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HELLO, AMIGOS and welcome to another HOTTER THAN HELL WEEKEND! I am 27.5 today and am currently accepting all half-hearted half-birthday presents effective IMMEDIATELY, but if you really want to get me something, probably just go to the ticker-tape parade that is happening for the USWNT (you know, for winning the goddamned WOMEN’S WORLD CUP !!!) tomorrow on Broadway starting at 11am // I am currently trapped on family vacation and can’t go and it is the most devastated I have ever been about a sports-related thing in my whole life. Aside from THAT magic, though, there’s plenty to do (including SO MANY MOVIE SCREENINGS, like Bridesmaids, for instance…) so I hope you are prepared to have the greatest (albeit sweatiest) time ever! FIRST, however, let’s just talk about all of the important stuff you may have missed on BYT this week:

  • First, we went inside self-proclaimed burger perv Mathew Ramsey’s fridge and HERE IS WHAT WE FOUND!
  • Next, Kurt Braunohler is driving a giant butt around America. Why? WE INVESTIGATED.
  • MEANWHILE, Teen Girl Scientist Monthly have got a brand new record out next TUESDAY (as well as a show at Cameo on 7/18), so we implored them to give us a listening party and THEY OBLIGED.
  • We also got a nice little summertime playlist from Yukon Blonde, which you can check out HERE.

  • Didn’t get enough Electric Six last night? And/or don’t mind heading out to New Jersey for a show this evening? Then you’ll be OVERJOYED to hear that the band will be playing Asbury Lanes for just twelve bucks!
  • But if you want to stay in NYC this evening, and/or you have ZERO dollars, then get ready to head to Pier 84 (Hudson River Park) for a FREE show from Waxahatchee, Speedy Ortiz AND Weyes Blood tonight.
  • And if THAT ain’t your free jam, or like, you just prefer Brooklyn SO MUCH, then you should prepare to get in line for a free gig from the Punch Brothers at Prospect Park this evening, yeah?
  • BUT if you happen to possess ten bucks, then you should most definitely consider heading on over to Le Poisson Rouge this evening for Wolf Colony’s EP release gig with Evvy!
  • Got even more cash than THAT?! Head to Irving Plaza instead, where Stiff Little Fingers will be playing a show tonight for twenty-two fifty per ticket.
  • OR just do what I would do, which is to head to Palisades with seven bucks in hand for a show from the inimitable Brothertiger, What Moon Things, Ice Balloons AND Hank May!

  • Maybe you really hate everything I just suggested, though, in which case MIGHT I INTEREST YOU in an evening with Mike G (Odd Future), Left Brain (Odd Future) and others at Webster Hall?! Tickets are fifteen bones each.
  • Meanwhile there’s ANOTHER show on a boat happening this evening thanks to Delicate Steve and Celestial Shore, so if you’re prepared to hit the high seas, then scrape together twenty bucks and GO.
  • More into mooooooooovies? (Hi, that was my impression of a cow saying “movies”, PLEASE HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE.) Goodfellas is screening for the ACTUAL final day at Film Forum, so JUST GO ALREADY, KAREN.
  • Or if you don’t feel like watching THAT for some reason, then maybe you should just head to Sunset Park in Brooklyn for a FREE outdoor screening of E.T. (aka one of my favorite movies OF ALL TIME) instead.
  • Do you hate everything I just told you about? Do you JUST WANNA SHOP GODDAMMIT?! Well YOU’RE IN LUCK, ’cause ANTHOM is having a sample sale starting today thru Sunday!

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  • Hi, first and foremost, I REPEAT that I am HELLA BUMMED that I won’t be in NYC for the goddamned ticker-tape parade that’s happening for the USWNT at 11am // if YOU are in the city, please go in my place and scream your face off because HEROS!
  • And I also think I should put it out there that I would marry ANYONE who would be willing to buy me a ticket to see Taylor Swift and Haim at MetLife Stadium in the neighborhood of $150 // OKAY GREAT THANKS SEE YOU AT THE ALTAR.
  • Realistically, though, I’m going to SUPER RECOMMEND heading to Bowery Ballroom to catch a show from Mates of State, Good Graeff and Hey Marseilles for the ULTRA-reasonable price of fifteen bucks per ticket.
  • You might also consider zipping over to Brooklyn, ’cause Heliotropes are playing Rough Trade with support from Dead Stars, Spritzer and Holy Tunics for just ten bucks in advance // twelve day of show.

