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The Rock and the precocious kid are still ruling the box office (?!?!?!?!?!) BUT Ben Stiller clawed his way to the number 2 spot and so Jason, still a sharp dresser as ever and on a “I hugged Marion Barry high” went to see it last night.

The Heartbreak Kid

Ben Stiller sure gets himself into some funny situations. ha.HA.

The wedding season is upon me, childrens. After this weekend, I’ll have been to three of them in the past 5 weeks, and frankly I’m fucking sick of it. Same craptastic wedding vows. Same stupid sermons. Same drunk uncles dancing to the bad wedding band’s rendition of the chicken dance. The only good thing is the open bar and the free food, but I can get that if I pickpocket a fifth of Bowman’s gin at the liquor store and hang out at Harris Teeter’s on Sunday when they hand out the free samples of cheese and microwave pigs-in-blankets.

Nevertheless, I feel like I may have had a change in attitude. I certainly do NOT want to end up like the one drunk 50 year old dude at my friend’s wedding last weekend who was commenting on how hot the 16 year old girl with the braces was all while 2 fisting bud lights. Through my abject terror I happened to hear him mention the fact that he’s never been married. Which made me immediately reevaluate my position on the subject*. He almost scared me enough to the point where I might want to marry someone who I barely know. But thanks to my viewing of the Heartbreak Kid, I know now that would end up badly.

In the new Farrelly Brothers comedy, Ben Stiller plays Eddie Cantrow, a guy who always seems to find a reason why he can’t get married. His father(Ben’s real life dad Jerry Stiller), reasons that if he’s not out enjoying the fruits of bachelordom** he might as well pull the trigger and get hitched. As the fates would have it he meets a seemingly perfect woman and winds up marrying her shortly after they meet. That’s when he finds out what she’s really like and the supposed hilarity ensues.


The strange thing is that when the girl, played by Malin Akerman, is supposed to be annoying and weird, she just winds up seeming like every girl I’ve ever gone out with***. So Ben Stiller’s annoyed-ness just comes off as being a stuck up fuddy duddy who overreacts to things like the fact that his wife volunteers and could possibly end up fat later on in life. On his “Honeymoon From Hell”, Stiller meets and falls for another seemingly perfect woman. Let the Farce begin!

The film, similar to every other Farrelly Brothers film, is a combination of a romantic comedy and an issue of an R- Rated Mad Magazine. Whereas There’s Something About Mary worked on every level, The Heartbreak Kid works much better when the Farrelly’s don’t go for the cheap over-the-top gross out laughs. Rob Corddry, of The Daily Show fame, steals every scene he’s in, and he certainly doesn’t need queef jokes to get a laugh.


In the end, the Farrellys feel like Stiller’s character in the movie: afraid of growing up. Gross-out humor, to them, is like that sexy, crazy chick at the bar that you know you shouldn’t go home with, but is too enticing not to, because you know you’ll like it. Maybe if they step out of their comfort zone next time, the rewards will be greater. Then again, just as there’s something about strippers, there’s also something about a queef joke that will always be close to my heart.

Next week: Marky Mark and that dude who played Johnny Cash with the fucked up lip tussle in We Own the Night. Til then, I’ll be working on my vows. Stay romantic, kids.

*Actually, it made me and my friends leave the hotel and walk across the street to the Crystal City Restaurant & Gentleman’s Club, but that’s a whole different story.

** Jerry Stiller says the phrase “crushing pussy” frequently, which I found to be hilarious.

***I’m not sure what this says about me, but I think this means I have serious problems.