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AHHHHHHHH SEPTEMBER, WHEN THE BEAUTIFUL DEATH RATTLE OF SUMMER DRAWS NEAR! Okay, I get it, I’m probably the only person on the planet who genuinely hates summertime, just like I’m probably the only person on the planet who genuinely cares about the US Open, but you know what, guys? I AM IN CHARGE HERE AND I WILL FRAME THINGS HOW I WANT TO FRAME THEM! Warm weather animosity aside, I would like to tell you about some rad events that are happening the next few days, none of which I will be attending because of the aforementioned US Open obsession which has had me glued to my laptop screen for the past four days. Whether you’re into music cruises, Dolly Parton festivals, or you just prefer to hunker down with some good old fashioned Gilmore Girls trivia (which, obviously, is our GIF theme this time), THE WORLD IS YOUR WEEKEND OYSTER! Before we launch into all of that, though, here are some things you should consider clicking on to improve your quality of life:

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  • WELCOME TO THE WEEKEND, PRACTICALLY! If you decide you can tear yourself away from the inevitable post-office happy hour tonight, then you’ll most def-o want to catch Charly Bliss at Mercury Lounge for ten bucks in advance, twelve day of show.
  • Not your jam? Zip just around the corner to good old Pianos, where there’s a rad lineup this evening that features Germans, The Letter Yellow, Riverwild, Atarah Valentine and MORE for eight bucks a ticket.
  • You can also (as usual) make it a Brooklyn night instead thanks to an AJ Davila, Total Slacker and Acid Dad show at Shea Stadium, tickets to which will set you back a very reasonable twelve bucks a pop.
  • At Aviv, meanwhile, there’s a pretty excellent-sounding gig happening at 8pm tonight featuring Dope Body, PC Worship, Pill, Big Neck Police AND Pretengineer all under one roof for just ten bucks per ticket.
  • Let’s also not forget that you have the opportunity to d-d-d-d-dance your goddamn face off the entire night at Output, where Penguin Prison will be providing the tunes via DJ set from 10pm until 4am for$15-$20.
  • Or if you really enjoyed yourself on that tunes cruise last night with High Waisted, maybe you’d like to go for round two on the open water with a Widowspeak album release cruise for twenty bucks a ticket tonight.

  • More about the LOLs tonight? I’d highly suggest getting to Housing Works Bookstore Cafe, then, ’cause they’re hosting Aparna Nancherla, Jermaine Fowler and MORE for just ten bucks per ticket.
  • Or like, scrounge up thirty-two dollars from the couch cushions so you can hang out with Jason Sudeikis and Alison Brie for a preview screening of Sleeping With Other People AND bonus Q+A at 92Y.
  • For some cheaper entertainment, look no further than UCB Chelsea, though; tonight they’re hosting Comedy Central’s Comics To Watch Sketch Showcases, and all of the LOLs will cost you just five bucks.
  • And for something even more affordable than THAT, you’ll want to get on over to Videology in Williamsburg for an ultra-free evening provided by the kind souls at Fluent City via a screening of The Class tonight.
  • OR, or, you could also always head to what appears to be a free block party featuring complimentary tunes ‘n libations at the opening exhibition of a brand new gallery space for United Photo Industries in DUMBO!

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  • HEY HEY HEY HAPPY FRIDAY, YOU DID IT! Celebrate tonight over at Littlefield, where there is a GODDAMNED DOLLY PARTON EXTRAVAGANZA HAPPENING! Called Dollypalooza, it’s the best tribute event OF ALL TIME and will feature Dolly Parton cover bands, visuals, a silent auction and MORE for fifteen bucks in advance, twenty day of show.
  • Are you some kind of monster who’s not a Dolly Parton fan? Head to Baby’s All Right, then, where Painted Palms will be playing a show with Salt Cathedral AND Maxo for the very reasonable price of twelve bucks a ticket.
  • And if you think you’re up for staying awake past your bedtime, then prepare to hit up the late show at Baby’s All Right from Bruce Smear, Princess Nokia and MORE for eight bucks in advance, ten day of show.
  • You can also always head a little further east on Broadway to Palisades, where Prince Rama will be headlining a show with openers Giant Claw, Darren Keen and Macula Dog this evening for just ten bucks per ticket.

  • PERSONALLY I think we should all make a beeline for Shea Stadium tonight, where the lineup includes ONWE, The Britanys, Atlantic Thrills and Cosmonaut for the super low asking price of eight bucks entry.
  • But if you’re not feelin’ those vibes, then get yourself to Cameo Gallery instead for a show from Teletextile, Belle Mare and Oracle Room which kicks off at 8pm for eight bucks in advance and/or ten day of show.
  • More into movies? WELL, you’re in luck! You can cram in some free cinematic times over at Rockaway Beach this evening, with the first screening being Finding Nemo at Beach 59th Street and Rockaway Boulevard on the beach.
  • And if you don’t feel in the mood to watch a fish look for his kid with Ellen Degeneres, then probably skip out on that first screening and INSTEAD hit up Grand Budapest Hotel at Beach 121st Street and Boardwalk.

