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You guys, first of all, a friendly PSA from yours truly – don’t eat an entire package of tortellini before bed since it says to use or freeze by that day, because your dreams will turn into a Yorgos Lanthimos movie – there were black cats and one white kitten who had somehow broken into my apartment, box cutter-wielding people hanging out menacingly by swimming pools, and (perhaps most terrifyingly) a flying bedazzled hat which kept biting me like a duck, and which could open locked doors and windows to continue doing that.

(Visual reference re: the physically abusive gem hat. Also best Antiques Roadshow guest ever.)

In short, I am very glad to be awake in boring old reality! But I also like, really need to talk about Sufjan Stevens’ new song “Tonya Harding”, which is about Tonya Harding, in case that was not immediately clear.

He released it yesterday, and it is both genuinely perplexing and also the only thing I want to discuss with anyone, ever, for the rest of my whole life. There are lines like “This world is a bitch girl, don’t end up in the ditch girl,” and “My American princess, shining American star,” and “just some Portland white trash”. He says it originally started out as a satirical portrait of Tonya Harding, but then this quote from the Asthmatic Kitty website explains a shift in that thought process:

“At the end of the day, Tonya Harding was just an ordinary woman with extraordinary talent and a tireless work ethic who set out to do her very best. She did that and more. I hope the same can be said of us all.” – Sufjan Stevens

Umm…what? Listen, I love the cult of Tonya Harding just as much as anyone else, but do you not read that statement and instantly conjure an image of yourself busting people’s knees while listening to “Chicago” on your Discman and yelling “I AM SETTING OUT TO DO MY VERY BEST! AND ALSO MORE!”??? (Also, that image is hilarious, and I am not sorry.)

He even wrote it in different keys.

I will never, ever stop talking about this.

Anyway, the above has been the longest opening monologue ever, but what I am trying to get at is that between the Sufjan track and I, Tonya coming to movie theaters, I would hope it’s fairly obvious that Tonya Harding will be our GIF theme this go-round. Before we launch into all of the below, though, let’s talk quickly about what you might’ve missed on BYT this week:

  • First, there will be a protest for net neutrality at 152 Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg, so if you can bunk off work by 5pm, probably stop by and show your support.
  • There’s also some weird Blue Point Brewing travel agency pop-up today, tomorrow and Saturday which sounds like it probably has free beer? So maybe check that out?
  • In terms of tunes, head to Music Hall of Williamsburg for A Positive Spin ft. DJ sets by The Knocks, The Juan Maclean and MORE! Tickets are $20.
  • You should also most definitely catch The Ballroom Thieves over at Rough Trade for $12…
  • …and/or Cold Specks at Baby’s All Right for $15.
  • AND Jake Bugg’s at Town Hall for $50!

  • My top pick for tonight is a $30 Mogwai show at Terminal 5 // YASSSSSS!
  • Though a close second goes to Haerts and Wilsen at Rough Trade for $18!
  • I’d also highly recommend dancing it up with the inimitable Ellen Allien at Good Room for $25!
  • Plus Kweku Collins is at Baby’s All Right for $12-$14!
  • And there are TWO solid shows at Mercury Lounge tonight! The first is a $10-$15 Muscadine Bloodline one, and the second is a $10-$12 one from The War & Treaty!
  • Miss Hiss Golden Messenger at Bowery Ballroom last night? Catch a second $20 show tonight!
  • Meanwhile, Jaws Of Love will be at the Park Church Co-op for $20!
  • Or just get to Elsewhere for a $10-$12 Sharkmuffin gig!

  • Get started at BUST’s Holiday Craftacular ft. 40+ DIY workshops, 150+ vendors, a music festival and MORE! Free to shop, $5 for music, $10 lectures, $15 workshops OR $40-$75 (depending if you do just Saturday or also Sunday) all-access pass. (Pretty rad.)
  • There is also apparently a #METOO rally happening at Duffy Square at 1pm.
  • Musically-speaking, kick things off at Brooklyn Bowl for a goddamn $10 Shania Twain dance party w/ Adventures BK!
  • You can also always head to  Beacon Theatre, where it’s Cyndi Lauper’s Home for the Holidays show! Tickets are $50+.

  • Or dial it back with a $12 Michl show at Baby’s All Right!
  • AND Luna Shadows and Roses & Revolutions will play a $10-$12 show at at Mercury Lounge if you find yourself on the LES…
  • …plus Vagabon will be at Mercury Lounge for $14-$16!
  • Meanwhile, Space Jesus will play a $15-$24 show at Brooklyn Steel…
  • …and Ski Lodge will be at Elsewhere for $10-$12, plus catch Marc Houle afterwards for $15-$25!

(I mean, you can’t not reference this moment if you’re talking Tonya.)

  • Meanwhile, The Echo Friendly will be at Rough Trade for a $10 record release show!
  • Or head to Baby’s All Right for TWO good shows – 1. a $10 one from Washer, and 2. a $10 one from QTY!
  • In the realm of comedy, one of our favorite shows (Comfort Zone w/ Julian Velard and Brooke Van Poppelen) is happening for $10-$12 at Union Hall!
  • And another of our favorites, It’s A Guy Thing, will host Not MY Presents at Littlefield! So go hang out w/ Mitra Jouhari and Patti Harrison and Catherine Cohen and more for $8-$10!
  • But if science is more your jam, head to the Bell House for Secret Science Club ft. real live marine biologist Ed DeLong! Free as always!