  • If we’re doing it up in Brooklyn tonight, though, then I’ll personally vote that we head to Baby’s All Right to catch a SuperCrush presentation of Empress Of, Buscabulla and MORE for ten bucks in advance // twelve day of show.
  • Trying to get jam-bandy tonight, though? Probably get to Madison Square Garden for a show from Dispatch and Dr. Dog, then! Tickets to this one will set you back between thirty-six and sixty-one bucks each.
  • Or let’s just go dance our goddamn faces off at Output tonight, ’cause the one and only Fred Falke will be spinnin’ tracks from 10pm until 4am for fifteen bucks per ticket // YASSSSSS DOT COM.
  • Do you just love music on boats, though? There’s ANOTHER opportunity to cruise w/ tunes this evening, this time with Brenmar and others for thirty bucks per person. (#BOATSNBEATSLOL)
  • But maybe, JUST MAYBE you are the laziest human of all time, in which case the ONLY thing you should worry about doing this evening is hitting up screenings of Superbad and 40-Year-Old Virgin at Lincoln Center.

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  • Hi, first of all, that offer where I marry you in exchange for a ticket to see Taylor Swift and Haim play MetLife Stadium tonight STILL STANDS, so please feel free to drop upwards of $150 for a lifetime of happiness with yours truly, maybe!
  • Do you not want to marry me (YOUR LOSS)? Then just focus on getting YOURSELF to this year’s 4Knots Festival, where Super Furry Animals, Mikal Cronin and others will play today for between twenty and fifty bucks a ticket.
  • But are you ultra-broke after last night’s shenanigans, though? Get on over to Union Pool at 2pm for a FREE SHOW from my favorite live act of the moment, aka BOTTOMS!
  • Or MAYBE you should plan on getting yourself out of bed and over to Rough Trade by 2pm instead, ’cause Sea of Bees will be playing a show this afternoon for all of ZERO DOLLARS.
  • And if you happen to find twelve bucks in your pants pocket in the meantime, then catch the show from Jungle By Night later on this evening at Rough Trade // they’ll be supported by Desert Stars and The Love Supreme.
  • Couldn’t get enough Dispatch last night, though? Head BACK to Madison Square Garden for ROUND TWO tonight (this time with John Butler Trio) // tickets will ONCE AGAIN run you between thirty-six and sixty-one bucks a pop.

  • PERSONALLY I think we should get ourselves to Baby’s All Right, though, ’cause Baby Birds Don’t Drink Milk will be playing a show with Mega Bog, Julia Byrne and Leisure tonight for eight bucks in advance // ten day  of show.
  • AND I should also mention that BRAEVES will be at Cameo Gallery tonight with support from Good Graeff and Fort Vine, so if that strikes your fancy then prepare to fork over a very reasonable ten bucks a ticket.
  • Meanwhile around the corner at Brooklyn Bowl we’ve got Bit Funk playing a show, so if you’re just tryna D-D-D-D-DANCE DOT COM, then probably scrape together ten bucks from the couch cushions and get goin’.
  • Did I have you at “D-D-D-D-DANCE DOT COM”, but not at “ten bucks”? Head to Trophy Bar instead for tonight’s edition of ENDMAX, where you’ll be able to dance all night long for free.
  • I would also be remiss not to mention that Riff Raff will be playing a gig at Webster Hall tonight for twenty-five bucks. (Full disclosure: I will not marry you if you invite me to this show.)
  • But it’s also Judd Apatow-palooza at Lincoln Center this weekend, and today’s movie screenings include Knocked Up AND Freaks and Geeks.
  • Not a Judd guy? DON’T EVEN WORRY ‘BOUT IT, because Lincoln Center will ALSO be hosting screenings of Bridesmaids and Pineapple Express today.

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  • Think you can figure out how to get to Canandaigua today? Then you most definitely want to head to CMAC for a James Taylor show, ’cause OBVIOUSLY! Tickets will set you back between $40 and $120 each.
  • Trying to keep things a little more local and/or affordable? Baby’s All Right is the place to be, then; Jacco Gardner is playing a gig starting at 8pm, and tickets will only run you twelve bucks a pop.
  • You can also skip out on the tunes altogether and head to Videology instead, though, ’cause tonight they’ll be hosting another edition of Wes Anderson Bingo (Royal Tenenbaums this time!) for eight bucks per ticket.
  • Maybe you don’t vibe with the magical world of Wes Anderson, though, in which case 1. let’s never date each other, and 2. maybe just focus on getting yourself to free Jurassic Park trivia (ALSO at Videology) instead.

  • And if you’re all about the flicks and less about incorporating games into your viewing experience, then get yourself to Lincoln Center for even MORE Judd Apatow mania via Freaks and Geeks, Funny People and This Is 40.
  • Still not into those? Lincoln Center is ALSO hosting screenings of Get Him To the Greek and Forgetting Sarah Marshall today, so if you’re a Nick Stoller fan, then maybe you’ll vibe with one of those instead.
  • And if you happen to have all of zero dollars to spare re: movie screenings, then focus on getting yourself up to Harlem for a free outdoor screening of The Amazing Nina Simone this evening.