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  • WELCOME TO SATURDAY, THE GREATEST DAY OF ALL! You can either 1. sleep off your booze brain all day, or 2. get a bacon egg and cheese bagel and iced coffee and then head to PS1 for the final Warm-Up of the season, where you can re-drunk yourself to the tune of Derrick May, Vince Staples and more for $18-$20.
  • Assuming you haven’t landed yourself in a hungover day-drinking-induced sinkhole, I’m going to vote we get our evening kicked off at Mercury Lounge for a Low Cut Connie + Jeremy and the Harlequins gig for twelve bucks a ticket.
  • Although I’d be remiss not to mention the fact that we’ve got a chance to catch Whiskey Bitches with Edith Pop and The Naked Heroes at Le Poisson Rouge tonight, too, and tickets to that one will run you just ten bucks each.
  • If you are allergic to Manhattan, however, then just focus on getting yourself to Baby’s All Right this evening for a Communion-presented show from WhoMadeWho and EVVY for thirteen bucks in advance, fifteen day of show.
  • There’s also a solid showcase happening at Palisades tonight (thanks to Exploding In Sound Records) which’ll feature Pupppy, Vundabar, Dirty Dishes, Gemma and Holy Tunics for a mere eight bones a ticket.

  • And if you don’t mind sticking around for the late show at Palisades, then you’ll be able to catch an AdHoc presentation of Teengirl Fantasy, Bodan + Draveng, UMFANG and Sasha Jan Rezzie for ten bucks in advance, twelve day of show.
  • Trying to make it a true Williamsburg night instead? Head back to the west and a little north, ’cause Cameo Gallery will be hosting a show from Marrow and Rachel Brotman, and it’ll set you back ten bucks a ticket.
  • HOWEVER, if you possess approximately zero dollars, then you’re most definitely going to want to get your musical kicks over at Hotel Hugo, where MOTHXR and French Horn Rebellion will be playing a free gig. You’ll want to RSVP for that RIGHT HERE.
  • Or maybe you’re not feelin’ the music vibes at all, in which case you should PROBABLY just get yourself on over to Union Hall for Bitch Seat with such funny humans as Julio Torres, Liza Treyger, Giulia Rozzi and MORE for eight bucks in advance, ten day of show.
  • Or if you’re into burlesque, then you will likely want to hit up Wasabassco’s tribute to King Kong this evening // tickets will set you back thirty-five bucks for GA, or fifty for VIP, whatever that means.
  • Too poor? You can also go forth and decipher The Spy Who Loved Me at Videology with a bonus N64 Goldeneye tournament afterwards for all of ZERO DOLLARS! (Formal dress is obviously not required but OH SO ENCOURAGED.)

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  • HI, HANGOVER! Get yourself back into working order at Nitehawk Cinema, where you can hide your tired face in the comfort of a dark, air-conditioned movie theater to the tune of brunch ‘n Lost In Translation this morning!
  • Or if you’re feeling way too ultra-nauseous (WHY DID YOU TAKE ALL THOSE SHOTS?!) to even THINK about putting food into your body, then grab yourself a giant water and a ticket to see Do the Right Thing over at Museum of the Moving Image today.
  • Music-wise, my top vote to wind down our weekend on a dope note is going to have to be awarded to Mercury Lounge, ’cause Moon Duo are in town to play a show with Soldier of Fortune and The Loom for sixteen bucks.
  • But if you’re hellbent on making it a Brooklyn night tonight, then just get yourself over to Rough Trade to catch a show from Jenny Hval and Briana Marela for the very low price of just twelve bucks a ticket.

  • And if that’s not your jam, then you can also head on down the road to see Bass Drum of Death take the stage at about 8pm this evening instead! Tickets to this one will ALSO run you twelve bucks per ticket.
  • OR, or, if none of the above is striking your fancy, then you should most definitely head on over to Palisades instead, where Surf Rock Is Dead will play a show with Lost Film, Bodega Bay and Soft Fangs for just seven bucks.
  • And for an even more affordable suggested donation of five bucks, you could spend your evening chillin’ at Pete’s Candy Store with the inimitable Bandits On the Run, who you may recognize from their subway platform crooning sessions.
  • If you’d like to steer clear of the tunes because your head is pounding and your wallet is empty, then you should absolutely ONE HUNDRED PERCENT get yourself to Videology this evening for motherfucking Gilmore Girls trivia.

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