that it’s Z100’s Jingle Ball tonight, and while it appears to be sold out, I’m sure you can hawk your spleen for a resale ticket! (I am mainly only mentioning this because Lizzo, but other performances will be by Taylor Swift, Halsey, the Jonas Brothers, etc.)

  • Or if you’re more in the mood to get into the holiday spirit or something, hit up Brooklyn Bowl for the Christmas edition of This Party Is Killing You, aka THE ROBYN PARTY! Tickets are $10-$15 each.
  • On a semi-similar but far less physically demanding holiday note, you can head to Syndicated for a $7 screening of A Christmas Story!
  • Meanwhile, there are $15 midnight screenings of Gremlins AND Home Alone at Nitehawk Williamsburg!
  • In terms of comedy, we’ve got Jon Daly and Jon Glaser taking over Mercury Lounge’s early slot tonight for $10!

Saturday December 14

  • For starters, we’ve got brunch screenings of Elf at Nitehawk Prospect Park and Scrooged at Nitehawk Williamsburg today and tomorrow! Tickets are $15.
  • Or after that, head to Syndicated for a $7 screening of The Holiday! Seasonally-appropriate Jude Law!
  • For comedy, GATHER YE ROUND at Union Hall for TWO shows – 1. Friends Who Folk w/ guests Jo Firestone, Max Wittert and Jo Firestone, and 2. Book Club: A Comedy Show ft. hosts Colin Stokes and Blythe Roberson and guests Jo Firestone, Karen Chee, Fran Hoepfner and Dash Turner! Each show will run you $8-$10 a pop.
  • If it’s mega queer vibes you’re after, head to Littlefield for NEFERTITTIES (drag cabaret creating a revolutionary space for queer Arabs, Muslims, Egyptians, people of color and beyond!): The Holigay Ball edition! Tickets are $10-$15 each.
  • Or maybe you’re gay for the Hogwarts universe, in which case head to Harry and the Potters’ 10th Annual Yule Ball at the Bell House! Tickets are $22.

  • While we’re in tunes territory, let’s talk about how it’s Slumberland Records’ 30th anniversary! They’re throwin’ a big ol’ party at Union Pool ft. sets by Pale Lights, The Natvral and more, and tickets are $12-$15 a pop.
  • You should also hit up Babycastles for a fundraiser party to support future programming and exhibitions! Sets by Shamir, gobbinjr, BABYGHOST and more, and tickets are on a sliding scale from $15-$100!
  • If you’re lookin’ to FLAT OUT BAILAR (that’s DANCE in Spanish // wow, v. educational today!), head to a new round of A Party Called Rosie Perez at C’mon Everybody! As usual, tickets are just $5.
  • You can also zip on back to the Bell House post-Potter mania for HOUSEQUAKE: PRINCE PARTY! That’s right, all Prince, all night, also just $5! (All these $5 dance parties just made me want to make some kind of $5 footlongs/$5 footloose joke but I AM NOT A DAD.)
  • Or maybe none of that is late enough and/or expensive enough for you, in which case get to Elsewhere from 2am onward for a $25 Horse Meat Disco time!

Sunday December 15

  • Beginning in tunes land, if you’re down to trek it out to Jersey today you can catch Fred Armisen at Asbury Lanes for $32-$35!
  • We’ve also got the inimitable Laura Stevenson and Adult Mom at Monty Hall! Tickets are $15.
  • If you wanna keep it more local, and/or if dancin’ is your MO, then be sure to head to Public Records for the reunion (FINALLY) of Deep Space w/ Fran├žois K! Free w/ RSVP!
  • “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE JAM BANDS, MEGAN?!” If you’re a Deadhead kinda guy, head to Bowery Ballroom for a $15 Grateful Dead tribute or whatever!

  • In terms of LOLs, my top pick CLEARLY goes to Littlefield, where there’s a new round of Haunting Renditions w/ Eliot Glazer! Lineup includes Cecily Strong, Isaac Mizrahi, Melissa Villase├▒or and Ego Nwodim, and tickets are $15 each.
  • But maybe you’re more in a film mood, in which case head to Metrograph for some real good programming today! At 1pm there’s a screening of Quarry with legend Meredith Monk IRL for a Q+A ($15), plus Dionne Warwick will intro a 3:30pm screening of Valley of the Dolls ft. bonus Q+A ($30)!
  • Too highbrow? Get to Syndicated for a $7 screening of Gremlins!
  • Or if you’re feelin’ crafty, there’s a terrarium class happening at Brooklyn Brainery! Tickets are $52 each.